OK, so I'm warning all of you that this is very very nerdy. You might not want to go any further. But if you do, know that I experienced much joy writing this and I hope you all learn something.
Also, I'll give you the background. In our many classes, we have "learning objectives": Ten-thousand small things we need to know to pass the course. There are so many of them, our class decided to split them all up between us and enter them all in a google doc online. Some of them are as simple as "define necrosis". Others are not:i) In your own words, restate how the various components of the immune system interact when the body is presented with an antigen. This latter was my first assignment. And here, ladies and gentlemen is what happens when lack of sleep + extra coffee + a really complex topic + a sprinkling of sincere devotion to biology will get you.
I think if you ignore the terminology, you might like it too.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
First, a baddie (microbe or unwanted character of some kind) enters the scene and tries to get past the first lines of defense:
Skin, pH, sweat, tears, sebum all try to block his way.
He gets through the epithelium of the skin or GI and encounters the Innate Immune Response.
Innate Immune Response – Phagocytes (neutrophils and macrophages) see the baddie and his friends.
- Phagocytes will eat microbes and secrete cytokines, stimulating inflammation and a lymphocyte response (see below). There are also some specialized cells, Dendritic cells (more info below) and Natural Killer cells. NK cells march around the body just looking for baddies to kill.
- Complement system (proteins circulating in the body) will activate and take part in a number of activities including forming MAC – Membrane Attack Complex. MAC proteins see the baddies and attach to their membranes forming pores and ultimately lysis.
- Back to the dendritic cells – they are specialized cells that carry around chewed up antigens (proteins) that come from destroyed baddies. These dendritic cells are also known as Antigen Presenting Cells (APC’s) because, well, because they are cells that present antigens. They travel to the lymph nodes to present their chewed-up bits of bad guys to naïve T-cells. This stimulates proliferation and differentiation of T-cells.
- T-cells – now the T-cells become active T-cells. There are 2 kinds of active T-cells – T helper cells (CD4+) and T cytotoxic cells (CD8+). T cytotoxic cells kill (esp. virally) infected cells and tumors. T helper cells activate macrophages to become even more efficient killers and stimulate B-cells to enter clonal expansion and produce antibodies (more on this below)
Adaptive Immune Response –
- T-cells complex (get together) with B-cells and tell them (through the use of cytokine (chemical) messengers) to make antibodies.
- B-cells go into clonal expansion – this means they turn into plasma cells and make lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of antibodies against the antigen (remember the baddie?)
- Antibodies do all kinds of wonderful things and there are several different ones. Briefly, they neutralize baddies, opsonize (coat them so that they seem more delicious to macrophages), activate complement, protect against parasites, and protect newborns.
The body then hopefully returns to its basal state – the state of normalcy it held before. One difference is that it can now have memory cells. If the body encounters this particular kind of baddie again, it can skip over a bunch of steps and go straight into clonal expansion because it will now have memory cells.
And that is it in a nutshell.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Learning to Learn
Well, i'm in it now. It's 9:15 and I'm taking a 10 minute break from studying to blog. I'm taking Physiology, Pathology, Pharmacology, Research, Anatomy with dissection, and Microbiology for now. It's fast and it's furious, but I'm loving it! Every day I'm reminded of the gravity of what I'm doing. I'll hear words like, "When you're prescribing these for your patients, you have to remember x,y, and z....." and I'll think to myself, Holy shit, I'm going to have patients, this is real, this matters, and holy shit, I'm going to have patients!
Lucy's transition to Kindergarten is going rather smoothly so far. I mean, it's hard for her and transitions are hard for everyone, for all of us, but it's a great place and I'm glad she's there. They have "sight word cans" where they put all the words they can recognize by sight. Her first sight word, aside from Lucy, is squid. Her Uncle Clayton will like that ;)
She stays all day, generally 8 - 5, which is a long day for me and for her, but it's necessary for now. I take all my time outside of class to study so that when I'm with her, I can really be with her. Then back to the books after she goes to bed.
I'm having a hard time keeping up, I can't yet go into depth in my studies, the volume of material is just so incredible. However, I'm doing my best, I'm studying hard, and I'm keeping my head above water. I'm kind of a big-picture learner, so hopefully the gaps will fill in over time. I just really have no idea what to expect as far as exams and whatnot... I'm starting a study group this weekend, I think that will be helpful.
Tomorrow in Anatomy lab - the first cut. Yikes! We do all sorts of exploration of the thorax and abdomen, we get to pull out some guts and look for an appendix... I'm excited, but very nervous.
Just one last story before I head back to the books:
The other night we were having supper and Lucy took a swig of water that went down the wrong pipe. I asked her, "are you OK? Did it go down the wrong pipe?"
And she replied, "Yeah mama, it didn't go down my esophagus."
I love her.
So of course I answered, "Oh, did it go down your trachea?"
"Yeah. I'm OK."
Lucy's transition to Kindergarten is going rather smoothly so far. I mean, it's hard for her and transitions are hard for everyone, for all of us, but it's a great place and I'm glad she's there. They have "sight word cans" where they put all the words they can recognize by sight. Her first sight word, aside from Lucy, is squid. Her Uncle Clayton will like that ;)
She stays all day, generally 8 - 5, which is a long day for me and for her, but it's necessary for now. I take all my time outside of class to study so that when I'm with her, I can really be with her. Then back to the books after she goes to bed.
I'm having a hard time keeping up, I can't yet go into depth in my studies, the volume of material is just so incredible. However, I'm doing my best, I'm studying hard, and I'm keeping my head above water. I'm kind of a big-picture learner, so hopefully the gaps will fill in over time. I just really have no idea what to expect as far as exams and whatnot... I'm starting a study group this weekend, I think that will be helpful.
Tomorrow in Anatomy lab - the first cut. Yikes! We do all sorts of exploration of the thorax and abdomen, we get to pull out some guts and look for an appendix... I'm excited, but very nervous.
Just one last story before I head back to the books:
The other night we were having supper and Lucy took a swig of water that went down the wrong pipe. I asked her, "are you OK? Did it go down the wrong pipe?"
And she replied, "Yeah mama, it didn't go down my esophagus."
I love her.
So of course I answered, "Oh, did it go down your trachea?"
"Yeah. I'm OK."
Friday, August 29, 2008
I am not an Impostor
Well, I'm here. I'm finally starting (sort of). I've spent the past week in Orientation with my fellow Yale PA program beginners and am now sufficiently terrified and ready to begin.
If I hear the words "rigorous", "demanding", or "intense" one more time, I think I'll have a heart attack.
But I'm ready to start. Orientation week was filled with information such as how to get around, how to navigate the computers and libraries, and how to use insurance. The final day, yesterday, was a good ending. The first half of the day was our orientation to the gross anatomy lab. Combined with the first year med students, we sat through an incredibly illuminating lecture on the gravity of the gift we were each about to receive (a body) and the depth and breadth of emotion that we might feel. It was incredibly heartfelt and by the end I sincerely felt immense gratitude for the gift. It is called a gift here and we use the word 'donor' instead of 'cadaver' which brings home the idea of the gift and reminds us that it is a gift.
I was nervous and scared, but also excited to meet my donor.
I won't go into details of my donor's features, for privacy's sake, but I did take a good long look at her face before I began to poke and prod. And before I privately named her 'Maude'. I think that's a fitting name.
I have 6 lab partners, but 1 didn't show, so I think I might be down to 5.
The afternoon was spent elsewhere on a challenge course at a local high school. The challenge course is a series of exercises, physical and otherwise, designed to pull a team together and allow that team to get to know the rest of the team members. I had a wonderful time, I did get to know more of the people in my my small class of 36 and am truly excited to begin working with this diverse group. There are many leaders (we did all get into this rigorous, intense, and demanding program), but with strikingly differing backgrounds. There are deeply religious people, political left-wingers, military people, the gamut. I enjoy being with (almost) all of them!
The challenge course was also the first time all week we were allowed out of our "business casual" clothing. Hooray for t-shirts! This also meant the unveiling of my tattoo. I got some comments, but no sneering. You never know.
I'm ready to begin. This week I begin Anatomy (with dissection) lab, Pathology, Microbiology, and Research Methods. I believe next week I'll begin Pharmacology. I'm only slightly panicked, but mostly I'm excited to see if I can do it. In the back of my mind, I am constantly worried that I'll be discovered. I'm an impostor. I shouldn't be here. I'll never be able to complete this.
I have to just keep telling myself, I AM NOT AN IMPOSTOR. I'll get through this. I'm ready.
If I hear the words "rigorous", "demanding", or "intense" one more time, I think I'll have a heart attack.
But I'm ready to start. Orientation week was filled with information such as how to get around, how to navigate the computers and libraries, and how to use insurance. The final day, yesterday, was a good ending. The first half of the day was our orientation to the gross anatomy lab. Combined with the first year med students, we sat through an incredibly illuminating lecture on the gravity of the gift we were each about to receive (a body) and the depth and breadth of emotion that we might feel. It was incredibly heartfelt and by the end I sincerely felt immense gratitude for the gift. It is called a gift here and we use the word 'donor' instead of 'cadaver' which brings home the idea of the gift and reminds us that it is a gift.
I was nervous and scared, but also excited to meet my donor.
I won't go into details of my donor's features, for privacy's sake, but I did take a good long look at her face before I began to poke and prod. And before I privately named her 'Maude'. I think that's a fitting name.
I have 6 lab partners, but 1 didn't show, so I think I might be down to 5.
The afternoon was spent elsewhere on a challenge course at a local high school. The challenge course is a series of exercises, physical and otherwise, designed to pull a team together and allow that team to get to know the rest of the team members. I had a wonderful time, I did get to know more of the people in my my small class of 36 and am truly excited to begin working with this diverse group. There are many leaders (we did all get into this rigorous, intense, and demanding program), but with strikingly differing backgrounds. There are deeply religious people, political left-wingers, military people, the gamut. I enjoy being with (almost) all of them!
The challenge course was also the first time all week we were allowed out of our "business casual" clothing. Hooray for t-shirts! This also meant the unveiling of my tattoo. I got some comments, but no sneering. You never know.
I'm ready to begin. This week I begin Anatomy (with dissection) lab, Pathology, Microbiology, and Research Methods. I believe next week I'll begin Pharmacology. I'm only slightly panicked, but mostly I'm excited to see if I can do it. In the back of my mind, I am constantly worried that I'll be discovered. I'm an impostor. I shouldn't be here. I'll never be able to complete this.
I have to just keep telling myself, I AM NOT AN IMPOSTOR. I'll get through this. I'm ready.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
The Heartbreak of Home
I'm in Seattle for a quick visit. It's my very first real vacation without Lucy, so essentially my first vacation in almost five years. By that, I mean my first vacation from getting up with her in the morning (I slept uninterrupted until 8 am this morning, Pacific time!), taking baths without her asking to come in, using the bathroom without someone pounding on the door, shouting "Are you pooping?!" This last because in our house it's acceptable to enter if someone is merely peeing, but pooping requires privacy, for the adults at least. I don't have to cook dinners, clean up after anyone, make sure nobody's bored, hurt, sick, grumpy, or angry.
It has taken me three days to get used to it. This morning, I got up (at 8), videochatted with my family for the first time ever, took a bath and read my book, and am now sitting down to blog.
While I am certainly glad to be here, it is heartbreaking for me in many ways. We only left here 3 months ago and it still feels like my home, but I don't get to go home to my family at the end of my day, I'm staying in a hotel, a guest. I am going to Kung Fu and am still warmly welcomed as a member of the community, but I am referred to as a "special guest", I am in town all week (tip your waitresses).
Yesterday, I had a mission. Lucy has been into body parts - anatomy and physiology and biology... specifically, circulation. We've been getting books from the library and she likes learning about all the stuff that I'm going to be learning about starting next week. She was very into blood cells and was drawing them constantly when I remembered that I'd seen some toy ones someplace in Seattle. I'd told her about it and in an effort to ease the pain of me being gone so long, I told her I'd get her one during my trip. This mission served as a way to explore the city as a visitor and gave me something to do.
First, I took a bus to UW bookstore, which is where I initially saw the plush RBC. It is one of the 'giant microbe' line that is mostly made up of various plush anthropomorphized germs. I dug through their entire selection and they had no blood cells, red or otherwise.
I looked online and saw that someone had picked up a giant microbe from Ye Olde Curiosity Shoppe on the waterfront. I called them and asked if they had any RBCs, and was told that yes, they had 4 in stock. The next day, I hoofed all the way downtown, through Pike Place Market, down under, to the waterfront, past the Aquarium... and on to the Shoppe. All along the way, I was filled with a sense of mournful loss - I used to bus with Lucy here, I took her here for doughnuts, we spent many gloom-filled days at the aquarium...
Finally, I arrived at the Shoppe. I looked through their entire selection of large fuzzy microbes. No RBC's. They did have a WBC, but that's not what she wanted. I picked one up anyway. I went to a very grumpy old lady who was restocking things and told her that I'd called and was looking for an RBC from their giant microbe selection and was told that they had some in stock.
"Nobody told me!"
"Well, do you have any in stock?"
"Sigh. You want a red one? You didn't see any red ones?"
"Not a red 'one'. A Red Blood Cell."
"You looked?"
"Yes."
Pause. Stare.
"You want me to go look in the back?!"
Pause.
"Yes, that would be nice. I'd really appreciate it."
"There are lots of red ones here."
Pause.
Stare.
"I need a RED BLOOD CELL."
Another man comes out, seemingly the one who told me they had it in stock. He was apologetic, but equally perplexed as to why I need a particular one.
I tried to explain, holding up the White Blood cell I'd found. "You have the white blood cell, but I want the red one."
"You know, they don't usually come in different colors."
At this point, I found it really difficult to have compassion for them.
After gently explaining the difference between White and Red Blood cells and that they are actually different entities, the grumpy lady comes down carrying an enormous box full of plush germs. No RBC's.
Three separate times, she held out a WBC and said, "You want this one?"
The man in charge apologized for my trip.
"You have no idea how far I've come," I told him.
He must have felt guilty because he then called the distributor and came back with a list of all the retailers in Seattle that had the giant microbes.
I heartily thanked him and then went outside to phone.
I called them all, and none had the RBC.
Finally I called the UW bookstore, on the off chance they'd had a delivery or had a big backstock. I was on hold for 20 minutes, but an RBC was located in backstock! They held it for me and I went up and got it, walking far in the rain, taking 2 buses...
All the while, Lucy's school - I was actually too forlorn to go in and say hello to her teachers. Maybe later.
The parking lot attendant at the bookstore asked me, "Where's the baby?"
He is a lovely man, I've had many conversations with him - Lucy in the backseat, anxious to go home at the end of her day. He is divorced and has a little girl Lucy's age, he is from Northern Africa and is going back to school part time.
I miss that Lucy.
This morning, I hooked up the iChat, and videochatted with Todd and Lu. I showed her the RBC (his name is Airbubble). And then the WBC. She loves them and can't wait to have them. She shouted, "That white blood cell looks hungry! He needs some germs!"
I guess that will require another trip to the bookstore.
I feel sad that I am a guest here. Sad for all the reminders of the daily life I had here which are gone in a flash. Sad that I feel so comfortable here, navigating the buses, walking the streets because this is my home, but it isn't any more. (Compare trash all over the coastline and thrown carelessly from cars with the new law that there will be no foam or plastic at restaurants in Seattle any more *sigh*. UW has already gone 100% compostable)
But i'm thrilled to spend time with Clayton. I got to meet his new paramour, who is a lovely, beautiful, vivacious, intelligent woman (my assessment of the short time I spent with her over dinner last night). I'm excited to see Elise today. I'm glad to be training in the Fu with my Fu family and it is wonderful to still be in my room at 11 am after relaxing and sleeping in and taking baths and reading and....
I will be so glad to get home. Home. My new home. The place where my family is.
It has taken me three days to get used to it. This morning, I got up (at 8), videochatted with my family for the first time ever, took a bath and read my book, and am now sitting down to blog.
While I am certainly glad to be here, it is heartbreaking for me in many ways. We only left here 3 months ago and it still feels like my home, but I don't get to go home to my family at the end of my day, I'm staying in a hotel, a guest. I am going to Kung Fu and am still warmly welcomed as a member of the community, but I am referred to as a "special guest", I am in town all week (tip your waitresses).
Yesterday, I had a mission. Lucy has been into body parts - anatomy and physiology and biology... specifically, circulation. We've been getting books from the library and she likes learning about all the stuff that I'm going to be learning about starting next week. She was very into blood cells and was drawing them constantly when I remembered that I'd seen some toy ones someplace in Seattle. I'd told her about it and in an effort to ease the pain of me being gone so long, I told her I'd get her one during my trip. This mission served as a way to explore the city as a visitor and gave me something to do.
First, I took a bus to UW bookstore, which is where I initially saw the plush RBC. It is one of the 'giant microbe' line that is mostly made up of various plush anthropomorphized germs. I dug through their entire selection and they had no blood cells, red or otherwise.
I looked online and saw that someone had picked up a giant microbe from Ye Olde Curiosity Shoppe on the waterfront. I called them and asked if they had any RBCs, and was told that yes, they had 4 in stock. The next day, I hoofed all the way downtown, through Pike Place Market, down under, to the waterfront, past the Aquarium... and on to the Shoppe. All along the way, I was filled with a sense of mournful loss - I used to bus with Lucy here, I took her here for doughnuts, we spent many gloom-filled days at the aquarium...
Finally, I arrived at the Shoppe. I looked through their entire selection of large fuzzy microbes. No RBC's. They did have a WBC, but that's not what she wanted. I picked one up anyway. I went to a very grumpy old lady who was restocking things and told her that I'd called and was looking for an RBC from their giant microbe selection and was told that they had some in stock.
"Nobody told me!"
"Well, do you have any in stock?"
"Sigh. You want a red one? You didn't see any red ones?"
"Not a red 'one'. A Red Blood Cell."
"You looked?"
"Yes."
Pause. Stare.
"You want me to go look in the back?!"
Pause.
"Yes, that would be nice. I'd really appreciate it."
"There are lots of red ones here."
Pause.
Stare.
"I need a RED BLOOD CELL."
Another man comes out, seemingly the one who told me they had it in stock. He was apologetic, but equally perplexed as to why I need a particular one.
I tried to explain, holding up the White Blood cell I'd found. "You have the white blood cell, but I want the red one."
"You know, they don't usually come in different colors."
At this point, I found it really difficult to have compassion for them.
After gently explaining the difference between White and Red Blood cells and that they are actually different entities, the grumpy lady comes down carrying an enormous box full of plush germs. No RBC's.
Three separate times, she held out a WBC and said, "You want this one?"
The man in charge apologized for my trip.
"You have no idea how far I've come," I told him.
He must have felt guilty because he then called the distributor and came back with a list of all the retailers in Seattle that had the giant microbes.
I heartily thanked him and then went outside to phone.
I called them all, and none had the RBC.
Finally I called the UW bookstore, on the off chance they'd had a delivery or had a big backstock. I was on hold for 20 minutes, but an RBC was located in backstock! They held it for me and I went up and got it, walking far in the rain, taking 2 buses...
All the while, Lucy's school - I was actually too forlorn to go in and say hello to her teachers. Maybe later.
The parking lot attendant at the bookstore asked me, "Where's the baby?"
He is a lovely man, I've had many conversations with him - Lucy in the backseat, anxious to go home at the end of her day. He is divorced and has a little girl Lucy's age, he is from Northern Africa and is going back to school part time.
I miss that Lucy.
This morning, I hooked up the iChat, and videochatted with Todd and Lu. I showed her the RBC (his name is Airbubble). And then the WBC. She loves them and can't wait to have them. She shouted, "That white blood cell looks hungry! He needs some germs!"
I guess that will require another trip to the bookstore.
I feel sad that I am a guest here. Sad for all the reminders of the daily life I had here which are gone in a flash. Sad that I feel so comfortable here, navigating the buses, walking the streets because this is my home, but it isn't any more. (Compare trash all over the coastline and thrown carelessly from cars with the new law that there will be no foam or plastic at restaurants in Seattle any more *sigh*. UW has already gone 100% compostable)
But i'm thrilled to spend time with Clayton. I got to meet his new paramour, who is a lovely, beautiful, vivacious, intelligent woman (my assessment of the short time I spent with her over dinner last night). I'm excited to see Elise today. I'm glad to be training in the Fu with my Fu family and it is wonderful to still be in my room at 11 am after relaxing and sleeping in and taking baths and reading and....
I will be so glad to get home. Home. My new home. The place where my family is.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Catching Up - A New Haven Rant followed by the Plus Side
Well, we've moved to New Haven. I pretty much hate it here - the drivers are insane (seriously, it's anarchy on the roads, meaningless red lights + no helmet laws = well, i guess I'll see some head trauma when i get to rotations), there is no decent, halfway decent, or somewhat approachable natural foods store or local produce of any kind anywhere, recycling is a joke, and the people in my neighborhood are weird. By weird i mean, well, lets put it this way - I have a rather large tattoo on my right arm. This is a pretty stuffy neighborhood - it's middle class, but unbeknownst to me before I moved here, Connecticut is conservative... i get LOOKS on my tattoo. No comments, no questions, just looks. The men leer at me. They are all middle aged, married men and i can almost hear them daydreaming about the 'wild child' who just moved in next door.
It's creepy. They try to have long conversations full of small talk with me (without mentioning but also staring at my large tattoo). I've never had so much meaningless small talk either.
Lucy and I ride our xtracycle (big bike that she can sit on the back of http://www.xtracycle.com) a lot, which is really nice. We live in a pretty flat and low-key part of town, so that's fun. I had planned on riding everywhere, but I'm seriously terrified of the drivers here. I've been to Boston, Boston's traffic is controlled and temperate when compared to New Haven drivers. Oh, have i mentioned the amounts of garbage on the streets?! I am honestly SHOCKED at how many times I've seen people toss their bags of garbage out their windows. I seriously can't believe it. Which goes to the maddening and awfully saddening amounts of trash on the shoreline.
New Haven is blessed with a lovely shoreline which it largely ignores. West Haven and East Haven each have nice beaches, which would be fantastic and idyllic were it not for the tons of waste and human refuse lining the shores. It's disheartening, discouraging, and unpleasant.
But there are redeeming factors in this town as well, and I'm getting used to it here.
My dear friends Joe and Sarjan and their fun and forceful daughter Ruby have moved here as well. I have gotten to spend some real quality time with them which I haven't had with Sarjan since we were 16. Lucy adores Ruby (who is 11 months) and is constantly angling to spend more time with her. She is a wonderful big sister.
I have a Kung Fu school!
I taught a workshop a couple weeks ago and Sarjan signed up as did two others plus Todd. They have all signed on to continue with classes and I have had a few serious inquiries about classes to continue. I am enjoying it tremendously! I can't say how much this has changed my life here. I was miserable without kung fu - I missed Seattle so much, my friends, my Kung Fu family, my quality of life! Well, I don't know if you know this, but I heart Kung Fu. And it is coming through in my classes - having all my workshop participants continue with classes is truly divine. I can't believe how this has all worked out too.
I mean, one day, I was walking down the street in the main part of my neighborhood and I noticed a yoga/dance studio space that said it offered studio rentals. 3 weeks later, voilà! Ohana Kajukenbo is born.
More on Ohana in a later entry, for now that is enough dear reader. I am exhausted from a trip to Middletown where there is a truly fantastic children's museum
In summary, New Haven sucks, life is good.
It's creepy. They try to have long conversations full of small talk with me (without mentioning but also staring at my large tattoo). I've never had so much meaningless small talk either.
Lucy and I ride our xtracycle (big bike that she can sit on the back of http://www.xtracycle.com) a lot, which is really nice. We live in a pretty flat and low-key part of town, so that's fun. I had planned on riding everywhere, but I'm seriously terrified of the drivers here. I've been to Boston, Boston's traffic is controlled and temperate when compared to New Haven drivers. Oh, have i mentioned the amounts of garbage on the streets?! I am honestly SHOCKED at how many times I've seen people toss their bags of garbage out their windows. I seriously can't believe it. Which goes to the maddening and awfully saddening amounts of trash on the shoreline.
New Haven is blessed with a lovely shoreline which it largely ignores. West Haven and East Haven each have nice beaches, which would be fantastic and idyllic were it not for the tons of waste and human refuse lining the shores. It's disheartening, discouraging, and unpleasant.
But there are redeeming factors in this town as well, and I'm getting used to it here.
My dear friends Joe and Sarjan and their fun and forceful daughter Ruby have moved here as well. I have gotten to spend some real quality time with them which I haven't had with Sarjan since we were 16. Lucy adores Ruby (who is 11 months) and is constantly angling to spend more time with her. She is a wonderful big sister.
I have a Kung Fu school!
I taught a workshop a couple weeks ago and Sarjan signed up as did two others plus Todd. They have all signed on to continue with classes and I have had a few serious inquiries about classes to continue. I am enjoying it tremendously! I can't say how much this has changed my life here. I was miserable without kung fu - I missed Seattle so much, my friends, my Kung Fu family, my quality of life! Well, I don't know if you know this, but I heart Kung Fu. And it is coming through in my classes - having all my workshop participants continue with classes is truly divine. I can't believe how this has all worked out too.
I mean, one day, I was walking down the street in the main part of my neighborhood and I noticed a yoga/dance studio space that said it offered studio rentals. 3 weeks later, voilà! Ohana Kajukenbo is born.
More on Ohana in a later entry, for now that is enough dear reader. I am exhausted from a trip to Middletown where there is a truly fantastic children's museum
In summary, New Haven sucks, life is good.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Back and Forth
I've been languishing on this blog mostly because I'm focusing on my other one for the time being... I guess you'll have to follow me on both for now!
Not much other news - getting ready to move - 2 and a half weeks! Our big going-away party is this weekend. Grampa is coming out to lend a hand while we get the final things all ready to go. Holy crap, it's really happening!
My favorite latest Lucy conversation:
"Mama, how are we alive?"
"What do you mean?"
"You know, I mean, what is it that makes us be alive?"
Anyone out there have a good answer for that one?
Not much other news - getting ready to move - 2 and a half weeks! Our big going-away party is this weekend. Grampa is coming out to lend a hand while we get the final things all ready to go. Holy crap, it's really happening!
My favorite latest Lucy conversation:
"Mama, how are we alive?"
"What do you mean?"
"You know, I mean, what is it that makes us be alive?"
Anyone out there have a good answer for that one?
Monday, April 28, 2008
The Ranch Revisited
I used to work on another blog about my childhood on a religious commune in Oregon. I have lately been thinking about continuing that blog while I'm waiting for school to begin. Recent events in Texas have given me fodder for my re-introduction to that blog, so I would like to point you, my few but dedicated and valued readers, to my other blog.
http://www.bluest-one.blogspot.com
http://www.bluest-one.blogspot.com
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Another Good Reason for Me to go to PA School
My husband just super-glued his thumb together after slicing it open. With Super Glue.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Down Ovary!
I am home after a very short stay in the hospital whereupon an ovary plus growth plus fallopian tube were yanked from my insides. The surgery went very well, textbook they said, and I'm home resting (un)comfortably. I have the unfortunate biology that doesn't get any good feelings from percocet (pain pills), aside from the actual killing of the pain, which is a good feeling, don't get me wrong - but i also get extremely nauseous and dizzy. So, today, 2 days after the yanking of the said parts, I'm weaning myself off the percocet. I keep telling myself I'll take one because I'm in pain, but then i remember the nausea and dizziness and I am postponing as much as I can. It's 12:42.
I haven't pooped since Wednesday, which is the day I spent in the bathroom with the euphemistic "bowel prep kit" which sounds much more fun than it is.
It's Saturday.
So, long story short - growth = gone. Hurray! Growth = benign. Double Hurray! Belly = yucky pain and bloating :( Pills = nausea and dizziness but no pain - a wash. Flowers on my doorstep, phone calls from friends, and being waited on hand and foot = a wonderful side effect to surgery. Thank you all for the love and support.
I haven't pooped since Wednesday, which is the day I spent in the bathroom with the euphemistic "bowel prep kit" which sounds much more fun than it is.
It's Saturday.
So, long story short - growth = gone. Hurray! Growth = benign. Double Hurray! Belly = yucky pain and bloating :( Pills = nausea and dizziness but no pain - a wash. Flowers on my doorstep, phone calls from friends, and being waited on hand and foot = a wonderful side effect to surgery. Thank you all for the love and support.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Proud and Mushy
First, I want to catch up on the ovary thing - I had my visit with the oncologist. I really liked him and feel very reassured that what I have is not cancer. He seemed quite positive based on blood tests, pt history, etc. On the other hand, he felt fairly certain that he would have to remove my entire ovary while he was in there. It won't affect my fertility (well, by 1/2 it will, but in the long run, whatever) or hormones, it's just a little jarring to have my girl-parts removed. I will miss you, little Right-y!
I will be in for surgery on April 10. Wish me luck, i'm quite nervous.
On Sunday, it just so happened to be Easter Sunday, which we don't celebrate or observe in any real way, Lucy, Todd, and I went out for Brunch at our very favorite local haunt. (http://www.stclouds.com). On our way, an older gent with a grizzly white beard and ratty clothes approached us. He seemed friendly and obviously homeless. He gave us a long story which amounted of course to being hungry and without money. We listened to him and told him that we would bring him some food after our breakfast if he was still around.
Through breakfast, Lucy had many questions. Does that man have no house? Does he live on the street? When we told her about the mean world and how sometimes no matter what people do, things happen to them where they end up without money and without a house and they need our help, the help of people who have money and houses. People who are lucky like us. She was so thoughtful about this. She was glad we would bring him food and she insisted on drawing a picture for him, too.
She said, "When I go home, I will get my piggy bank and count the money in it and bring it to him."
"When we move to Connecticut, that man can have our house."
The thing that was so amazing about her response was that it came from a place of love and compassion. Totally. There was no guilt or remorse or discomfort or pretense or fear in her response. She had generous concern for the welfare of this man. In her heart she knew that she wanted to make him feel better.
When we were done with our lunch, we went out in the rain with a boxed veggie omelette breakfast. The man was still out there on the street, and he was clearly grateful for the food. But I think he was more grateful for the way Lucy talked to him, openly and again without pretense or fear. She said she wanted to draw him a picture. He looked so genuinely pleased by her presence as he squatted low to hear what she had to say. I think it was this interaction between them that meant more to him than the simple gesture of food.
How I love that little being!
I will be in for surgery on April 10. Wish me luck, i'm quite nervous.
On Sunday, it just so happened to be Easter Sunday, which we don't celebrate or observe in any real way, Lucy, Todd, and I went out for Brunch at our very favorite local haunt. (http://www.stclouds.com). On our way, an older gent with a grizzly white beard and ratty clothes approached us. He seemed friendly and obviously homeless. He gave us a long story which amounted of course to being hungry and without money. We listened to him and told him that we would bring him some food after our breakfast if he was still around.
Through breakfast, Lucy had many questions. Does that man have no house? Does he live on the street? When we told her about the mean world and how sometimes no matter what people do, things happen to them where they end up without money and without a house and they need our help, the help of people who have money and houses. People who are lucky like us. She was so thoughtful about this. She was glad we would bring him food and she insisted on drawing a picture for him, too.
She said, "When I go home, I will get my piggy bank and count the money in it and bring it to him."
"When we move to Connecticut, that man can have our house."
The thing that was so amazing about her response was that it came from a place of love and compassion. Totally. There was no guilt or remorse or discomfort or pretense or fear in her response. She had generous concern for the welfare of this man. In her heart she knew that she wanted to make him feel better.
When we were done with our lunch, we went out in the rain with a boxed veggie omelette breakfast. The man was still out there on the street, and he was clearly grateful for the food. But I think he was more grateful for the way Lucy talked to him, openly and again without pretense or fear. She said she wanted to draw him a picture. He looked so genuinely pleased by her presence as he squatted low to hear what she had to say. I think it was this interaction between them that meant more to him than the simple gesture of food.
How I love that little being!
Monday, March 17, 2008
On and Ovaries
So, I've been kinda busy with, well, nothing. It's hard to remember to blog when life has no exact rhythm and is more up and down and focus-free. Don't get me wrong, I've enjoyed it, and I've remained somehow completely busy, but it's not the same as having a predictable (though stressful) school or work schedule.
That said, I'm also having some freaky health issues. Those of you who have known me for some time know that I've had this silly ovarian cyst for years. In fact, I went the ER on my wedding night 5 years ago to find out what the pain in the abdomen was. I've been following it with a gynecologist since that time and recently went for a formal followup ultrasound. Long story short, it is now classified as a "complex, septated ovarian mass", which means that there are walls (septations) and that it has some fluid-filled and some solid compartments. New to this ultrasound, they ran a doppler and found that there is blood flow to the mass. These things are not good.
So I have to get it removed.
The gynecologist said i had to see an oncologist, which is the first thing that made me freak out. Of course, the word oncology being synonymous with cancer and certain death, I began to mentally plot out my funeral and make arrangements for Lucy and Todd's care (what, you think they take care of themselves?) Then the earliest the oncologist could get me in was April 10, over a month away, and the earliest they could schedule surgery would probably be mid-May, perilously close to our departure date.
I freaked out.
When I calmed myself down, I managed to remember (with Todd's help) that I have connections in the Medical world who could probably point me to someone with more immediate availability. I called Dr. C and she recommended this guy who is apparently top dog around here in gynecological oncology and he is getting me in tomorrow for the consult and April 10 for the surgery. Phew.
I am going back and forth between being relatively secure that this thing is benign and totally freaking out and trying to figure out how long chemo treatment will last and what other treatment I will have to endure... I will keep you posted, but I do think chances are good in my favor. My age, the fact that I have carried a child, the lack of ovarian cancer in my family and the family history non-malignant ovarian growths (my mom) all play out in my favor. But there is always a chance (furiously knocking on wood).
Other than that, our move date looms near.... 2.5 months to go! We fly out to New Haven in a couple weeks to sign for our house and register Lucy for school (she got into the good school we liked... Hurray for public school!)
I got this awesome xtracycle attached to my bike (http://www.xtracycle.com) and there are some ape-hanger handlebars so Lucy can ride on it. It rocks! New Haven is relatively flat so I imagine that Lucy and I will make many bike trips here and there and I will certainly ride to school when weather permits.
I am beginning to grow deeply sad about leaving the life I've made for myself here in Seattle for the past 14 years and don't know whether or not we will return... we just might! My friends, kung fu, small things like the restaurants I go to and the parks we play in... *sigh*
But, there are many things I'm looking forward to in New Haven. Having a built-in community of friends is pretty amazing - Joe, Sarj, and Lisa will all be there. My dad close by... it will be pretty great.
That said, I'm also having some freaky health issues. Those of you who have known me for some time know that I've had this silly ovarian cyst for years. In fact, I went the ER on my wedding night 5 years ago to find out what the pain in the abdomen was. I've been following it with a gynecologist since that time and recently went for a formal followup ultrasound. Long story short, it is now classified as a "complex, septated ovarian mass", which means that there are walls (septations) and that it has some fluid-filled and some solid compartments. New to this ultrasound, they ran a doppler and found that there is blood flow to the mass. These things are not good.
So I have to get it removed.
The gynecologist said i had to see an oncologist, which is the first thing that made me freak out. Of course, the word oncology being synonymous with cancer and certain death, I began to mentally plot out my funeral and make arrangements for Lucy and Todd's care (what, you think they take care of themselves?) Then the earliest the oncologist could get me in was April 10, over a month away, and the earliest they could schedule surgery would probably be mid-May, perilously close to our departure date.
I freaked out.
When I calmed myself down, I managed to remember (with Todd's help) that I have connections in the Medical world who could probably point me to someone with more immediate availability. I called Dr. C and she recommended this guy who is apparently top dog around here in gynecological oncology and he is getting me in tomorrow for the consult and April 10 for the surgery. Phew.
I am going back and forth between being relatively secure that this thing is benign and totally freaking out and trying to figure out how long chemo treatment will last and what other treatment I will have to endure... I will keep you posted, but I do think chances are good in my favor. My age, the fact that I have carried a child, the lack of ovarian cancer in my family and the family history non-malignant ovarian growths (my mom) all play out in my favor. But there is always a chance (furiously knocking on wood).
Other than that, our move date looms near.... 2.5 months to go! We fly out to New Haven in a couple weeks to sign for our house and register Lucy for school (she got into the good school we liked... Hurray for public school!)
I got this awesome xtracycle attached to my bike (http://www.xtracycle.com) and there are some ape-hanger handlebars so Lucy can ride on it. It rocks! New Haven is relatively flat so I imagine that Lucy and I will make many bike trips here and there and I will certainly ride to school when weather permits.
I am beginning to grow deeply sad about leaving the life I've made for myself here in Seattle for the past 14 years and don't know whether or not we will return... we just might! My friends, kung fu, small things like the restaurants I go to and the parks we play in... *sigh*
But, there are many things I'm looking forward to in New Haven. Having a built-in community of friends is pretty amazing - Joe, Sarj, and Lisa will all be there. My dad close by... it will be pretty great.
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Corrections
I read it on the internets so it must be true!
Well, I just wanted to correct my previous blog on 2 counts. Shannon Harps's (the stabbing victim) killer was found and arrested.
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2004145603_webharps25m.html
There were two men shot at Philly's - only the owner was killed. The other man, presumably a customer but possibly an employee, is in critical condition at Harborview.
Well, I just wanted to correct my previous blog on 2 counts. Shannon Harps's (the stabbing victim) killer was found and arrested.
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2004145603_webharps25m.html
There were two men shot at Philly's - only the owner was killed. The other man, presumably a customer but possibly an employee, is in critical condition at Harborview.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Where's my handbasket?
I just got back from Kung Fu where I learned that the new owner of Philly's Best, the sandwich institution on 23rd and Union was shot dead at 11:45 am yesterday in the shop. I don't know what I find most alarming about this. He is the second owner of the shop to be shot dead - the previous owner was killed 4 years ago in a robbery, I believe. This was not a robbery, apparently, it was personal.
The killer was on a rampage - first he went to his girlfriend's apartment and shot the place up, nobody was there. Then, he had some beef with the Philly's guy and so went straight there and killed him and a customer. In the late morning, broad daylight, weekday, right before the lunch rush.
One month ago, a young woman almost exactly my age was carrying groceries to her apartment on Capitol Hill, the wacky east-village-like white ghetto of Seattle. A man came up to her, stabbed her to death amidst her screams and before witnesses, ran off and was not ever caught. This death deeply affected me. I could be that woman. I lived on Capitol Hill for many years and have always wanted to move back there, I love the hill. I would not think twice of being on the street at 7 pm alone and unarmed.
This woman's death has brought a new sincerity to my kung fu training. I have always questioned myself, would I truly be able to defend myself against an assailant? Would I have the stomach to rip someone's eyes out, break their knees, their nose? I could never picture it, no, that's not it, I could never FEEL it. When I read about the woman on Capitol Hill, I knew that i could. I KNOW that I could. That I would fight against an assailant with all the tools that I have.
I bring that to my training now. When I practice street-fighting techniques, it no longer feels like playacting. I can feel the results of my attacks without it actually occurring. When I elbow someone's jaw (with friendly contact), I feel it breaking. I feel myself smashing it in, and instead of feeling frightened or disgusted, I feel empowered. I know that I have some tools to help me against an attacker.
i also realize the fragility of my body against any attacker who is on drugs or is carrying weapons or has friends. I know that my little body stands little chance against many things and I also know that I am likely to lose a real fight that befalls me. I also know that I will have the spirit to say to an attacker, YOU PICKED THE WRONG BITCH TO FUCK WITH TODAY and i will fight them with all the tools that I have. That woman's death reminds me of that fighting spirit.
I am scared that so many violent and horrific things are happening so close to me, all around me. I am terrified for Lucy and the world that sometimes seems so uncaring and upside-down. I am grateful for the tools I have, but I am never going to stop getting new tools, new weapons, new abilities to protect myself and my family. The world may seem like it's going to hell in a handbasket right now, but I am going to do what I can to keep it a good and safe place for me and my family to live.
My thoughts are with the families of the victims tonight and my heart goes out to all of them.
The killer was on a rampage - first he went to his girlfriend's apartment and shot the place up, nobody was there. Then, he had some beef with the Philly's guy and so went straight there and killed him and a customer. In the late morning, broad daylight, weekday, right before the lunch rush.
One month ago, a young woman almost exactly my age was carrying groceries to her apartment on Capitol Hill, the wacky east-village-like white ghetto of Seattle. A man came up to her, stabbed her to death amidst her screams and before witnesses, ran off and was not ever caught. This death deeply affected me. I could be that woman. I lived on Capitol Hill for many years and have always wanted to move back there, I love the hill. I would not think twice of being on the street at 7 pm alone and unarmed.
This woman's death has brought a new sincerity to my kung fu training. I have always questioned myself, would I truly be able to defend myself against an assailant? Would I have the stomach to rip someone's eyes out, break their knees, their nose? I could never picture it, no, that's not it, I could never FEEL it. When I read about the woman on Capitol Hill, I knew that i could. I KNOW that I could. That I would fight against an assailant with all the tools that I have.
I bring that to my training now. When I practice street-fighting techniques, it no longer feels like playacting. I can feel the results of my attacks without it actually occurring. When I elbow someone's jaw (with friendly contact), I feel it breaking. I feel myself smashing it in, and instead of feeling frightened or disgusted, I feel empowered. I know that I have some tools to help me against an attacker.
i also realize the fragility of my body against any attacker who is on drugs or is carrying weapons or has friends. I know that my little body stands little chance against many things and I also know that I am likely to lose a real fight that befalls me. I also know that I will have the spirit to say to an attacker, YOU PICKED THE WRONG BITCH TO FUCK WITH TODAY and i will fight them with all the tools that I have. That woman's death reminds me of that fighting spirit.
I am scared that so many violent and horrific things are happening so close to me, all around me. I am terrified for Lucy and the world that sometimes seems so uncaring and upside-down. I am grateful for the tools I have, but I am never going to stop getting new tools, new weapons, new abilities to protect myself and my family. The world may seem like it's going to hell in a handbasket right now, but I am going to do what I can to keep it a good and safe place for me and my family to live.
My thoughts are with the families of the victims tonight and my heart goes out to all of them.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Shiva
While I was in Connecticut scoping out kindergartens for Lucy, I learned that my beloved companion of 13 + years was killed by some sort of wild creature in the neighborhood.
Shiva has been with me longer than anyone I know, - 13 years, minus the few he spent with my brother while I went to college. He was adopted by Todd, who loved him as much as I did.
I got him when he was a sickly but wily little orange kitten. He had a cold of some sort that lasted for so long that it scarred his tear ducts and was plagued his entire life with a drippy eye. It was because of this that I became interested in nutrition and supplements (for pets) which led to my general interest in nutrition and health, which in turn leads me to where I am today.
He slept on my pillow when he was tiny and gradually grew and grew until he took over the whole thing and I had to get one of my own. He slept next to me until Lucy was born at which point he took a hiatus from the screaming and then from the bouncing and general loudness of children. He recently began to join me in bed again each night even if just for a quick scratch and purrfest.
He wasn't too crazy about the new addition we got to the family last year, either. Stellaluna tamed him, and though he pretended to merely tolerate her, but I knew he secretly loved her.
Though he was a curmudgeon, he always knew when I was sad or sick and came to sit and cuddle with me. He killed MANY rats since moving in here and left them partially eaten or intact as lovely gifts. I joked that the rats had an uprising and ultimately got him back in the end. You never know...
He began to become more ornery of late, pissing on the oven when we were too slow in feeding him. Though impatient about food, he also became more affectionate as he grew older. Sitting with us on the couch to get scratched and to fart.
I miss him terribly. I loved him as a real member of my family and it is hard for me to come home without his warm greeting.
Shiva has been with me longer than anyone I know, - 13 years, minus the few he spent with my brother while I went to college. He was adopted by Todd, who loved him as much as I did.
I got him when he was a sickly but wily little orange kitten. He had a cold of some sort that lasted for so long that it scarred his tear ducts and was plagued his entire life with a drippy eye. It was because of this that I became interested in nutrition and supplements (for pets) which led to my general interest in nutrition and health, which in turn leads me to where I am today.
He slept on my pillow when he was tiny and gradually grew and grew until he took over the whole thing and I had to get one of my own. He slept next to me until Lucy was born at which point he took a hiatus from the screaming and then from the bouncing and general loudness of children. He recently began to join me in bed again each night even if just for a quick scratch and purrfest.
He wasn't too crazy about the new addition we got to the family last year, either. Stellaluna tamed him, and though he pretended to merely tolerate her, but I knew he secretly loved her.
Though he was a curmudgeon, he always knew when I was sad or sick and came to sit and cuddle with me. He killed MANY rats since moving in here and left them partially eaten or intact as lovely gifts. I joked that the rats had an uprising and ultimately got him back in the end. You never know...
He began to become more ornery of late, pissing on the oven when we were too slow in feeding him. Though impatient about food, he also became more affectionate as he grew older. Sitting with us on the couch to get scratched and to fart.
I miss him terribly. I loved him as a real member of my family and it is hard for me to come home without his warm greeting.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Go Out With a BANG.
For those still hanging by a thread to see how I did this quarter:
Microbiology - 3.7
Lab - 3.3
and.... drumroll please....
Statistics - 3.9!!
I rock.
Microbiology - 3.7
Lab - 3.3
and.... drumroll please....
Statistics - 3.9!!
I rock.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
My Brain Shook
I'm done. I'm done! I'm DONE! I'm absolutely 100% completely done with being an undergrad. I took my last finals last week and now all I have to do is prepare my house, family, and self for moving across the country. I'm so glad! I'm not sure yet how I did overall, but I'm pretty confident I did well on my finals and finished out with a moderate bang. (is that a bing? a bap? whatever... i'm giddy)
In other news, well, there really is no other news. I was just feeling a bit neglectful of my blogging duties.
Today Lucy has been having a rough day. Well, we all have. She does something we don't like, we tell her not to do it in a grumpy way, which makes her do it again, because she feels bad and mad about having been told and then boom. A fight. It culminated tonight, after her best friend's birthday party and a long day of running around, cake, candy, and bad food.... Todd was clipping Stellaluna's (our black kitty) nails. Lucy made a loud noise which scared Stella. Stella scratched Todd. Todd told her in a grumpy way to not make noise and proceeded to continue with claw-clipping (i was *trying* to butt out) and she felt bad and mad and did another loud noise, the kitty really scratched todd and todd YELLED so LOUD!!!! I've never seen her yell at her like that ever... I've done it, but it's a first for papa...
Anyway, after the crying ended (major bigtime crying) and I was talking it over with her, she looked up at me with her tear-stained cheeks glistening and lip quivering and said, "He yelled so loud my brain shook."
Sometimes the imagery she comes up with astounds me. Especially in light of her extreme four-year-old behavior. She speaks with such clarity and beauty about feelings that she doesn't understand. It's miraculous.
Recently, she went through a phase when she was feeling not so well and I would pick her up at school and she looked so sad. Happy to see me, but like she was waking up from being sad. She told me each day, "I was feeling jealous for you." I thought she was just using the wrong word, a word I'd explained to her recently but that she wasn't grasping correctly. I would reply, "you missed me today?"
"Yes."
A couple of weeks later, I was alone in my car and the Writer's Almanac on NPR was on. It was Emily Dickenson's birthday and Garrison Keillor was reciting a poem, "The Last Night that She Lived". I realized that her word was so aptly chosen, it couldn't have been more real to what she was feeling. I was just too dense to understand. Not the last time, I'm sure.
The last Night that She lived
It was a Common Night
Except the Dying—this to Us
Made Nature different
We noticed smallest things—
Things overlooked before
By this great light upon our Minds
Italicized—as 'twere.
As We went out and in
Between Her final Room
And Rooms where Those to be alive
Tomorrow were, a Blame
That Others could exist
While She must finish quite
A Jealousy for Her arose
So nearly infinite—
We waited while She passed—
It was a narrow time—
Too jostled were Our Souls to speak
At length the notice came.
She mentioned, and forgot—
Then lightly as a Reed
Bent to the Water, struggled scarce—
Consented, and was dead—
And We—We placed the Hair—
And drew the Head erect—
And then an awful leisure was
Belief to regulate—
In other news, well, there really is no other news. I was just feeling a bit neglectful of my blogging duties.
Today Lucy has been having a rough day. Well, we all have. She does something we don't like, we tell her not to do it in a grumpy way, which makes her do it again, because she feels bad and mad about having been told and then boom. A fight. It culminated tonight, after her best friend's birthday party and a long day of running around, cake, candy, and bad food.... Todd was clipping Stellaluna's (our black kitty) nails. Lucy made a loud noise which scared Stella. Stella scratched Todd. Todd told her in a grumpy way to not make noise and proceeded to continue with claw-clipping (i was *trying* to butt out) and she felt bad and mad and did another loud noise, the kitty really scratched todd and todd YELLED so LOUD!!!! I've never seen her yell at her like that ever... I've done it, but it's a first for papa...
Anyway, after the crying ended (major bigtime crying) and I was talking it over with her, she looked up at me with her tear-stained cheeks glistening and lip quivering and said, "He yelled so loud my brain shook."
Sometimes the imagery she comes up with astounds me. Especially in light of her extreme four-year-old behavior. She speaks with such clarity and beauty about feelings that she doesn't understand. It's miraculous.
Recently, she went through a phase when she was feeling not so well and I would pick her up at school and she looked so sad. Happy to see me, but like she was waking up from being sad. She told me each day, "I was feeling jealous for you." I thought she was just using the wrong word, a word I'd explained to her recently but that she wasn't grasping correctly. I would reply, "you missed me today?"
"Yes."
A couple of weeks later, I was alone in my car and the Writer's Almanac on NPR was on. It was Emily Dickenson's birthday and Garrison Keillor was reciting a poem, "The Last Night that She Lived". I realized that her word was so aptly chosen, it couldn't have been more real to what she was feeling. I was just too dense to understand. Not the last time, I'm sure.
The last Night that She lived
It was a Common Night
Except the Dying—this to Us
Made Nature different
We noticed smallest things—
Things overlooked before
By this great light upon our Minds
Italicized—as 'twere.
As We went out and in
Between Her final Room
And Rooms where Those to be alive
Tomorrow were, a Blame
That Others could exist
While She must finish quite
A Jealousy for Her arose
So nearly infinite—
We waited while She passed—
It was a narrow time—
Too jostled were Our Souls to speak
At length the notice came.
She mentioned, and forgot—
Then lightly as a Reed
Bent to the Water, struggled scarce—
Consented, and was dead—
And We—We placed the Hair—
And drew the Head erect—
And then an awful leisure was
Belief to regulate—
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
DUUUUUUUDE!
So, i went to Yale for the interview. It was awesome. First, some first-year students hosted a dinner for us interviewees - very informal, just a chance to ask a lot of questions and eat some free food and enjoy a free beer. I had been feeling a bit sick all day - some weird infection that I will get into later - but I managed to have a great time and get a lot out of it. The most remarkable thing was that all these students seemed, well, happy! They were all very happy, well-rounded, relaxed people who seemed to be very diligent intelligent people who also had time for lives outside of the classroom.
(This is in opposition to the first program (and most others) who tried to scare us all with how much we would be in class and pretty much have no time for outside activities. Students seemed less healthy and happy, and a bit overwhelmed....)
At any rate, I was very impressed with the caliber of the students I met and with how much they seemed to feel supported in this very intense program by faculty and each other.
That night, i had a fever and a bad stomach thing and I couldn't get to sleep until about 4:30 am. I had to get up at around 6 to get to my 8:00 interview - so needless to say, I was not in prime condition. I slogged my way there after being unable to eat breakfast or (gasp) drink a cup of coffee. I was incredibly nervous and shaky and exhausted and a bit out of it. Luckily, my interviews were early in the day - so I got them over with rather quickly.
The first one was with the program director. She also had someone following her around, so he chimed it a bit as well, but she was in charge. It was very relaxed (I wasn't) and conversational. I felt OK about it, but I also felt like i kind of babbled on a bit, being a little out of sorts. Anyway, the next interview went very well, it was much more "interviewy" - 3 PAs - a faculty member and 2 practicing clinicians - were asking me questions. I relaxed a bit and felt very good about this one. The rest of the day consisted of info sessions, lunch with students, sitting in on a lecture, and a tour. By the end of the day, I was absolutely sure this was the place for me. I was ready to blow off all other interviews and acceptances, even if I didn't get in, I would reapply next year. I loved it.
As I told the director at the end of my interview, it seemed to really live up to the "hype".
"We have a hype?" She asked, at which point I was certain I'd blown it.
I walked off to my hotel, not really knowing how I did, but feeling OK about it. I was told time and again that they would likely let me know one way or another by the end of next week or 2 weeks from now at the latest. I was ready for the torture of waiting 2 weeks.
I got back to the hotel, told my dad all about it (he'd been watching Lucy all day, since Todd had to go to Nashville for work) and called my mom to fill her in. I hung up the phone and saw that it was ringing with a connecticut area code - I thought it would be my friend Lisa. Or Yale to ask me for some more information on an essay they'd had me write. Or to reject me and get it over with.
It was Mary, the program director. She was calling to tell me how much she'd enjoyed meeting me. She went on to say that sometimes they like to call a few people they are particularly excited about right away to invite them to join the program. She said she hoped I would complete my PA training at Yale.
Oh. My. God.
I told her how excited I was and we had a short conversation after which I yelled and screamed and had a jump hug with Lucy and my dad.
I did it. I got into YALE!!!
I can't wait.
(This is in opposition to the first program (and most others) who tried to scare us all with how much we would be in class and pretty much have no time for outside activities. Students seemed less healthy and happy, and a bit overwhelmed....)
At any rate, I was very impressed with the caliber of the students I met and with how much they seemed to feel supported in this very intense program by faculty and each other.
That night, i had a fever and a bad stomach thing and I couldn't get to sleep until about 4:30 am. I had to get up at around 6 to get to my 8:00 interview - so needless to say, I was not in prime condition. I slogged my way there after being unable to eat breakfast or (gasp) drink a cup of coffee. I was incredibly nervous and shaky and exhausted and a bit out of it. Luckily, my interviews were early in the day - so I got them over with rather quickly.
The first one was with the program director. She also had someone following her around, so he chimed it a bit as well, but she was in charge. It was very relaxed (I wasn't) and conversational. I felt OK about it, but I also felt like i kind of babbled on a bit, being a little out of sorts. Anyway, the next interview went very well, it was much more "interviewy" - 3 PAs - a faculty member and 2 practicing clinicians - were asking me questions. I relaxed a bit and felt very good about this one. The rest of the day consisted of info sessions, lunch with students, sitting in on a lecture, and a tour. By the end of the day, I was absolutely sure this was the place for me. I was ready to blow off all other interviews and acceptances, even if I didn't get in, I would reapply next year. I loved it.
As I told the director at the end of my interview, it seemed to really live up to the "hype".
"We have a hype?" She asked, at which point I was certain I'd blown it.
I walked off to my hotel, not really knowing how I did, but feeling OK about it. I was told time and again that they would likely let me know one way or another by the end of next week or 2 weeks from now at the latest. I was ready for the torture of waiting 2 weeks.
I got back to the hotel, told my dad all about it (he'd been watching Lucy all day, since Todd had to go to Nashville for work) and called my mom to fill her in. I hung up the phone and saw that it was ringing with a connecticut area code - I thought it would be my friend Lisa. Or Yale to ask me for some more information on an essay they'd had me write. Or to reject me and get it over with.
It was Mary, the program director. She was calling to tell me how much she'd enjoyed meeting me. She went on to say that sometimes they like to call a few people they are particularly excited about right away to invite them to join the program. She said she hoped I would complete my PA training at Yale.
Oh. My. God.
I told her how excited I was and we had a short conversation after which I yelled and screamed and had a jump hug with Lucy and my dad.
I did it. I got into YALE!!!
I can't wait.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Chugga chugga choo chooooo
So now Cornell has contacted me for an interview as well! I'm not entirely keen on their program, it's very type-A, surgical focus, etc. etc. I mean the first year class days are Monday - Friday 8-5... in class... not to mention the time needed to study. Also, Cornell Medical School is in New York City, which i would love, but I think todd is extremely trepidatious about it. He loves his car and that would be a big deal. But... Well anyway, I'm interviewing there, just to see what it's all about. I'm still really hoping for YALE.
Did I already write about sweet Lucy's comment? She asked me when we were moving to Yale, and I told her that I hadn't been accepted yet, I was still just hoping to get in. She said, "Magic, magic, magic.... Mama get into YALE!" I love that girl.
She has been fantastic company lately. Like I said earlier to my friend Sarjan, having a four-year-old totally ROCKS.
I have been slacking on my kung fu lately... just don't have time for it between school and panicking about PA school and being a parent and whatnot. I did go last night and I learned a very cool knife form in its entirety. Sifu encouraged me to get a live blade to practice with. Yikes. I asked her after class about teaching while I'm away. I figure, I will have no time to really train on my own, but if I can commit to teaching a couple lunchtime classes per week, then I'll still be training! I got her seal of approval... she told me i'm certified to open my own school if i want. (i don't, but it's nice to be told that it's OK). So, i'm kind of vaguely thinking that's the direction my training will take while I'm in PA school - it will certainly take a backseat, but I don't want to lose it. It is part of who I am.
I've been doing well in my classes, but not as well as I keep expecting. There's still time, but Microbiology is the only one i'm vaguely certain of getting an A in... I will also be missing quite a lot of class to fly to the East coast for my interviews - 2 days the week after Thanksgiving (Yale) and two days the week after that (Cornell). Then the following week is finals week - it will be hard to focus. Still...
Then, if I get into Yale, the next six months are FREE - well aside from the packing, moving, school-hunting (for Lucy) and re-settling that will ensue - I just mean I won't need to be taking any more classes. Which would be nice.
We'll see.
Time to go put my little friend to bed.
Did I already write about sweet Lucy's comment? She asked me when we were moving to Yale, and I told her that I hadn't been accepted yet, I was still just hoping to get in. She said, "Magic, magic, magic.... Mama get into YALE!" I love that girl.
She has been fantastic company lately. Like I said earlier to my friend Sarjan, having a four-year-old totally ROCKS.
I have been slacking on my kung fu lately... just don't have time for it between school and panicking about PA school and being a parent and whatnot. I did go last night and I learned a very cool knife form in its entirety. Sifu encouraged me to get a live blade to practice with. Yikes. I asked her after class about teaching while I'm away. I figure, I will have no time to really train on my own, but if I can commit to teaching a couple lunchtime classes per week, then I'll still be training! I got her seal of approval... she told me i'm certified to open my own school if i want. (i don't, but it's nice to be told that it's OK). So, i'm kind of vaguely thinking that's the direction my training will take while I'm in PA school - it will certainly take a backseat, but I don't want to lose it. It is part of who I am.
I've been doing well in my classes, but not as well as I keep expecting. There's still time, but Microbiology is the only one i'm vaguely certain of getting an A in... I will also be missing quite a lot of class to fly to the East coast for my interviews - 2 days the week after Thanksgiving (Yale) and two days the week after that (Cornell). Then the following week is finals week - it will be hard to focus. Still...
Then, if I get into Yale, the next six months are FREE - well aside from the packing, moving, school-hunting (for Lucy) and re-settling that will ensue - I just mean I won't need to be taking any more classes. Which would be nice.
We'll see.
Time to go put my little friend to bed.
Monday, November 05, 2007
Another Quick Update
Yale!
They contacted me for an interview. I interview on November 26th. I am VERY excited! WOOOOOOHOOOOOO!
Wish me luck.
They contacted me for an interview. I interview on November 26th. I am VERY excited! WOOOOOOHOOOOOO!
Wish me luck.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Are We There Yet?
Milestones here, some candy there... it's been a long couple of weeks.
I was accepted at Arcadia. I was going to turn them down until I received my official letter including an offer for a substantial scholarship and some mysterious "Merit Award". So I am giving them a second thought. I sent them a deposit, but am still hoping to get other offers for interviews at my top choices. Yale, where are you?!
I'm obsessively checking e-mail because Yale's timeline approaches completion... they said that we should be hearing regarding interviews by the end of October or early November - Halloween is tomorrow! Nobody has heard yet, according to a message board to which I'm subscribed. I'm also waiting to hear from George Washington in D.C. (i've kind of written that one off, they're already conducting interviews, but they've not yet rejected me) and Cornell, as well as the school in Boston. I'm interviewing in Philly in January.
Lucy turned 4!! She poops regularly in the toilet, is delightful fun, and will be a witch tomorrow for halloween. She told me yesterday that she wanted to be Batman instead, but I'm not buying any prefab plastic batman suit... I offered for her to be Batwitch - i could put the Batman emblem on her witch dress, but no dice. "That will be make me look crazy, mama!" Isn't that what Halloween is about?
Tomorrow her school does the best thing ever: All the kids go out in their costumes - ages 1-5 - and do a Halloween parade around the block. I think I will pee my pants.
School sucks.
I'm doing OK in Statistics. It's better than I thought it would be, but I haven't had any exams yet, so ask me next week (exam Friday).
I'm doing very well in Microbiology despite the fact that my prof could make the most interesting and exciting subject so boring i feel like repeatedly poking a pencil in my eyeballs for entertainment.
The one class I really enjoy - my microbiology lab - is going to be the death of me! I have totally SUCKED on all my quizzes and quizzes are what count. Those and the final exams. I mean, i LOVE the lab - it's interesting, I know what I'm doing, I really enjoy it, but i really suck at taking the tests in it. I will totally cry if i get a shitty grade in lab.
In any case, I don't think i'll be at UW next quarter. I probably don't have to do school at all after this until I start PA school depending on where I go, but I think I'll do the medical assisting thing anyway, just in case. That should be fun. And the schedule is super-flexible, so i can have a whole day with Lucy again. Hurray!
I was accepted at Arcadia. I was going to turn them down until I received my official letter including an offer for a substantial scholarship and some mysterious "Merit Award". So I am giving them a second thought. I sent them a deposit, but am still hoping to get other offers for interviews at my top choices. Yale, where are you?!
I'm obsessively checking e-mail because Yale's timeline approaches completion... they said that we should be hearing regarding interviews by the end of October or early November - Halloween is tomorrow! Nobody has heard yet, according to a message board to which I'm subscribed. I'm also waiting to hear from George Washington in D.C. (i've kind of written that one off, they're already conducting interviews, but they've not yet rejected me) and Cornell, as well as the school in Boston. I'm interviewing in Philly in January.
Lucy turned 4!! She poops regularly in the toilet, is delightful fun, and will be a witch tomorrow for halloween. She told me yesterday that she wanted to be Batman instead, but I'm not buying any prefab plastic batman suit... I offered for her to be Batwitch - i could put the Batman emblem on her witch dress, but no dice. "That will be make me look crazy, mama!" Isn't that what Halloween is about?
Tomorrow her school does the best thing ever: All the kids go out in their costumes - ages 1-5 - and do a Halloween parade around the block. I think I will pee my pants.
School sucks.
I'm doing OK in Statistics. It's better than I thought it would be, but I haven't had any exams yet, so ask me next week (exam Friday).
I'm doing very well in Microbiology despite the fact that my prof could make the most interesting and exciting subject so boring i feel like repeatedly poking a pencil in my eyeballs for entertainment.
The one class I really enjoy - my microbiology lab - is going to be the death of me! I have totally SUCKED on all my quizzes and quizzes are what count. Those and the final exams. I mean, i LOVE the lab - it's interesting, I know what I'm doing, I really enjoy it, but i really suck at taking the tests in it. I will totally cry if i get a shitty grade in lab.
In any case, I don't think i'll be at UW next quarter. I probably don't have to do school at all after this until I start PA school depending on where I go, but I think I'll do the medical assisting thing anyway, just in case. That should be fun. And the schedule is super-flexible, so i can have a whole day with Lucy again. Hurray!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)