Still with the ups and downs. I mean, I still feel like this is it, but I now have real moments of doubt. Now the doubt isn't about whether or not I can do it, I really feel that I can, but I have momentary lapses into what-if territory.
What would it be like to just move to Italy for a couple years and travel around and discover new people, a new life?
What would it be like to travel around with Lucy and Todd, showing Lu the world and learning together?
What will it be like to be 40 and just starting a practice or career?
What will my family be like with all the time sacrifices I will be making?
If it is so hard to take one or two classes, what will it be like when I have an overfull load? Will i even have ANY time for myself? I have so little now.
Most of all, I know that being a stay-at-home mom is not for me. Not in the long run. I need something to sink my teeth into, something to feel passionate about, something to work on. Becoming a doctor is the peak of that reality. But I feel that if I don't make it, if I don't get in, if my relationship with Lucy suffers and my relationship with Todd falls apart and I have to quit... there are other options out there in the world.
I say that now. But only because I haven't been to the Kids Clinic in a couple weeks. Next Tuesday...
I didn't get to go back to Kung Fu today. I'm exhausted from the trip and the quarter. I was feeling a little something coming on so I stayed home. I also have this mysterious pain in my OTHER hip which is freaking me out. Jesus.
I'll go to the gym tomorrow and hopefully get a kung fu workout in sometime this weekend.
Time to go put the little miss to bed!
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Disconnect and Reconnect
Spring Break!
Lucy and I just returned from a hectic 5-day trip to New Orleans where my small but tight-knit neurotic family goes each year to visit my great aunt Charlotte. I had just finished my first quarter at school and really needed a break. Not that I don't love my family, and of course Lucy, but traveling alone with my 3 year old across country was just not the relaxation I had in mind. But I love to see my family and Lucy was really excited about seeing her grampa, so off we went.
There was an unusual amount of family mishigas, and the schedule was truly hectic - I didn't even get to visit the quarter ONCE while I was there this time, my friends told me that meant I was truly a local. Our very expensive hotel room was another story (we stayed in 5 rooms in 3 nights) - adding to the frenzy that was my week. One thing I did not count on was how much I really needed that quality time with Lucy.
I still get to be with Lucy every afternoon plus half a day a week, but it has been stressful at times during the quarter. When I'm home I think about school and always have schoolwork to do. We go our separate ways during the week, as people do, and on the weekends I struggle to find time to study. It has been wonderful and rewarding and challenging and good for ME, but I do not get that much time with just Lucy and Mama.
I just got back from 5 days of Lucy and Mama. Aside from the transition day - the day after we arrived in New Orleans - Lucy was a delight. I found my patience. We played, made each other laugh, had great conversations and enjoyed each other's company. We got on each other's nerves from time to time, but I have to say, I loved my time with her. I needed that time with her.
I had been dreading the trip. I love to go to New Orleans, I love to spend time with the family, I just knew that I was exhausted and again, I just needed to relax.
But it was worth it.
Many things went wrong on this trip. The hotel, the car, the family. But the most important thing of all went right. It was worth it.
I'm so glad to be home.
I'm fucking tired.
And by the way a 3.6 in Physics. Do you believe that one?!
Next up: Organic Chemistry - the 2nd part in a 3 part series that I took at a different school over 5 years ago. Just a glutton for punishment, i am.
Back to kung fu tomorrow. Hurray!
Lucy and I just returned from a hectic 5-day trip to New Orleans where my small but tight-knit neurotic family goes each year to visit my great aunt Charlotte. I had just finished my first quarter at school and really needed a break. Not that I don't love my family, and of course Lucy, but traveling alone with my 3 year old across country was just not the relaxation I had in mind. But I love to see my family and Lucy was really excited about seeing her grampa, so off we went.
There was an unusual amount of family mishigas, and the schedule was truly hectic - I didn't even get to visit the quarter ONCE while I was there this time, my friends told me that meant I was truly a local. Our very expensive hotel room was another story (we stayed in 5 rooms in 3 nights) - adding to the frenzy that was my week. One thing I did not count on was how much I really needed that quality time with Lucy.
I still get to be with Lucy every afternoon plus half a day a week, but it has been stressful at times during the quarter. When I'm home I think about school and always have schoolwork to do. We go our separate ways during the week, as people do, and on the weekends I struggle to find time to study. It has been wonderful and rewarding and challenging and good for ME, but I do not get that much time with just Lucy and Mama.
I just got back from 5 days of Lucy and Mama. Aside from the transition day - the day after we arrived in New Orleans - Lucy was a delight. I found my patience. We played, made each other laugh, had great conversations and enjoyed each other's company. We got on each other's nerves from time to time, but I have to say, I loved my time with her. I needed that time with her.
I had been dreading the trip. I love to go to New Orleans, I love to spend time with the family, I just knew that I was exhausted and again, I just needed to relax.
But it was worth it.
Many things went wrong on this trip. The hotel, the car, the family. But the most important thing of all went right. It was worth it.
I'm so glad to be home.
I'm fucking tired.
And by the way a 3.6 in Physics. Do you believe that one?!
Next up: Organic Chemistry - the 2nd part in a 3 part series that I took at a different school over 5 years ago. Just a glutton for punishment, i am.
Back to kung fu tomorrow. Hurray!
Friday, February 23, 2007
The good, the bad, and the not so bad
A recap of the past month...
Health/Body Stuff:
I was prescribed a huge dose of anti-inflammatories for my back problem (the disc issue). I was out of back pain for a couple weeks and happily taking naproxen (aleve) when i got this hideous stomach-ache which turned out to be a bleeding ulcer. yay.
So, now I'm on meds for my ulcer, which is healing nicely, but i'm experiencing a pain hangover in my back. Actually, I'm handling it OK, physical therapy seems to be helping and I had acupuncture today, which helped a lot. I think I can manage it.
My hip is in stasis - i seem to know what to do so as to not aggravate it too much, but I can no longer kick that high on the left. But surprisingly, i'm not that upset about that. I still do some things that bug it, but for the most part, like i said, stasis. I've been able to train with regular intensity lately.
I've signed up for many sessions with my trainer at the gym in preparation for my test, and he is WORKING me! It's great. I feel like my stamina at least, will be ready for black belt. (June 23!!!)
School/Pre-med Stuff:
My first test was quite the eye-opener. Well, I got myself a tutor and he has helped me figure out how to figure out problems. Also, just having more and more and more experience makes me much more comfortable in the language of Physics. After I got the graded on the curve (I got 12 points out of 40) I still managed to land a B or so. My second test went much better and I got 27 points out of 40, which landed me a high B and in the top 10% of the class! I can do this. My next exam will be next Friday and then only finals remain for this first quarter of school.
I start my MCAT review class in a week and that will add much joy and delight to my life.
I absolutely adore working the Kids Clinic. Every week, I drive up there and I am actually looking forward to my time there. I love all the kids and I'm learning what it's like to be a doctor. I love being a fly on the wall and every week I think to myself, Peds! I must do Peds! I almost can't imagine wanting to do anything else, but i'm sure i'll feel that way about more than one rotation. It's so exciting. And it makes me really feel positive about the direction I've chosen.
Now that I'm in it, my indecision is gone. I mean, I know there will be times, moments of doubt, but the longer I spend working towards it, the more confident I am that Medicine is what I'm meant to do. And that I'll be goddamned good at it. I am so relieved to feel that way!
Lucy Stuff:
Little miss Lu is doing great. She pees in the potty and now even at daycare and out in public. She still poops in diapers, but I'm not so concerned over that. All in good time.
She is hilarious and smart and keeps me busy all the time. I love her.
A funny story:
We were taking the bus to school a couple weeks ago, which is kind of an ordeal for us. We have to take the stroller to the bus shelter because it is about 1/2 a mile away and then we have to take 2 buses. But I like to take the bus and I like to not drive.
Included in tuition at UW is a bus pass. They send students a validation sticker each quarter to put on the ID card and that is supposed to let you ride the bus. I had been using my ID card all quarter not realizing that I didn't have the right sticker on it. I did have a sticker which displayed my name and that I was a student Winter quarter, but not the bus validation sticker. I had no idea.
I climb on the bus with Lucy and the stroller and bag of stuff and show the driver my pass. He asks to see it more closely so I hand it to him.
"This is not the right sticker." He helpfully informs me.
"Oh. Well, that is the one I got in the mail. Maybe because it's my first quarter, they send you the big sticker for the front..."
"Ma'am, I'm quite familiar with how these are supposed to look"
(Like I'm trying to scam the bus system for a free ride)
"Oh, well, that's the one they sent me, I don't have another sticker."
"I'm afraid you're going to have to pay bus fare, then."
Irately, "I don't have bus fare!"
"Well, then you're going to have to get off the bus."
I couldn't believe this guy. I was PISSED! I mean, even if i *was* trying to scam the bus system for $1.50 (which i wasn't) who the fuck would kick a student mother and her 3 year old off the bus?!
I grabbed Lucy, called the guy an asshole and dragged her and our stuff off the bus to wait for the next one. I was so pissed.
Lucy yells, "Why are we getting off the bus? I want to ride the bus RIGHT NOW! WHY DID HE TELL US TO GET OFF THE BUS?!"
"Because he's being a shithead," I told her, still within earshot.
We waited 15 minutes for the next bus and by the time it arrived, I had cooled off.
The next bus comes and since we're at the turnaround, the driver gets off the bus for his break. Lucy looks at him and says,
"The other brown one was being a shithead!"
Oh man. That's my girl.
That driver could not believe his ears. He asked me what she said, and so I had to tell him the whole story. He too couldn't believe what a shithead that other driver was being. He told me as long as I hadn't peed in my pants and wasn't completely drunk, I could ride the bus.
In other news, at 3.4 years old, my little lucy is learning to read. Of course she is ;)
Husband Stuff:
He's nice.
He's going through hard times and it's also hard for us to get much time together. The time we do spend together is nice and snuggly, but it's not often and our sleep schedules don't really coincide.
He's a great papa (he's up giving our crazy girl a bath before I put her to bed) and he loves his family.
But he's having a hard time and is going through stuff (and has been really for a couple years now).
We love him.
Other stuff:
Who has time for other stuff?
Health/Body Stuff:
I was prescribed a huge dose of anti-inflammatories for my back problem (the disc issue). I was out of back pain for a couple weeks and happily taking naproxen (aleve) when i got this hideous stomach-ache which turned out to be a bleeding ulcer. yay.
So, now I'm on meds for my ulcer, which is healing nicely, but i'm experiencing a pain hangover in my back. Actually, I'm handling it OK, physical therapy seems to be helping and I had acupuncture today, which helped a lot. I think I can manage it.
My hip is in stasis - i seem to know what to do so as to not aggravate it too much, but I can no longer kick that high on the left. But surprisingly, i'm not that upset about that. I still do some things that bug it, but for the most part, like i said, stasis. I've been able to train with regular intensity lately.
I've signed up for many sessions with my trainer at the gym in preparation for my test, and he is WORKING me! It's great. I feel like my stamina at least, will be ready for black belt. (June 23!!!)
School/Pre-med Stuff:
My first test was quite the eye-opener. Well, I got myself a tutor and he has helped me figure out how to figure out problems. Also, just having more and more and more experience makes me much more comfortable in the language of Physics. After I got the graded on the curve (I got 12 points out of 40) I still managed to land a B or so. My second test went much better and I got 27 points out of 40, which landed me a high B and in the top 10% of the class! I can do this. My next exam will be next Friday and then only finals remain for this first quarter of school.
I start my MCAT review class in a week and that will add much joy and delight to my life.
I absolutely adore working the Kids Clinic. Every week, I drive up there and I am actually looking forward to my time there. I love all the kids and I'm learning what it's like to be a doctor. I love being a fly on the wall and every week I think to myself, Peds! I must do Peds! I almost can't imagine wanting to do anything else, but i'm sure i'll feel that way about more than one rotation. It's so exciting. And it makes me really feel positive about the direction I've chosen.
Now that I'm in it, my indecision is gone. I mean, I know there will be times, moments of doubt, but the longer I spend working towards it, the more confident I am that Medicine is what I'm meant to do. And that I'll be goddamned good at it. I am so relieved to feel that way!
Lucy Stuff:
Little miss Lu is doing great. She pees in the potty and now even at daycare and out in public. She still poops in diapers, but I'm not so concerned over that. All in good time.
She is hilarious and smart and keeps me busy all the time. I love her.
A funny story:
We were taking the bus to school a couple weeks ago, which is kind of an ordeal for us. We have to take the stroller to the bus shelter because it is about 1/2 a mile away and then we have to take 2 buses. But I like to take the bus and I like to not drive.
Included in tuition at UW is a bus pass. They send students a validation sticker each quarter to put on the ID card and that is supposed to let you ride the bus. I had been using my ID card all quarter not realizing that I didn't have the right sticker on it. I did have a sticker which displayed my name and that I was a student Winter quarter, but not the bus validation sticker. I had no idea.
I climb on the bus with Lucy and the stroller and bag of stuff and show the driver my pass. He asks to see it more closely so I hand it to him.
"This is not the right sticker." He helpfully informs me.
"Oh. Well, that is the one I got in the mail. Maybe because it's my first quarter, they send you the big sticker for the front..."
"Ma'am, I'm quite familiar with how these are supposed to look"
(Like I'm trying to scam the bus system for a free ride)
"Oh, well, that's the one they sent me, I don't have another sticker."
"I'm afraid you're going to have to pay bus fare, then."
Irately, "I don't have bus fare!"
"Well, then you're going to have to get off the bus."
I couldn't believe this guy. I was PISSED! I mean, even if i *was* trying to scam the bus system for $1.50 (which i wasn't) who the fuck would kick a student mother and her 3 year old off the bus?!
I grabbed Lucy, called the guy an asshole and dragged her and our stuff off the bus to wait for the next one. I was so pissed.
Lucy yells, "Why are we getting off the bus? I want to ride the bus RIGHT NOW! WHY DID HE TELL US TO GET OFF THE BUS?!"
"Because he's being a shithead," I told her, still within earshot.
We waited 15 minutes for the next bus and by the time it arrived, I had cooled off.
The next bus comes and since we're at the turnaround, the driver gets off the bus for his break. Lucy looks at him and says,
"The other brown one was being a shithead!"
Oh man. That's my girl.
That driver could not believe his ears. He asked me what she said, and so I had to tell him the whole story. He too couldn't believe what a shithead that other driver was being. He told me as long as I hadn't peed in my pants and wasn't completely drunk, I could ride the bus.
In other news, at 3.4 years old, my little lucy is learning to read. Of course she is ;)
Husband Stuff:
He's nice.
He's going through hard times and it's also hard for us to get much time together. The time we do spend together is nice and snuggly, but it's not often and our sleep schedules don't really coincide.
He's a great papa (he's up giving our crazy girl a bath before I put her to bed) and he loves his family.
But he's having a hard time and is going through stuff (and has been really for a couple years now).
We love him.
Other stuff:
Who has time for other stuff?
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
More wrenches in my machine
So it turns out i have a fucking labral tear. Just like todd (i think it must be contagious. fucker.)
I seem to have caught it early that it could heal, provided i take real good care of it. Which is going to be really easy now that i have a fucking BLACK BELT TEST coming.
Oh yeah. And a disc problem. Seems that my back issue and hip issue are pretty unrelated and they both FUCKING SUCK ASSES as far as my kung fu training goes.
I'm going to quit harborview, basically so that I have time to do the Physical Therapy, deep tissue massage, acupuncture, and whatever the fuck it takes to care for my hip - so that I don't have to slow down on training and can take my test in 5 months.
Fuck.
Tomorrow: Physics. I'm going to flee when test scores are given.
I seem to have caught it early that it could heal, provided i take real good care of it. Which is going to be really easy now that i have a fucking BLACK BELT TEST coming.
Oh yeah. And a disc problem. Seems that my back issue and hip issue are pretty unrelated and they both FUCKING SUCK ASSES as far as my kung fu training goes.
I'm going to quit harborview, basically so that I have time to do the Physical Therapy, deep tissue massage, acupuncture, and whatever the fuck it takes to care for my hip - so that I don't have to slow down on training and can take my test in 5 months.
Fuck.
Tomorrow: Physics. I'm going to flee when test scores are given.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Discouraged, disheartened, and dismayed
Well, I took that first test. I studied my ass off. Had a study group on Sunday, studied late into last night, took the morning off from the hospital to study - which i did the whole time, and I finally felt sort of ready.
I went in, not feeling too bad, and we get the test. I look at the first problem. WHAT? OK. Don't panic. Move on to the next problem. WHAT? OK, maybe a little panic sets in. Do as much as I can. Move on. Third problem. WHAAAAAAAA?... OK... I can do this one. Vaguely. Not sure if the numbers pan out, but half an hour is up and only 20 minutes to go. Last problem... WHAT THE FUCK?! I didn't even know where to begin. Turns out I could have easily answered that last problem, but I misread the diagram and thought I didn't have the information which REALLY PISSES ME OFF.
I have never in my life had this experience. I've never tried anything, I mean really tried, and still been unable to do well. This is new and I have to say, extremely discouraging. I mean, what if this one class (well, 2 - 3 quarters of this one class) is the one thing between me and medical school. My grades are good other than this, mostly good anyway, but also I went to an undergraduate institution that didn't offer grades, but instead offered extensive written evaluations. They have nothing to quantify me by but all the postbac work that I am doing and have done and while most of it is (ahem) stellar, this is the SUCK. I definitely flunked this one. I give myself (generously) 30%. It is on a curve, but still...
I guess I need a tutor. This is so pathetic. I am taking ONE class, and I have barely enough time to keep up in it. And now. Shit.
But, good news. I've been given a black belt test date (estimate) of June 16. I can finally start panicking about that! Hurray! I'm really excited about it actually. I did skip class tonight, however, because i am also not feeling well.
WAAAAAAH!
I went in, not feeling too bad, and we get the test. I look at the first problem. WHAT? OK. Don't panic. Move on to the next problem. WHAT? OK, maybe a little panic sets in. Do as much as I can. Move on. Third problem. WHAAAAAAAA?... OK... I can do this one. Vaguely. Not sure if the numbers pan out, but half an hour is up and only 20 minutes to go. Last problem... WHAT THE FUCK?! I didn't even know where to begin. Turns out I could have easily answered that last problem, but I misread the diagram and thought I didn't have the information which REALLY PISSES ME OFF.
I have never in my life had this experience. I've never tried anything, I mean really tried, and still been unable to do well. This is new and I have to say, extremely discouraging. I mean, what if this one class (well, 2 - 3 quarters of this one class) is the one thing between me and medical school. My grades are good other than this, mostly good anyway, but also I went to an undergraduate institution that didn't offer grades, but instead offered extensive written evaluations. They have nothing to quantify me by but all the postbac work that I am doing and have done and while most of it is (ahem) stellar, this is the SUCK. I definitely flunked this one. I give myself (generously) 30%. It is on a curve, but still...
I guess I need a tutor. This is so pathetic. I am taking ONE class, and I have barely enough time to keep up in it. And now. Shit.
But, good news. I've been given a black belt test date (estimate) of June 16. I can finally start panicking about that! Hurray! I'm really excited about it actually. I did skip class tonight, however, because i am also not feeling well.
WAAAAAAH!
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Water water everywhere
Guess who peed in the potty? Twice!
Yeah, my recent strategy must have paid off. That, or she's goddamned ready to pee in the potty already. She's been wearing underpants around the house for a few weeks - she'll tell me she has to go pee or poop and then make me put a diaper on. Fine. But lately, I've been telling her to take off her pants and undies and sit on the potty and wait until i'm done doing X, Y. or Z and then i'll get the diaper out. I've been dallying.
Tonight, she was watching her Lilo and Stitch and she had to pee, so I pulled my usual delay tactic - sit on the potty until i'm done knitting this row and then i'll get a diaper - she says, "no, i want to pee in the potty" all matter-of-fact-like. She sits down and BAM out comes the pee like she's been doing it all her life.
Then again at bedtime, BAM more pee.
Hurray!
Perhaps tomorrow will be a diaper free day? Dare I dream?
Physics still sucks. I can barely keep up. It's demoralizing.
My first exam is next Tuesday. Stay tuned.
Yeah, my recent strategy must have paid off. That, or she's goddamned ready to pee in the potty already. She's been wearing underpants around the house for a few weeks - she'll tell me she has to go pee or poop and then make me put a diaper on. Fine. But lately, I've been telling her to take off her pants and undies and sit on the potty and wait until i'm done doing X, Y. or Z and then i'll get the diaper out. I've been dallying.
Tonight, she was watching her Lilo and Stitch and she had to pee, so I pulled my usual delay tactic - sit on the potty until i'm done knitting this row and then i'll get a diaper - she says, "no, i want to pee in the potty" all matter-of-fact-like. She sits down and BAM out comes the pee like she's been doing it all her life.
Then again at bedtime, BAM more pee.
Hurray!
Perhaps tomorrow will be a diaper free day? Dare I dream?
Physics still sucks. I can barely keep up. It's demoralizing.
My first exam is next Tuesday. Stay tuned.
Friday, January 12, 2007
Feeling Better
Lucy's quote of the evening:
Mommy, you're not a penguin. You have a short nose and hair.
Mommy, you're not a penguin. You have a short nose and hair.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
IH8 FZKS (warning, this is a little graphic... i'm sorry)
Yes, that is going to be my new license plate....
This has been a rough day. Well, a rough week culminating in today being kind of a rough day. It started out with Lucy's huge rage against the daycare. She wailed her little heart out, which incidentally rips my little heart out all the way to school, clinging to me when I tried to leave. L-a, the daycare teacher that was solo first thing this morning, seemed a little preoccupied trying to entertain the seven other children that were already there so it was really hard to disengage lucy from my body. Finally, I had to hail the teacher and plead for her to comfort my child (I must say, I could have used a hug at this point, myself).
Then I hustled off to Harborview where I toil away in a back office on the burn floor. This was a bad weekend for the burn ICU - a 14 year old girl was babysitting her 4 young nieces and nephews, all toddlers/preschoolers, 2 pairs of siblings, when the house went up in flames. I think the aunt got out OK but it went up so fast, one child was lost at the scene and 3 are in the ICU. One most definitely won't make it - renal failure, guts in a bag outside the body cavity, limbs mostly gone, really really sad. The other two children will probably make it, but they are all severely burned.
I didn't go to the ICU, but the nurse I work with had just come back from rounds up there and shared with me the details. I got the feeling she needed to unload - no matter how long you are there, situations like that affect everyone deeply. She also tells me all the medical details, you know, why that baby's guts are outside the body cavity with such a severe burn.
Anyway, back on my floor, the regular burn floor, there were more babies which cried periodically throughout the day. I'm kinda used to that, but still in my state of mind this morning, it didn't help. There was a man on my floor who was moaning in pain ALL DAY LONG. And I mean moaning. "ow ow OOOOW ow ow. OW. ow ow OOOOOOW."
I got done there, grabbed a nasty sandwich on my way out and raced to Physics class where I nearly got knocked down and into traffic by some huge gusts of wind. I ran off to Physics, getting pelted by rain (oh yes, did I mention my tights shrunk in the wash, so i was at half-mast all day long?) and got there in the nick of time. I sat down and for 50 minutes i saw and heard
blah blah blah@#%Q$%@#$%FGKLNVNLKRWJ#$%iopjv writjtrwpoij5 bkmvpowj45 pwijg[pfjb sgjkj43ljt5 43w5 divided by and you can see why the velocity ADKALjt qjeqlknr vlk jponqortjqlk jrklj!@#$#$@%^$^% blah and so forth.
I just don't get it. I get the ideas... I understand what velocity is and acceleration and even free fall (oh man, my teacher's examples are all hilarious too) but the equations, i can't ever figure out which one to use when and WHY. It's dry and frankly I DON'T CARE ABOUT IT AT ALL.
So there.
I'm seriously questioning my plan here. I'm overwhelmed by an intro Physics class and it's all it's my ONLY CLASS! What am I thinking?! This is going to be my life, and it's going to get much much worse and it's going to last for NINE YEARS. WHY AM I DOING THIS??? It's already affecting my relationship with Lucy and that makes me sad. Maybe it's just today, but
When I picked her up from daycare, she was glad to see me, but shortly thereafter, things went south. In the car on the way home, she asked if she could watch a movie later. Yes, I said, after supper. NO. SHE WANTED ONE NOW. SHE WANTED ONE WHEN PAPA GOT HOME NOT AFTER SUPPER and so forth. I later asked her if she wanted to go for hot chocolate, a special treat we do about once a week. Well, that was met with enthusiasm, but she began a new rant about I WANT TO EAT SUPPER AT THE PURPLE TABLE NOT AT THE DINNER TABLE, I told her we were not eating supper in front of the TV, well, this turned into quite a screaming rage, I finally decided I didn't want to spend time with her at a place doing a special treat, I was feeling pretty thin on patience by now, well, that really freaked her out. I circled the block (by the way, i think i deserve some kind of award for NOT yelling at her at all) and said if she could calm down and be friendly with me, we could still do it, but I wasn't about to take her into a public place yelling like that and that I really didn't like to be treated that way. So we went.
We had a little good time, but I was wiped.
We came home whereupon we had another fight (to be fair, I was doing computer stuff - I have no time on my own to catch up on e-mail, do my finances, renew library books, shit like that - and not paying any attention to her for a while). She drew on my desk with a crayon, I flipped out and grabbed it from her after she refused to stop and clean it up.... then i got my very first
I DON'T LIKE YOU!
I almost cried. Not because I really felt she didn't like me, but because I feel like this is my new life now, I have no time, the time I do have I feel exhausted and wiped and pretty soon she will move on to
I hate you
I hope this is just the transition for me.
I am starting to understand some of my homework, maybe i'll get to actually enjoy it at some point.
Maybe lucy will settle in to daycare and our time together will be more joyous.
Maybe this isn't such a good idea after all.
This has been a rough day. Well, a rough week culminating in today being kind of a rough day. It started out with Lucy's huge rage against the daycare. She wailed her little heart out, which incidentally rips my little heart out all the way to school, clinging to me when I tried to leave. L-a, the daycare teacher that was solo first thing this morning, seemed a little preoccupied trying to entertain the seven other children that were already there so it was really hard to disengage lucy from my body. Finally, I had to hail the teacher and plead for her to comfort my child (I must say, I could have used a hug at this point, myself).
Then I hustled off to Harborview where I toil away in a back office on the burn floor. This was a bad weekend for the burn ICU - a 14 year old girl was babysitting her 4 young nieces and nephews, all toddlers/preschoolers, 2 pairs of siblings, when the house went up in flames. I think the aunt got out OK but it went up so fast, one child was lost at the scene and 3 are in the ICU. One most definitely won't make it - renal failure, guts in a bag outside the body cavity, limbs mostly gone, really really sad. The other two children will probably make it, but they are all severely burned.
I didn't go to the ICU, but the nurse I work with had just come back from rounds up there and shared with me the details. I got the feeling she needed to unload - no matter how long you are there, situations like that affect everyone deeply. She also tells me all the medical details, you know, why that baby's guts are outside the body cavity with such a severe burn.
Anyway, back on my floor, the regular burn floor, there were more babies which cried periodically throughout the day. I'm kinda used to that, but still in my state of mind this morning, it didn't help. There was a man on my floor who was moaning in pain ALL DAY LONG. And I mean moaning. "ow ow OOOOW ow ow. OW. ow ow OOOOOOW."
I got done there, grabbed a nasty sandwich on my way out and raced to Physics class where I nearly got knocked down and into traffic by some huge gusts of wind. I ran off to Physics, getting pelted by rain (oh yes, did I mention my tights shrunk in the wash, so i was at half-mast all day long?) and got there in the nick of time. I sat down and for 50 minutes i saw and heard
blah blah blah@#%Q$%@#$%FGKLNVNLKRWJ#$%iopjv writjtrwpoij5 bkmvpowj45 pwijg[pfjb sgjkj43ljt5 43w5 divided by and you can see why the velocity ADKALjt qjeqlknr vlk jponqortjqlk jrklj!@#$#$@%^$^% blah and so forth.
I just don't get it. I get the ideas... I understand what velocity is and acceleration and even free fall (oh man, my teacher's examples are all hilarious too) but the equations, i can't ever figure out which one to use when and WHY. It's dry and frankly I DON'T CARE ABOUT IT AT ALL.
So there.
I'm seriously questioning my plan here. I'm overwhelmed by an intro Physics class and it's all it's my ONLY CLASS! What am I thinking?! This is going to be my life, and it's going to get much much worse and it's going to last for NINE YEARS. WHY AM I DOING THIS??? It's already affecting my relationship with Lucy and that makes me sad. Maybe it's just today, but
When I picked her up from daycare, she was glad to see me, but shortly thereafter, things went south. In the car on the way home, she asked if she could watch a movie later. Yes, I said, after supper. NO. SHE WANTED ONE NOW. SHE WANTED ONE WHEN PAPA GOT HOME NOT AFTER SUPPER and so forth. I later asked her if she wanted to go for hot chocolate, a special treat we do about once a week. Well, that was met with enthusiasm, but she began a new rant about I WANT TO EAT SUPPER AT THE PURPLE TABLE NOT AT THE DINNER TABLE, I told her we were not eating supper in front of the TV, well, this turned into quite a screaming rage, I finally decided I didn't want to spend time with her at a place doing a special treat, I was feeling pretty thin on patience by now, well, that really freaked her out. I circled the block (by the way, i think i deserve some kind of award for NOT yelling at her at all) and said if she could calm down and be friendly with me, we could still do it, but I wasn't about to take her into a public place yelling like that and that I really didn't like to be treated that way. So we went.
We had a little good time, but I was wiped.
We came home whereupon we had another fight (to be fair, I was doing computer stuff - I have no time on my own to catch up on e-mail, do my finances, renew library books, shit like that - and not paying any attention to her for a while). She drew on my desk with a crayon, I flipped out and grabbed it from her after she refused to stop and clean it up.... then i got my very first
I DON'T LIKE YOU!
I almost cried. Not because I really felt she didn't like me, but because I feel like this is my new life now, I have no time, the time I do have I feel exhausted and wiped and pretty soon she will move on to
I hate you
I hope this is just the transition for me.
I am starting to understand some of my homework, maybe i'll get to actually enjoy it at some point.
Maybe lucy will settle in to daycare and our time together will be more joyous.
Maybe this isn't such a good idea after all.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
School... here we go...
So tomorrow is my official first day of classes. It's crazy, I only have one class (Physics with lab, assuming i get in - i'm non-matriculated, so currently on "standby" status...") and I'm going to be insanely busy.
Class every afternoon, harborview Tuesday mornings and the kids clinic on Friday mornings. Lucy's only in daycare 3 days a week right now, so I'm having to patch child care together for now - I have someone on Mondays and then Katy is going to watch her while i'm in class on Thursdays (meaning no naps on Thursdays probably...) I feel a bit stressed.
At the end of the quarter, I'm starting my MCAT class, which will be Wednesday evenings and will go on for 5 months.
I've applied to UW as a postbac (matriculated status) which would be great because then I wouldn't have to stress about standby status, but the chances are pretty slim so fingers crossed...
Lucy is back to hating daycare. We've been on the go pretty constantly for the past month, so I think it's hard for her to get back into the swing. But it certainly adds to my stress level - she screams and cries about it all morning and is clingy and sobbing when we drop her off. Of course, she's fine all day long, which is certainly a step up from the old daycare, but it's still a horrible way to start the mornings.
This morning over breakfast, I asked her, "So, who's your favorite daycare friend?"
Her reply: "I don't like daycare. Are you crazy?!"
*sigh*
I went back to kung fu last night after a much too long break. It was great! I'm so glad to be back, it felt sooooo gooooooood. I have a problem though, and I'm a bit scared about it. I've had this hip problem going on for a couple months. I've been working on it in physical therapy and it is getting better - mostly probably because I haven't been working it for a month or so - but she did a full assessment this morning and suggested that I still have a really big problem, and that I may have a labral tear (SHIT!!!) - that is what Todd had that ultimately forced him to two surgeries and to quit kung fu.
I CAN'T quit kung fu.
She said that she didn't think it was torn, but that it was a possibility - I'm going to see an orthopedist in a few weeks to give it his assessment. She thinks that for now, I just need to work really hard to get the muscles to function properly, if i want to continue with kung fu.
Man. This is NOT a good time to have an injury like that. I was really hoping it would just get better over time. SUCK!
So I'm a bit worried. But I'm doing what i can, physical therapy, orthopod, massage. I'm going to try to get in for acupuncture next week and see if that helps too. Whatever I can do...
It's good to be back. I'm glad to finally get started on school. Here we go!
Class every afternoon, harborview Tuesday mornings and the kids clinic on Friday mornings. Lucy's only in daycare 3 days a week right now, so I'm having to patch child care together for now - I have someone on Mondays and then Katy is going to watch her while i'm in class on Thursdays (meaning no naps on Thursdays probably...) I feel a bit stressed.
At the end of the quarter, I'm starting my MCAT class, which will be Wednesday evenings and will go on for 5 months.
I've applied to UW as a postbac (matriculated status) which would be great because then I wouldn't have to stress about standby status, but the chances are pretty slim so fingers crossed...
Lucy is back to hating daycare. We've been on the go pretty constantly for the past month, so I think it's hard for her to get back into the swing. But it certainly adds to my stress level - she screams and cries about it all morning and is clingy and sobbing when we drop her off. Of course, she's fine all day long, which is certainly a step up from the old daycare, but it's still a horrible way to start the mornings.
This morning over breakfast, I asked her, "So, who's your favorite daycare friend?"
Her reply: "I don't like daycare. Are you crazy?!"
*sigh*
I went back to kung fu last night after a much too long break. It was great! I'm so glad to be back, it felt sooooo gooooooood. I have a problem though, and I'm a bit scared about it. I've had this hip problem going on for a couple months. I've been working on it in physical therapy and it is getting better - mostly probably because I haven't been working it for a month or so - but she did a full assessment this morning and suggested that I still have a really big problem, and that I may have a labral tear (SHIT!!!) - that is what Todd had that ultimately forced him to two surgeries and to quit kung fu.
I CAN'T quit kung fu.
She said that she didn't think it was torn, but that it was a possibility - I'm going to see an orthopedist in a few weeks to give it his assessment. She thinks that for now, I just need to work really hard to get the muscles to function properly, if i want to continue with kung fu.
Man. This is NOT a good time to have an injury like that. I was really hoping it would just get better over time. SUCK!
So I'm a bit worried. But I'm doing what i can, physical therapy, orthopod, massage. I'm going to try to get in for acupuncture next week and see if that helps too. Whatever I can do...
It's good to be back. I'm glad to finally get started on school. Here we go!
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Argh
I wrote a LOOOOONG post about a week ago and then the internet ate it. Shit.
Anyway, here's the brief update:
I participated in a talk at UW for a graduate level epidemiology class on vaccines. I was on the panel with two other moms who had chosen either to not vaccinate or to partially vaccinate. Also on the panel was a very cool, very knowledgeable pediatrician who sees several kids whose parents choose not to vaccinate, but who herself vaccinated her children. She was so astoundingly educated on all sides of the vaccine debate, it was refreshing to meet a doc who believes people should be allowed to learn and make their own decisions.
I immediately approached her after the talk, introduced myself and asked if I could shadow her. She was very enthusiastic, loves teaching, often has students and gave me her card to call the office and begin. So i did. And I went. I shadowed her for the first time a few days later for a couple hours (Thank you clayton and melissa for babysitting - it was a holiday) and it was FANTASTIC!!! The experience completely reinvigorated me for med school. Huzzah!
Doctor D not only let me follow her around, but encouraged me to talk to patients, listen to chests on stethoscopes, inspect bum rashes and look in mouths and ears. Very exciting. I will be going back Friday and then not again until January (she has another student in there for December). The one day I spent there certainly made me consider peds... but we'll see when I actually get into rotations how much i can take sick kids...
At the hospital, I went on rounds last week and was informed that I will start taking BPs of burn patients who are enrolled in the next study (beginning January) so that will give me some more patient contact there as well. Hurray! But mostly I'm still doing paperwork. It's truly neverending.
Lucy is doing WONDERFULLY at her new daycare (knocking on wood furiously). There have been almost NO tears at all, she has good days and is not at all traumatized. Wow. WTF took me so long to change. Seriously. I love this place. She has already learned to put on her coat by herself (do you remember when you learned to flip a coat upside down over your head? Well, it's the friggin cutest thing ever) and they really do encourage self-sufficiency there. I'm so happy with the place.
We're going on a big vacation next week - first to Florida to see bubbie and nonnie (my mom and grandmother) and then all 5 of us (4 generations of Gilbertsen-Bluestone-Streiker-Peller women plus Todd) are heading over to Miami and off on a cruise! I'm very much looking forward to a nice long vacation. Aaaaahhhh
I'm at a kung fu plateau at the moment. I've been training often and hard and I've really focused on my sparring skills - I know that's what Sifu wants to see me improve and i really really have... a lot... - but everything else has faltered. And now my body is beginning to rebel against all the pressure I'm placing on it. I'm beginning to wonder if i haven't strained my groin, but anyway, my hip is in a lot of pain when I do certain things. It all started when I started PT, which has helped my back, but perhaps since it's no longer compensating for my hips, they are paying dearly. Alas. I'll see a doctor if it doesn't get better with the two week vacation from KF.
I've been training at the gym as well - ran into Master Eddie, my TKD instructor from a couple years back, at the gym. It was great to see him, and he was enthusiastic about my black belt test and promised to come and check it out when it ever gets set up. OY. I'm still waiting to find out and that's really beginning to drive me nuts. I realize that I won't hear until a few months before the test, so probably not until January at least, but still... it's driving me nuts not knowing.
I skipped class yesterday AND today (went to the gym today) but i'm giving my hip a little rest.
Anyway, that's the update. In a nutshell. I'm frantic the rest of the week getting everything ready for the trip, plus I have the hospital tomorrow and Doctor D on Friday.... Did i mention that I've switched Lucy over to Doctor D? We'll be going to see her in a few weeks. I love her.
Anyway, here's the brief update:
I participated in a talk at UW for a graduate level epidemiology class on vaccines. I was on the panel with two other moms who had chosen either to not vaccinate or to partially vaccinate. Also on the panel was a very cool, very knowledgeable pediatrician who sees several kids whose parents choose not to vaccinate, but who herself vaccinated her children. She was so astoundingly educated on all sides of the vaccine debate, it was refreshing to meet a doc who believes people should be allowed to learn and make their own decisions.
I immediately approached her after the talk, introduced myself and asked if I could shadow her. She was very enthusiastic, loves teaching, often has students and gave me her card to call the office and begin. So i did. And I went. I shadowed her for the first time a few days later for a couple hours (Thank you clayton and melissa for babysitting - it was a holiday) and it was FANTASTIC!!! The experience completely reinvigorated me for med school. Huzzah!
Doctor D not only let me follow her around, but encouraged me to talk to patients, listen to chests on stethoscopes, inspect bum rashes and look in mouths and ears. Very exciting. I will be going back Friday and then not again until January (she has another student in there for December). The one day I spent there certainly made me consider peds... but we'll see when I actually get into rotations how much i can take sick kids...
At the hospital, I went on rounds last week and was informed that I will start taking BPs of burn patients who are enrolled in the next study (beginning January) so that will give me some more patient contact there as well. Hurray! But mostly I'm still doing paperwork. It's truly neverending.
Lucy is doing WONDERFULLY at her new daycare (knocking on wood furiously). There have been almost NO tears at all, she has good days and is not at all traumatized. Wow. WTF took me so long to change. Seriously. I love this place. She has already learned to put on her coat by herself (do you remember when you learned to flip a coat upside down over your head? Well, it's the friggin cutest thing ever) and they really do encourage self-sufficiency there. I'm so happy with the place.
We're going on a big vacation next week - first to Florida to see bubbie and nonnie (my mom and grandmother) and then all 5 of us (4 generations of Gilbertsen-Bluestone-Streiker-Peller women plus Todd) are heading over to Miami and off on a cruise! I'm very much looking forward to a nice long vacation. Aaaaahhhh
I'm at a kung fu plateau at the moment. I've been training often and hard and I've really focused on my sparring skills - I know that's what Sifu wants to see me improve and i really really have... a lot... - but everything else has faltered. And now my body is beginning to rebel against all the pressure I'm placing on it. I'm beginning to wonder if i haven't strained my groin, but anyway, my hip is in a lot of pain when I do certain things. It all started when I started PT, which has helped my back, but perhaps since it's no longer compensating for my hips, they are paying dearly. Alas. I'll see a doctor if it doesn't get better with the two week vacation from KF.
I've been training at the gym as well - ran into Master Eddie, my TKD instructor from a couple years back, at the gym. It was great to see him, and he was enthusiastic about my black belt test and promised to come and check it out when it ever gets set up. OY. I'm still waiting to find out and that's really beginning to drive me nuts. I realize that I won't hear until a few months before the test, so probably not until January at least, but still... it's driving me nuts not knowing.
I skipped class yesterday AND today (went to the gym today) but i'm giving my hip a little rest.
Anyway, that's the update. In a nutshell. I'm frantic the rest of the week getting everything ready for the trip, plus I have the hospital tomorrow and Doctor D on Friday.... Did i mention that I've switched Lucy over to Doctor D? We'll be going to see her in a few weeks. I love her.
Monday, October 23, 2006
The Art of Not Being There
Instead of panicking about what I'm going to be when I grow up, I've decided to Not Make Any Decisions. In doing so, I've made a few stress-relieving decisions.
1. If I go to school at all, I really want to go to med school. It is where my interests and passions lie, so I'm going to have to go for it. I just decided (in not making any decisions) that I will take it easier on myself, which means:
2. I won't take the MCAT until at least August this year. I can still apply for the same year, I just won't be early. That gives me time to actually take Physics before I start cramming for a test that includes Physics. Duh.
3. I will only apply to UW. While it was fun to daydream that I would go to Dartmouth or move to Burlington, I think it was incredibly stressful for me and for Todd to think, well, we might not even be here in (x) years if i get into school and blah blah blah. I want to go to UW. I will do my best to get in here - the program is fantastic and I don't want to leave my home and support system. It is so important to have the support of my community and the Kung Fu community when I do this - as well as the support of my family. Phew. I fell better already.
In deciding to go for UW, the classload I need is significantly reduced. I only need to do the prereq's for one school, which means, well, Physics in the Winter. Physics in the Spring. and then DONE! Totally doable.
4. I will take a real MCAT class. I need the help of an actual teacher. But in the meantime, I'll do as much of my online class as I can (skipping Physics) and thus, I will totally kick the MCAT's ass come August.
Meanwhile, back in Kung Fu.... I taught a couple classes on the Art of Not Being There. I didn't call them that, but after they were over, I realized that was what I was doing. I taught a sparring class on footwork, ways to move out of the way, deception and dancing. Defense without having to be caught in hard-blocks all the time.
It was afterwards that I realized that The Art of Not Being There is also the Art of Not Making Decisions. A whole lot less effort and a whole lot more effective.
Today is my girl's third birthday. For her nap, she laid down for her diaper change, picked out three books which we read in bed, and she nursed to sleep with no fuss at all. The terrible twos over today? Ha ha...
P.S. We got Lucy in to that wonderful daycare. She starts at the beginning of November - a week from Wednesday. Hurray!!!!
1. If I go to school at all, I really want to go to med school. It is where my interests and passions lie, so I'm going to have to go for it. I just decided (in not making any decisions) that I will take it easier on myself, which means:
2. I won't take the MCAT until at least August this year. I can still apply for the same year, I just won't be early. That gives me time to actually take Physics before I start cramming for a test that includes Physics. Duh.
3. I will only apply to UW. While it was fun to daydream that I would go to Dartmouth or move to Burlington, I think it was incredibly stressful for me and for Todd to think, well, we might not even be here in (x) years if i get into school and blah blah blah. I want to go to UW. I will do my best to get in here - the program is fantastic and I don't want to leave my home and support system. It is so important to have the support of my community and the Kung Fu community when I do this - as well as the support of my family. Phew. I fell better already.
In deciding to go for UW, the classload I need is significantly reduced. I only need to do the prereq's for one school, which means, well, Physics in the Winter. Physics in the Spring. and then DONE! Totally doable.
4. I will take a real MCAT class. I need the help of an actual teacher. But in the meantime, I'll do as much of my online class as I can (skipping Physics) and thus, I will totally kick the MCAT's ass come August.
Meanwhile, back in Kung Fu.... I taught a couple classes on the Art of Not Being There. I didn't call them that, but after they were over, I realized that was what I was doing. I taught a sparring class on footwork, ways to move out of the way, deception and dancing. Defense without having to be caught in hard-blocks all the time.
It was afterwards that I realized that The Art of Not Being There is also the Art of Not Making Decisions. A whole lot less effort and a whole lot more effective.
Today is my girl's third birthday. For her nap, she laid down for her diaper change, picked out three books which we read in bed, and she nursed to sleep with no fuss at all. The terrible twos over today? Ha ha...
P.S. We got Lucy in to that wonderful daycare. She starts at the beginning of November - a week from Wednesday. Hurray!!!!
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Med what?
So, i'm reconsidering the whole Med school thing.
I'm freaking out! I am just realizing how stressed out I am now and I'm not even in any classes yet. I'm spread too thin. I also realized that Kung Fu is not just "important to me", but it's part of who I am. I've been doing it for nearly 8 years and if I go to medical school, something will have to give and it will be kung fu. I can't be a balanced person without it! No, that's not it, I am not a HAPPY person without it. I go nuts when I don't get to class for a week, i can't imagine missing out on it for 7 years.
So, I'm revisiting the Nurse Practitioner idea. I still get direct patient care. I still get to be a primary provider and depending on the program (i really like UW's program here) I can even be a specialist (they call it a focal area). There is a focal area in Cardiology, which i can do with a Medical Genetics minor - it seems like a really great option. It combines my need for the academic-research side of me with my real desire to help people in their lifestyle. Plus, the more I do it, the more i realize I will probably want to work in a hospital/clinic environment. I can also pursue and include my interests in nutrition and exercise...
The first 5 quarters are intensely full-time, but after that, I can complete the masters portion of the program part-time. It's much more flexible than going to med school.
I still have some prerequisites, but they are different, so I have to decide soon so that I can figure out which class to take.
All I do know is that I want to do something, I want to work in health care, and I don't want to have to work for a doctor - NP's can practice autonomously, PA's cannot.
I'm going crazy trying to figure it all out, but for now, the NP idea, while a compromise from being a DOCTOR, will allow me to have more balance in my life ultimately and during the training (apart from the first 5 quarters).
I'm freaking out! I am just realizing how stressed out I am now and I'm not even in any classes yet. I'm spread too thin. I also realized that Kung Fu is not just "important to me", but it's part of who I am. I've been doing it for nearly 8 years and if I go to medical school, something will have to give and it will be kung fu. I can't be a balanced person without it! No, that's not it, I am not a HAPPY person without it. I go nuts when I don't get to class for a week, i can't imagine missing out on it for 7 years.
So, I'm revisiting the Nurse Practitioner idea. I still get direct patient care. I still get to be a primary provider and depending on the program (i really like UW's program here) I can even be a specialist (they call it a focal area). There is a focal area in Cardiology, which i can do with a Medical Genetics minor - it seems like a really great option. It combines my need for the academic-research side of me with my real desire to help people in their lifestyle. Plus, the more I do it, the more i realize I will probably want to work in a hospital/clinic environment. I can also pursue and include my interests in nutrition and exercise...
The first 5 quarters are intensely full-time, but after that, I can complete the masters portion of the program part-time. It's much more flexible than going to med school.
I still have some prerequisites, but they are different, so I have to decide soon so that I can figure out which class to take.
All I do know is that I want to do something, I want to work in health care, and I don't want to have to work for a doctor - NP's can practice autonomously, PA's cannot.
I'm going crazy trying to figure it all out, but for now, the NP idea, while a compromise from being a DOCTOR, will allow me to have more balance in my life ultimately and during the training (apart from the first 5 quarters).
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Hark the herald daycare sings
We went to visit a new daycare possibility today - oh man, it was GREAT. Todd and Sarv and Lucy and I all went - Lucy played happily in all the rooms and the playground while the grownups talked. It was a bigger place - different rooms for all the age groups - but a similar ratio. 12 kids to 2 teachers in her group's room. We first met the director, a lovely woman who had nothing but great things to say about their philosophy. It's all about emotional development, allowing the kids to do what they do best and not interfering, facilitating communication, and most of all, playing.
(in other words, no pressure or academic "achievement" bullshit)
They don't do time-outs or other punitive actions to get them to do what grownups want them to do and they help the kids make their own decisions
Then Anne, the other director-type, gave us the tour.
It's clean! And spacious. And the caregivers are loving and wonderful.
It's across the street from UW.
It's fantastic.
I swear, while Anne was talking to me, after a while it wasn't words that I was hearing, but a soft hum that turned into glorious music as the angels sung.
There is more and more at her current daycare that bugs me and all those issues are addressed here, and more... it's what I want for Lucy.
I know the transition will be very difficult, they always are, but in the long run it's really going to be worth it. I know it's a good place, I can feel it.
Now we just have to hope that we get in. There is no space right now, but they are doing a little shuffling around so she said there might be space soon. I just need to call her next week to find out. Fingers are very very crossed.
Harborview is great. Yesterday I still did charts, but I'm increasingly grateful that charts is my intro to the burn floor. I see burn victims in the hall, and hear children crying, I'm definitely not quite ready to go on rounds. I'm slowly being introduced to what it's all about by being on the floor and reading charts. Soon I'll be ready for rounds, but not yet.
Tomorrow: more charts, i'm sure.
I work with an extremely irritating territorial premed student who is there ALL THE TIME. I think she must not have a life outside of academia. I think she is increasingly annoyed that I know what I'm doing (it's really not that hard) and that i've only been there for 3 days - she didn't have to hold my hand after the first day.
Anyway, other than that, it's fantastic.
I went to the gym a couple days ago - a session with my trainer, Matt... I'm so fucking sore right now. Yesterday, I could seriously barely walk. But it's good for me, right?
Oy.
There is a big weekend of training coming up - 7 star's 25th anniversary - Koré is coming, as well as several hand-to-hand people and there will be a big gala on Saturday night complete with demos from all around. Should be really fun and I'm almost certain that Sifu and Sifu Michelle will be promoted to 5th degree since Sigung (excuse me, PROFESSOR) just got promoted. to 8th degree. Yay!
(in other words, no pressure or academic "achievement" bullshit)
They don't do time-outs or other punitive actions to get them to do what grownups want them to do and they help the kids make their own decisions
Then Anne, the other director-type, gave us the tour.
It's clean! And spacious. And the caregivers are loving and wonderful.
It's across the street from UW.
It's fantastic.
I swear, while Anne was talking to me, after a while it wasn't words that I was hearing, but a soft hum that turned into glorious music as the angels sung.
There is more and more at her current daycare that bugs me and all those issues are addressed here, and more... it's what I want for Lucy.
I know the transition will be very difficult, they always are, but in the long run it's really going to be worth it. I know it's a good place, I can feel it.
Now we just have to hope that we get in. There is no space right now, but they are doing a little shuffling around so she said there might be space soon. I just need to call her next week to find out. Fingers are very very crossed.
Harborview is great. Yesterday I still did charts, but I'm increasingly grateful that charts is my intro to the burn floor. I see burn victims in the hall, and hear children crying, I'm definitely not quite ready to go on rounds. I'm slowly being introduced to what it's all about by being on the floor and reading charts. Soon I'll be ready for rounds, but not yet.
Tomorrow: more charts, i'm sure.
I work with an extremely irritating territorial premed student who is there ALL THE TIME. I think she must not have a life outside of academia. I think she is increasingly annoyed that I know what I'm doing (it's really not that hard) and that i've only been there for 3 days - she didn't have to hold my hand after the first day.
Anyway, other than that, it's fantastic.
I went to the gym a couple days ago - a session with my trainer, Matt... I'm so fucking sore right now. Yesterday, I could seriously barely walk. But it's good for me, right?
Oy.
There is a big weekend of training coming up - 7 star's 25th anniversary - Koré is coming, as well as several hand-to-hand people and there will be a big gala on Saturday night complete with demos from all around. Should be really fun and I'm almost certain that Sifu and Sifu Michelle will be promoted to 5th degree since Sigung (excuse me, PROFESSOR) just got promoted. to 8th degree. Yay!
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
First day!
So I started up at Harborview today. You know how first days usually involve a lot of introductions, tours, and clockwatching? Well, my day was nothing at all like that. I arrived at the Burn Research office and presented myself whereupon I was immediately installed in front of a computer checking patient charts and filling in missing info. It took a little while to figure out what the hell I was doing, but it was pretty interesting, reading through all that material, seeing all the stories, accidents, suicide attempts, arson mishaps, etc., that brought people in to Harborview from all over the four-state area (Alaska, Washington, Idaho, Montana).
The first chart I started reading was a 2-year-old girl. Fortunately, just as my heart nearly leapt out of my chest thinking about a little Lucy getting admitted to the burn unit, that chart got taken away from me and I moved on to some grownups. Much easier to handle at first anyway.
I started to think about the compassion issue. It would be easy to detach oneself from the stories that make the patient a person, to just see them as the injury or illness, but that isn't who I am. Maintaining compassion and a sense of each person is just as important as treating the illness - just as important to that person's overall wellness. Anyway, I had some time while reading charts to pontificate to myself.
A couple hours of that and we went down to a talk - the chief resident at Charity hospital in New Orleans was giving a talk on disaster preparedness. He had amazing stories and accompanying slides from the Katrina disaster. Incredible.
Then back to charts - only this time with archived charts - old school thick paper charts - from 1989.
Then all of a sudden the day was over! I've never had a first day go so quickly. It was exhilarating! It's very cool to work in such a fast-paced environment and with such interesting people. I think I will actually like working in a hospital.
In other news: Lucy peed in the potty last night!
I have given up all hope of trying to do pilates - I'm not sure what I was thinking. I have absolutely no free time whatsoever between volunteering, studying for the MCAT and training in kung fu. I'm falling behind on MCAT studies and I think I will be hard pressed to get the scores I need, but I do have a lot of time so we'll see.
I'm looking at another daycare for Lucy. I'm crazy to change her situation, I know I am, now that she's finally enjoying her daycare, but there are enough things about her daycare that bug me to warrant it. It's dirty and unhygienic, in my opinion, for one thing. Also, there are no older kids there - she will outgrow it by next year anyway. I'm looking at a place in the U district that's bigger, but same ratio. It's supposed to be fantastic. We'll see. They currently have no room anyway, so we'll have to see what all happens with all that.
That's all for now. someone just yelled, "MAMA COME UP!!!"
The first chart I started reading was a 2-year-old girl. Fortunately, just as my heart nearly leapt out of my chest thinking about a little Lucy getting admitted to the burn unit, that chart got taken away from me and I moved on to some grownups. Much easier to handle at first anyway.
I started to think about the compassion issue. It would be easy to detach oneself from the stories that make the patient a person, to just see them as the injury or illness, but that isn't who I am. Maintaining compassion and a sense of each person is just as important as treating the illness - just as important to that person's overall wellness. Anyway, I had some time while reading charts to pontificate to myself.
A couple hours of that and we went down to a talk - the chief resident at Charity hospital in New Orleans was giving a talk on disaster preparedness. He had amazing stories and accompanying slides from the Katrina disaster. Incredible.
Then back to charts - only this time with archived charts - old school thick paper charts - from 1989.
Then all of a sudden the day was over! I've never had a first day go so quickly. It was exhilarating! It's very cool to work in such a fast-paced environment and with such interesting people. I think I will actually like working in a hospital.
In other news: Lucy peed in the potty last night!
I have given up all hope of trying to do pilates - I'm not sure what I was thinking. I have absolutely no free time whatsoever between volunteering, studying for the MCAT and training in kung fu. I'm falling behind on MCAT studies and I think I will be hard pressed to get the scores I need, but I do have a lot of time so we'll see.
I'm looking at another daycare for Lucy. I'm crazy to change her situation, I know I am, now that she's finally enjoying her daycare, but there are enough things about her daycare that bug me to warrant it. It's dirty and unhygienic, in my opinion, for one thing. Also, there are no older kids there - she will outgrow it by next year anyway. I'm looking at a place in the U district that's bigger, but same ratio. It's supposed to be fantastic. We'll see. They currently have no room anyway, so we'll have to see what all happens with all that.
That's all for now. someone just yelled, "MAMA COME UP!!!"
Monday, September 25, 2006
I've been going through quite a rigamarole just to get to volunteer at Harborview. First, I had to fill out a huge application which included a criminal background check and 2 letters of reference. About a month later, I got called in for an interview, no problem. Then 3 weeks after that, I had to attend a 2 and a half hour Harborview volunteer orientation at which point we went over my vaccination record and I got a TB scratch test.
The nurse that looked at my records noted that all the dates given for my vaccinations were estimates. Due to the fact that I grew up on a commune in oregon (see http://bluest-one.blogspot.com) and then moved around a lot, I don't have the foggiest idea of my vaccination records' whereabouts. Anyway, she was a tight-ass and grilled me about it. It's at the nurse's discretion whether or not they will accept the estimate or force you to get a titer blood test, and I could see this lady was not letting me off the hook.
"So, even though it was a commune, they didn't feel it was important to track your medical vaccination records?!"
Seriously. Can you believe this woman actually asked me this? I mean, not only was it a fucking COMMUNE in the middle of nowhere, but it's been extinct for 20 years. Seriously.
I told her no, but that i had obtained records before I attended my first college, and that i was certain i'd been vaccinated.
No dice.
So then, she does the scratch test, and because of my "checkered" past (again, seriously, 20 years ago), she wants me to undergo a second TB scratch test just to make sure, because "most encounters with TB occur in group living situations". Did she not understand that 20 years ago was, uh, 20 years ago!!!
So then I had to go in a couple days later to get that checked out and get blood drawn. Then I have to go in again on Wednesday to get the second scratch test and then go in two days after that to get the second test checked. And I haven't even been assigned my position yet!!!
I'm thinking I'll be in the burn research unit (yay, i get to wear salmon scrubs), but I won't know until all this rigamarole is done.
So, I've been busy with that. And realizing that studying for the MCAT before I've even taken any Physics yet (I start in January) is pretty much INSANE. I'm thinking I'll just skip the Physics portions, or blow through them as quickly as I can, and then come back to them after I've done some of the class. Probably not a bad idea.
And still trying to keep the house clean, do the laundry, do the shopping, take care of Lucy. Oh yeah, and get ready for my imminent black belt test. I did decide that it's insane to try to take pilates classes. I'm going to the gym when I can and going to class when I can, but seriously. There is not enough time in the day.
I've "night-weaned" lucy this week - no nursing after bedtime until after the alarm goes off. It's been hard some nights, great some nights, but definitely getting better. But her transitions are always difficult and true to form, she has been a complete and total NIGHTMARE this week (except today - she was delightful for most of today, just 2 or 3 short-lived fits).
I'm usually insanely patient with her, but i LOST it on her last Thursday. She'd been yelling at me about this and that all afternoon and I told her if she kept it up I was going to lose it. She kept it up.
I SCREAMED so loud, i don't even remember what i said. I kind of walked away from her, but there was no mistaking how pissed off I was. There was also a lot of swearing.
When I came back to her, I asked her whether that scared her a little when I yelled. She said yes and I said that I was sorry that she got scared, but the way she felt when I yelled like that was how she has been making me feel by yelling at me all afternoon (I was still pissed)
Then I went to kung fu.
It wasn't my shining moment of motherhood.
But it was reality.
I'm tired, I'm working hard, I feel exhausted, and I haven't even started school yet.
What am I thinking?!
The nurse that looked at my records noted that all the dates given for my vaccinations were estimates. Due to the fact that I grew up on a commune in oregon (see http://bluest-one.blogspot.com) and then moved around a lot, I don't have the foggiest idea of my vaccination records' whereabouts. Anyway, she was a tight-ass and grilled me about it. It's at the nurse's discretion whether or not they will accept the estimate or force you to get a titer blood test, and I could see this lady was not letting me off the hook.
"So, even though it was a commune, they didn't feel it was important to track your medical vaccination records?!"
Seriously. Can you believe this woman actually asked me this? I mean, not only was it a fucking COMMUNE in the middle of nowhere, but it's been extinct for 20 years. Seriously.
I told her no, but that i had obtained records before I attended my first college, and that i was certain i'd been vaccinated.
No dice.
So then, she does the scratch test, and because of my "checkered" past (again, seriously, 20 years ago), she wants me to undergo a second TB scratch test just to make sure, because "most encounters with TB occur in group living situations". Did she not understand that 20 years ago was, uh, 20 years ago!!!
So then I had to go in a couple days later to get that checked out and get blood drawn. Then I have to go in again on Wednesday to get the second scratch test and then go in two days after that to get the second test checked. And I haven't even been assigned my position yet!!!
I'm thinking I'll be in the burn research unit (yay, i get to wear salmon scrubs), but I won't know until all this rigamarole is done.
So, I've been busy with that. And realizing that studying for the MCAT before I've even taken any Physics yet (I start in January) is pretty much INSANE. I'm thinking I'll just skip the Physics portions, or blow through them as quickly as I can, and then come back to them after I've done some of the class. Probably not a bad idea.
And still trying to keep the house clean, do the laundry, do the shopping, take care of Lucy. Oh yeah, and get ready for my imminent black belt test. I did decide that it's insane to try to take pilates classes. I'm going to the gym when I can and going to class when I can, but seriously. There is not enough time in the day.
I've "night-weaned" lucy this week - no nursing after bedtime until after the alarm goes off. It's been hard some nights, great some nights, but definitely getting better. But her transitions are always difficult and true to form, she has been a complete and total NIGHTMARE this week (except today - she was delightful for most of today, just 2 or 3 short-lived fits).
I'm usually insanely patient with her, but i LOST it on her last Thursday. She'd been yelling at me about this and that all afternoon and I told her if she kept it up I was going to lose it. She kept it up.
I SCREAMED so loud, i don't even remember what i said. I kind of walked away from her, but there was no mistaking how pissed off I was. There was also a lot of swearing.
When I came back to her, I asked her whether that scared her a little when I yelled. She said yes and I said that I was sorry that she got scared, but the way she felt when I yelled like that was how she has been making me feel by yelling at me all afternoon (I was still pissed)
Then I went to kung fu.
It wasn't my shining moment of motherhood.
But it was reality.
I'm tired, I'm working hard, I feel exhausted, and I haven't even started school yet.
What am I thinking?!
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Toils of toilets
So, i'm getting a little pushy about it, so what... I mean, i've had a very laissez-faire attitude towards potty training thus far, but with her third birthday rapidly approaching and absolutely NO sign of any interest in going pee or poop in the potty, I'm beginning to doubt my non-intrusive potty training methods. Don't get me wrong, she HAS peed in the potty. A handful of times. Starting around a year ago and then completely ceasing altogether. She peed in the potty to much raucous applause about two months ago, and since then not an inkling of interest.
She has cute Hello Kitty underpants that she has worn a handful of times, but she peed in them a couple times (after holding it for quite a long time and never wanting to use the potty) and since then has not even wanted to wear them. She has cute training pants and REALLY doesn't want to use those. I have offered her bribes - 3 stamps in a book for each poop in the potty and 1 stamp for each pee, upon collecting 20 stamps, she will get a roundhouse for her trains. The first time she poops in the potty, she will get a Diesel (one of the Thomas characters). She's super excited about the stuff, all of it, but absolutely does not want to pee or poop in the potty. She has not earned a single stamp.
How can someone who says, "I don't like it when you keep telling me that (about going to the potty) over and over again. It's starting to make me a little bit mad," NOT want to go in the potty. I don't get it.
I asked her, "Does that make you feel too pressured?"
"Yes, I'm not ready to go in the potty!"
Sheesh.
She has cute Hello Kitty underpants that she has worn a handful of times, but she peed in them a couple times (after holding it for quite a long time and never wanting to use the potty) and since then has not even wanted to wear them. She has cute training pants and REALLY doesn't want to use those. I have offered her bribes - 3 stamps in a book for each poop in the potty and 1 stamp for each pee, upon collecting 20 stamps, she will get a roundhouse for her trains. The first time she poops in the potty, she will get a Diesel (one of the Thomas characters). She's super excited about the stuff, all of it, but absolutely does not want to pee or poop in the potty. She has not earned a single stamp.
How can someone who says, "I don't like it when you keep telling me that (about going to the potty) over and over again. It's starting to make me a little bit mad," NOT want to go in the potty. I don't get it.
I asked her, "Does that make you feel too pressured?"
"Yes, I'm not ready to go in the potty!"
Sheesh.
Friday, September 15, 2006
So I decided to do this MCAT class online and all my class materials arrived yesterday. Holy shit, i have a stack of books a mile high, and this is just REVIEW, people, i mean, seriously.... I'm in for it.
I still haven't had the 3 hours to do the "mcat diagnostic" so i can't even really start yet, but I'm doing it tomorrow afternoon. Todd's taking lucy out in the afternoon and i'm gonna just do it, no matter how ridiculously stupid i feel. So there. Then i can actually start studying. I have just over 6 months to get ready. Might *just* be enough time.
Meanwhile, I'm getting excited to start volunteering at Harborview. I have an orientation on Wednesday afternoon, and after that I'll probably start pretty soon. I also have an application in to volunteer at an abortion clinic, so i might actually do both - 1 day at each place.
I sent out an e-mail to a local listserv - MadronaMoms, for moms in our neighborhood - to ask if anyone was an MD, ND, NP, or PA and a mom and if they would be willing to talk to me about it. I got over 20 responses!! and mostly from MDs. I seriously can't believe how many doctors live in this neighborhood and who are willing to talk to me. I'm meeting with one next week who has mentored people in my situation before, so that should be helpful. I'm also particularly excited to talk to one woman who e-mailed me and is a 2nd year med student with a 1 year old and was very enthusiastic.
I've heard a lot of "you have to really want it" (duh) and "it's hard work, but worth it" type rhetoric (kind of like what people tell you before you have a child) - but this was the first person who actually seemed excited about the PROCESS, which really is just as important to me as the end product. I mean, i'm not going to suffer through 2 years of prereq's, the MCAT, 4 years of med school, 3+ years of residency if i'm not enjoying myself in the meantime, right? Anyway...
So that's where that's at.
Yesterday in advanced class at KF, Laurie taught this esoteric energy class - i got there late, so i had to jump right in, which was certainly difficult... but then... we partnered up. I partnered with Clayton, we were to sit facing each other, about a foot between us and just look at each other. No judging, just taking in each other's energy and not having any thoughts about them or letting our thoughts go. Well, i have to say, i couldn't keep it together. It's like when you're a kid - you go to church (not in my case, but satsang on the commune had a similar effect - http://bluest-one.blogspot.com) and you just can't stop laughing.
I felt so incredibly disrespectful to Laurie, but i couldn't control myself. Finally, I took a deep breath and stared at his shoulders. If I don't look at his face, i told myself, i would be able to not laugh. How hard could it be? So slowly my eyes meandered up to his face, which was also cracking up and I lost it all over again. *sigh* Well, it was good to have a laugh...
Then he partnered with Tristan and I partnered with Dave. Now THEY were laughing and that made me laugh. But more or less, i was able to control myself the second time. Seriously.
Fun class, though. I stayed on for conditioning (i need it!) and regular class, i love having that long class. Once i get going, i feel like i could train all night. I almost stayed on afterwards, but i was hungry.
Lucy had a great week at daycare all week. I don't know what to do with that child. Just when you think you know someone...
I'd better be off - a zillion things to do before she wakes up.
Later... Forgot to mention 2 things
1. Did pilates. It was great. There were things that everyone in that class was doing that I not only could not do, but there was no sign of there ever being a hint of a point in time in the future in which i might be able to do them. But it was good. And my body did feel good. And then I got a massage from Katy, so i felt real good.
2. You have to read my friend's blog from yesterday (9/14). And whenever you think your family is nuts....http://nothingwittyleft.blogspot.com/
Holy. Fucking. shit.
I still haven't had the 3 hours to do the "mcat diagnostic" so i can't even really start yet, but I'm doing it tomorrow afternoon. Todd's taking lucy out in the afternoon and i'm gonna just do it, no matter how ridiculously stupid i feel. So there. Then i can actually start studying. I have just over 6 months to get ready. Might *just* be enough time.
Meanwhile, I'm getting excited to start volunteering at Harborview. I have an orientation on Wednesday afternoon, and after that I'll probably start pretty soon. I also have an application in to volunteer at an abortion clinic, so i might actually do both - 1 day at each place.
I sent out an e-mail to a local listserv - MadronaMoms, for moms in our neighborhood - to ask if anyone was an MD, ND, NP, or PA and a mom and if they would be willing to talk to me about it. I got over 20 responses!! and mostly from MDs. I seriously can't believe how many doctors live in this neighborhood and who are willing to talk to me. I'm meeting with one next week who has mentored people in my situation before, so that should be helpful. I'm also particularly excited to talk to one woman who e-mailed me and is a 2nd year med student with a 1 year old and was very enthusiastic.
I've heard a lot of "you have to really want it" (duh) and "it's hard work, but worth it" type rhetoric (kind of like what people tell you before you have a child) - but this was the first person who actually seemed excited about the PROCESS, which really is just as important to me as the end product. I mean, i'm not going to suffer through 2 years of prereq's, the MCAT, 4 years of med school, 3+ years of residency if i'm not enjoying myself in the meantime, right? Anyway...
So that's where that's at.
Yesterday in advanced class at KF, Laurie taught this esoteric energy class - i got there late, so i had to jump right in, which was certainly difficult... but then... we partnered up. I partnered with Clayton, we were to sit facing each other, about a foot between us and just look at each other. No judging, just taking in each other's energy and not having any thoughts about them or letting our thoughts go. Well, i have to say, i couldn't keep it together. It's like when you're a kid - you go to church (not in my case, but satsang on the commune had a similar effect - http://bluest-one.blogspot.com) and you just can't stop laughing.
I felt so incredibly disrespectful to Laurie, but i couldn't control myself. Finally, I took a deep breath and stared at his shoulders. If I don't look at his face, i told myself, i would be able to not laugh. How hard could it be? So slowly my eyes meandered up to his face, which was also cracking up and I lost it all over again. *sigh* Well, it was good to have a laugh...
Then he partnered with Tristan and I partnered with Dave. Now THEY were laughing and that made me laugh. But more or less, i was able to control myself the second time. Seriously.
Fun class, though. I stayed on for conditioning (i need it!) and regular class, i love having that long class. Once i get going, i feel like i could train all night. I almost stayed on afterwards, but i was hungry.
Lucy had a great week at daycare all week. I don't know what to do with that child. Just when you think you know someone...
I'd better be off - a zillion things to do before she wakes up.
Later... Forgot to mention 2 things
1. Did pilates. It was great. There were things that everyone in that class was doing that I not only could not do, but there was no sign of there ever being a hint of a point in time in the future in which i might be able to do them. But it was good. And my body did feel good. And then I got a massage from Katy, so i felt real good.
2. You have to read my friend's blog from yesterday (9/14). And whenever you think your family is nuts....http://nothingwittyleft.blogspot.com/
Holy. Fucking. shit.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
The Calm After the Storm
So, after yesterday's initial dramatic entry to daycare, Lucy had one of her best days ever there - so I'm told by the daycare owner. She didn't cry at all after I left. Not only that, but daycare Jenny came over for the first time last night to babysit so Todd and i could go to Kung Fu and she had a GREAT time. (Background on this: Jenny has not been there usually on Lucy's days - Leah, the other assistant is always there - one time Jenny was there and she was not forewarned. All hell broke loose and from that day on, Lucy never wanted to see Jenny and would completely melt down when she saw her unexpectedly) Anyway, i think it was good for both of them - Apparently Jenny said to todd that "she is a completely different girl when she's not at daycare".
This kind of makes me swing both ways here - she had a good day at daycare and now likes Jenny. But it is clear that she is a different girl when not at daycare and I wonder what's right for her. I'm keeping her there for this month just to see how it goes, but in the meantime i'm looking for the perfect nanny. It might even just be good to get her daycare days down to two and get a one-on-one or one-on-two share for another day, so it's more even. Just thinking here... In any case, this morning there were but two or three perfunctory and obligatory "i don't want to go to daycare"s, but without any real emotion behind it. And when we got there, she got right into the routine and didn't even notice when we left. PHEW!!
I signed up for an online MCAT class - I was going to to a classroom review class, but the only one that fit the schedule would have eaten up my entire Sunday afternoon, and this way i can do it on my own time, when Lucy's in daycare so i can spend some of my weekend with my family. The class thus far is very annoying - you have to do these long "diagnostic" tests before you start - they have an "increase your score" guarantee and they compare it to the diagnostic test - some guarantee - i haven't reviewed anything and i have to take these ridiculous tests that make me feel like a complete moron since i haven't taken the classes in 5-10 years (if ever - i haven't taken physics yet - i'm pretty much guessing on all those questions)
I'm going to take the 3 hour MCAT diagnostic today *sigh* - I took only the "science" diagnostics, now i have to do more science and all the rest... WTF?! and THEN i can finally start reviewing. Retarded.
Had great KF classes last night - Todd and I went to regular class at SK (our school) - Sifu taught and it was a great class. Fun warmup (LOTS of kicking, man i really need to get my kicks back in order) followed by takedown punch counters. I worked with Todd on the takedowns, which was great, nice to feel like i can take a big guy down.
Then i rushed off to 7 star's Black/Brown class - I am always humbled in that group - we have very few advanced belts, so at this point i'm kind of a big fish at the school - in the 7 star class i'm very junior, i learn a lot from those ladies. We did sticky hands - with joint locks, unbalancing/takedowns, yielding, then we did bunkai on a wun hop form (we did limpo), then we did sticky hands wun hop style, then we did a really fun drill where one partner would kick the other and the other would try to get joint locks, yield or a takedown (slowly, of course). I partnered with Sifu Michelle, who is always great to partner with, very encouraging - which is good for me (i need encouragement!!). Then we did sticky hands incorporating all those other things. FUN!
I really enjoy doing those advanced classes, but I also feel very humbled (no, not humiliated) and not at all ready for black belt. I could wait another year...
Tonight is Sigung's stick class, but Todd is doing a golf tournament with his company, so he probably won't be back in time for either of us to go... That's OK, tomorrow I'm planning on self-training and trying a pilates class.
OK, well, at this point I'm just procrastinating the 15 item list that I have for today and tomorrow... here goes.
This kind of makes me swing both ways here - she had a good day at daycare and now likes Jenny. But it is clear that she is a different girl when not at daycare and I wonder what's right for her. I'm keeping her there for this month just to see how it goes, but in the meantime i'm looking for the perfect nanny. It might even just be good to get her daycare days down to two and get a one-on-one or one-on-two share for another day, so it's more even. Just thinking here... In any case, this morning there were but two or three perfunctory and obligatory "i don't want to go to daycare"s, but without any real emotion behind it. And when we got there, she got right into the routine and didn't even notice when we left. PHEW!!
I signed up for an online MCAT class - I was going to to a classroom review class, but the only one that fit the schedule would have eaten up my entire Sunday afternoon, and this way i can do it on my own time, when Lucy's in daycare so i can spend some of my weekend with my family. The class thus far is very annoying - you have to do these long "diagnostic" tests before you start - they have an "increase your score" guarantee and they compare it to the diagnostic test - some guarantee - i haven't reviewed anything and i have to take these ridiculous tests that make me feel like a complete moron since i haven't taken the classes in 5-10 years (if ever - i haven't taken physics yet - i'm pretty much guessing on all those questions)
I'm going to take the 3 hour MCAT diagnostic today *sigh* - I took only the "science" diagnostics, now i have to do more science and all the rest... WTF?! and THEN i can finally start reviewing. Retarded.
Had great KF classes last night - Todd and I went to regular class at SK (our school) - Sifu taught and it was a great class. Fun warmup (LOTS of kicking, man i really need to get my kicks back in order) followed by takedown punch counters. I worked with Todd on the takedowns, which was great, nice to feel like i can take a big guy down.
Then i rushed off to 7 star's Black/Brown class - I am always humbled in that group - we have very few advanced belts, so at this point i'm kind of a big fish at the school - in the 7 star class i'm very junior, i learn a lot from those ladies. We did sticky hands - with joint locks, unbalancing/takedowns, yielding, then we did bunkai on a wun hop form (we did limpo), then we did sticky hands wun hop style, then we did a really fun drill where one partner would kick the other and the other would try to get joint locks, yield or a takedown (slowly, of course). I partnered with Sifu Michelle, who is always great to partner with, very encouraging - which is good for me (i need encouragement!!). Then we did sticky hands incorporating all those other things. FUN!
I really enjoy doing those advanced classes, but I also feel very humbled (no, not humiliated) and not at all ready for black belt. I could wait another year...
Tonight is Sigung's stick class, but Todd is doing a golf tournament with his company, so he probably won't be back in time for either of us to go... That's OK, tomorrow I'm planning on self-training and trying a pilates class.
OK, well, at this point I'm just procrastinating the 15 item list that I have for today and tomorrow... here goes.
Monday, September 11, 2006
One of Those Days
You know those days, the ones you tend to call "just one of those days", well...
First, Lucy collapsed into sobs upon learning it was a daycare day. Throughout the two hours of getting ready - diapers, getting dressed, my shower, fixing breakfast, more diapers, nursing - there was the constant interjection of "I DON'T WANNA GO TO DAYCARE!" and "can we read some books before we go?" "can we nurse from both boobs before we go?" "I'm just playing with my trains for a few minutes first" "can we I DON'T WANNA GO TO DAYCARE!"
We finally got loaded up into the car and she sobbed the whole way to daycare, wailing "I WANT TO STAY WITH YOU TOAY MAMAAAAA!" When we got into daycare, it was the usual morning dropoff chaos, a boy a little older than lucy was crying for his daddy, and somebody had taken a REALLY stinky poop that was filling the whole house with an unbelievable stench. Lucy added to the chaos her own brand of sadness and it was a complete picture. She seemed ok when i left, though, distracted by talking about Octopuses - she has new octopus shoes she was proud to show off and she told Kathy about the big octopus she saw at the aquarium "yesterday" (the generic word for something that happened before today) and they have eight long arms called tentacles!
So I needed the gym after that. I had packed my bag so i was ready to go - i got down there, found a parking space and went inside. Got down to the lockers, changed, got my iPod ready and then looked for my shoes. SHIT! I forgot my gym shoes. Not only that, but the little scrap of paper that has my workout on it seems to have been lost. I'm lost without it, but I suppose i'll manage somehow.
Well, i needed new shoes anyway, so I decided to go up to the Running Company and get a new pair, forgetting about my freakishly small feet and the impossibility of finding shoes at a store (thank god for zappos.com). I walk in, tell the guy my size and he says, "hmmm.... lets see what we have..." and comes out with 3 boxes! "You found something!" I exclaim, but he pulls out a size 5 and a half and two size 6 pairs... i try them on to humor him, he tries to convince me that i need 3/4 of an inch past my big toe, i thank him and leave.
Another errand, as long as i'm on the hill - we need a new sleeper couch and there's a sleep store up on Pine. I go in and check it out. They have 3 sleeper couches - one that's incredibly hard and uncomfortable as a sleeper and as a sofa and two that are ok as sofas but terrible beds. OY!
0 for 3
I came home.
My first day off and I'm not getting anything done.
Perhaps I'll go for a bike ride or something
And make my MCAT study plan and start studying Physics
And finish washing the sheets, make the beds, clean the kitchen and ...
And find a nanny
and sign up for the AWMAI conference and 7 star weekend
And so forth
And it's already noon!
At least tonight i have regular class and then black/brown class at 7 star.
First, Lucy collapsed into sobs upon learning it was a daycare day. Throughout the two hours of getting ready - diapers, getting dressed, my shower, fixing breakfast, more diapers, nursing - there was the constant interjection of "I DON'T WANNA GO TO DAYCARE!" and "can we read some books before we go?" "can we nurse from both boobs before we go?" "I'm just playing with my trains for a few minutes first" "can we I DON'T WANNA GO TO DAYCARE!"
We finally got loaded up into the car and she sobbed the whole way to daycare, wailing "I WANT TO STAY WITH YOU TOAY MAMAAAAA!" When we got into daycare, it was the usual morning dropoff chaos, a boy a little older than lucy was crying for his daddy, and somebody had taken a REALLY stinky poop that was filling the whole house with an unbelievable stench. Lucy added to the chaos her own brand of sadness and it was a complete picture. She seemed ok when i left, though, distracted by talking about Octopuses - she has new octopus shoes she was proud to show off and she told Kathy about the big octopus she saw at the aquarium "yesterday" (the generic word for something that happened before today) and they have eight long arms called tentacles!
So I needed the gym after that. I had packed my bag so i was ready to go - i got down there, found a parking space and went inside. Got down to the lockers, changed, got my iPod ready and then looked for my shoes. SHIT! I forgot my gym shoes. Not only that, but the little scrap of paper that has my workout on it seems to have been lost. I'm lost without it, but I suppose i'll manage somehow.
Well, i needed new shoes anyway, so I decided to go up to the Running Company and get a new pair, forgetting about my freakishly small feet and the impossibility of finding shoes at a store (thank god for zappos.com). I walk in, tell the guy my size and he says, "hmmm.... lets see what we have..." and comes out with 3 boxes! "You found something!" I exclaim, but he pulls out a size 5 and a half and two size 6 pairs... i try them on to humor him, he tries to convince me that i need 3/4 of an inch past my big toe, i thank him and leave.
Another errand, as long as i'm on the hill - we need a new sleeper couch and there's a sleep store up on Pine. I go in and check it out. They have 3 sleeper couches - one that's incredibly hard and uncomfortable as a sleeper and as a sofa and two that are ok as sofas but terrible beds. OY!
0 for 3
I came home.
My first day off and I'm not getting anything done.
Perhaps I'll go for a bike ride or something
And make my MCAT study plan and start studying Physics
And finish washing the sheets, make the beds, clean the kitchen and ...
And find a nanny
and sign up for the AWMAI conference and 7 star weekend
And so forth
And it's already noon!
At least tonight i have regular class and then black/brown class at 7 star.
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