Lucy's allowance (haiku)

Lu dances naked

With wad of saved up singles

Bodes ill for future

How Much We Owe to All Our Partners

Here's a letter I sent to my Sifu regarding my first Orange belt test as a Sifu and what I learned (which was not at all what I expected).

So my tester did wonderfully - excellent instincts, fantastic spirit, really above and beyond. Todd and 2 other students were there to participate and support, so it ended up being a really great test. My (first) true test as a Sifu came afterwards. Sort of.

So, one of the participants was my childhood friend Sarjan. She was one of my first students, but then she got pregnant and had baby #2 and has had health problems, so hasn't been training in some time. But she came because she wanted to be supportive and possibly get back into the game. It suited her well. Anyway, during sparring, Jenny (the tester) has this instinct to go inside and hook high kicks which works really well with big guys like todd and the other guy, but Sarjan had not been training much or for a long time and Jenny ended up briefly grabbing hold of her leg, Sarjan fell on outstretched hand. She seemed fine, and left a bit early and Jenny finished her test wonderfully. I thought nothing of it -

Until Sarjan called me to tell me she broke her arm. I felt so awful - she is my friend and she came to support me and to support Jenny - and I let her just get out there and spar, and what am I teaching these people anyway... I wrestled with that one all night and then I finally spoke to Sarjan this evening. And while this is kind of a weird case, since Sarjan is my friend and she's new to kung fu - I came to realize that Jenny did great, she didn't do anything wrong. If anything, her instincts were well beyond her level, she was never out of control even when she was clearly very tired and her skills were right there. I played all the mental movies of all the tests I did or participated in, all the injuries that occurred, and this one was no more or less somebody's fault. In kung fu, you can get hurt. I broke my arm in the same humiliating way in a tae kwon do tournament. That shit happens.

My talk with Sarjan was so hard for me - I ended up being very clear that it wasn't my fault or Jenny's fault (when I say childhood friend, i mean the kind that knows you in ways that are old and painful sometimes if you know what I mean - nobody knows me like she does - this was not an easy conversation) - but she was feeling wronged and like there was something preventable in what happened. I was like two people - the friend that feels incredibly sorry that she is in pain and her life will suck for several weeks and feeling like i had something to do with that. And the person who teaches kung fu and has been injured and punched in the face and had my ego pulled out from under me too many times to count - that one knows that shit happens. And we really do learn from it. Every time.

I heard Professor telling me so what if i'm punched in the nose, i don't just get a time out - what if that happens on the street? I heard myself apologizing for breaking Paul's eardrum during his green belt test. I felt myself get enraged at Greg for hitting me so hard in the neck. All of those things played through my mind and I realized they make me the martial artist I am, for better or worse.

I also learned that I need to spend more time teaching my students to fall and what to do when they get under a kick.

I think I just grew a little today :)

Thank you Sifu! I miss you.

Hira

They're back

I'm back to the status haiku - but not before a quick update:

Started rotations - completed 3 actually: 2 primary care and 1 internal med. I absolutely adore primary care, adore patients, love patient care continuity, can't beat the schedule.

Hated IM 1 - too much rounding, loooong hours, too much academic bullshit, too much hierarchy (med students --> interns --> residents --> attendings...), and worst of all, barely any patient contact. I would carry one patient and see them for maybe a half hour each day, the rest of the day spent rounding on other patients, writing notes, attending classes. Blech. I was at the VA hospital, and I do love the vets - what a lovely bunch of patients. I just didn't see enough of them. And the upshot anyway is that the worst day on rotations beats the best day in that classroom!

IM 2 should be better though, I'll be at Yale on the hospitalist team, paired with PA's! It's not an academic service, so I'll actually be doing what PA's can do all day - take care of patients, etc. Here's hoping, anyway.

That said, I have a month in between for thesis preparation (thesis month 1 of 2). I have no idea what is expected of me this month as far as a "progress report" but I'll get it done and then I'll have a bit of a vacation. The only one I'll get this year, I might add.

12 more months to go!

And here are my last 2 status haiku:

Haircut, face wax, dress

All ready for the party

Why this belly ache?!

Slothful, waking up

Crusted lids, aching body

The morning after

Winding down

Didactic year ends
Do you think I will miss it?
What, are you kidding?!

Slowly going mad

I have gotten to the point where everything non-medical makes me think medical (my brother says his heart is well - i think chest pain and shortness of breath) and everything medical makes me hungry (to wit: below)

31 more days of didactic year to go. And that includes weekends. Fuck yeah.

O cervical os
A round O, a donut hole
Making me hungry

A fight with Lucy

A fight with the girl
Blow out the pipes and we're done
Kiss and make up, healed (status haiku)

An extra one

Dreams of a patient
Stenosis murmurs loudly
Smiles softly through wires

Summer

Summer's here at last
Taking barely passing grades
So I can enjoy (status haiku)

Lucy's tooth (status haiku)

Lucy lost a tooth
Pumping her legs on the swing
High and fast she grows

The cycle begins again

I took my pathology exam today, and now I must prepare for GI. Here's my status haiku for the day:

Sits down to study
Lids and heart heavy, she sighs
The next starts too soon

I-miss-Seattle-on-memorial-day haiku

Seattle Folklife
Fountain, sunshine, music, FOOD
a thing that I miss

Friday haiku

Dirty martinis
Not quite two and feeling buzzed
Tolerance gone

Physiology haiku

Physiology
Really, how hard can it be
Breathe in, breathe out, right?

Status haiku

OK, so my head has been buried under mountains of books. There is just no time. Nope. Nada. So, I'm taking a page from my dad's blog book and I'm updating my status (on Facebook too) with haiku. I figure I can manage 17 syllables once in a while.

Procrastinating
Brush teeth tap feet hum facebook
Anything but lungs

Nothing of interest - A lesson in derm.

I really don't have anything of interest to say so I thought I'd post a couple quotes from my derm module:

From a slide of a gory blistery arm: 

"Most common chronic, autoimmune, subepidermal, blistering disease"

Which begs the question, what is the LEAST common chronic, autoimmune, subepidermal, blistering disease?

A resident lecturer's statement on another disease:

"For as benign as this is, it can kill you."

And from another lecturer:

"In no particular order, this appears in red, blue and white.  White first, then blue and then red."

In other words, in no particular order except in the reverse order from which they were stated.

And finally, upon seeing a picture of a child with impetigo and asking questions, Lucy wanted to know, "What does that feel like to the germs?"

To which I replied (while tickling her face of course), "mmmmmm yummy face!"

1-20-09

I am truly proud of us this moment.  

Proud that we were able to remember our mistakes and move forward.

That our collective memory is short but our sense of American pride is long.

That out of darkness we rose up instead of shrinking beneath.

That our President speaks in full sentences with real words and we endeavor to keep up instead of keeping ourselves down.

That the American spirit is indomitable but malleable, optimistic and idealistic, determined and steadfast.

I am proud of all of us right now and I am ready to take responsibility and move forward.

And to quote Lucy, "Go Obama!  G-O Obama!"

Cute story...

I took Lucy to her a birthday party yesterday for the boy to whom I'm told she is engaged.  It was a regular party with 5 and 6-year olds bouncing off the walls for 2 hours.  They were doing this game where each kid would walk across this giant foam cylinder while the groupleader shook it and made them fall off.  When it was Lucy's turn, she fell and laughed hysterically and fell again and laughed hysterically and all the kids were laughing right along with her.  She came flopping joyfully off and sat back on the line near the boy and I heard him sigh dreamily to himself, "I'm gonna marry beautiful Lucy." 

I died a little.

Sloggin' through

Well, I feel I've been neglecting you, my faithful readers, so I thought I'd stop by and say hi.  Hi!

Let's see... I've been a little busy lately.  I'm kind of in school or studying or thinking about being in school or studying and that's my whole life.  Well, that and trying to still be a loving mom and sexy adoring wife.  To those ends, I think I've been marginally successful.

Lu is going through a very tough phase right now, hopefully coming out the other side of it.  She FREAKS OUT and throws tantrums and has discovered the joys of being obnoxious just to get on people's (my) nerves - things like sticking her butt in my face, licking, you know... fun.  I have discovered that 5 is the new 2.  

She knows my buttons too - I have a big button about her being spoiled.  I never had a lot of stuff growing up - I grew up with about 100 other kids  and we all had the same exact stuff - a deck of cards and that was about it.  It's been an ongoing challenge for me since Lucy was born - I love that I don't have to worry about money, I think it's amazing, but I also don't take it for granted and I work very hard so that Lucy won't take it for granted either.  I don't hand her everything she ever wants on a platter, I also don't get myself lots of toys and goods - I don't really want them and it's important for me to live simply.  It's important for me that Lucy know how to live simply. I know these are my issues and Lucy is who Lucy is, and that Lucy is FIVE and wants TOYS and CANDY just like any other five-year-old.  It still really gets to me when she throws a huge fit that I won't get her a new stuffed toy to fill her basket of one million "soft and squishy and cute" stuffed toys.

But as always, these phases last just long enough for me to want to tear all my hair out and defenestrate her and she begins to emerge on the other side, both of us worse for wear, but always closer than ever, both of us having worked out our stuff together.

At least that's the hope.  I'll keep you posted.

On other fronts - school is school.  It's winding down a bit - I have 3 finals over the next 2 weeks and then TWO WEEKS OFF with nothing more to do than snuggle with my family, sleep in (every other day, of course), work out, go for walks, see Santa (in Woodstock), visit with friends, read books, watch TV, drink wine with my dinner, smooch with my sweetie (who by the way is turning out to be a most excellent househusband - he even cooks!), take baths...

ah happiness.

If I can only get through Pharmacology, Research, and Anatomy... blech.

I am 3 down and 9 to go in the didactic year!!  Hooray!!

My dearest friend from Seattle (Mr. Kl8on) came for a visit with his cupcake (girlfriend) and we had a great time over Thanksgiving.  Lucy loves her uncle Clayton and they had a great time playing together.  I didn't get enough time with my friends, but it was so lovely to see and be with them.  They are wonderful and wonderful together.  It's good to see my friend so happy and challenged and healthy and growing....  I love my friend!  (and his cupcake of course)

OK, now i'm just procrastinating.  I have one more lab (tomorrow) and then all that is done!  Last week I pulled out a brain.  Now I must study Pharm and Research.  Here I go.  Bye.  Really.  Watch me work...

It's Official

Todd picked up my belt at kung fu last night and took this pic of it with his iPhone!

Hooooooray!

My baby is FIVE

Well, i can't believe it, but I have a five-year-old. Yep. Five.

We had a great time celebrating her birthday this weekend - we had a pool party at the Y. The kids swam for an hour and then stuffed themselves on cake and candy. I tried to make an octopus cake - we have a mold we used last year that worked great, but unfortunately, this time it got stuck in the pan, fell apart and then was frosted before it cooled, so it basically looked like a big pile of poo. So we got some cupcakes. Alas. It was going to be a good cake too...

I'm so proud of my little girl and who she is becoming. She is thoughtful, sweet, hilarious, sensitive and strong. I have been giving a lot of thought to that - she is really sensitive AND strong. She has the capacity to bend and change for others, she has a pulling desire to fit in and is easily hurt when she is rebuffed. She has however been able to stand strong, even to stand up to her sometimes-way-too-crotchety mama and still be open and friendly and wonderful.

We do fight sometimes and more often than in times past, I am short-tempered and preoccupied. I try not to be - I try to be fully here for her when I am here - dinner time, bedtime - but sometimes the other household things catch up with me and I find myself unable to give her a small smile of attention at her laundry basket antics when I'm frantically folding the tenth load of laundry on a Sunday night when I should really be studying for a Physiology exam that I am completely unprepared for. I answer her question with a sarcastic response and instead of being hurt and angry and going away, she is hurt and angry and says, "why do you have to talk so RUDE?"

I apologize.

We fight again getting ready for bed, but in the end, I calm down and she calms down and we have a nice time with books and stories and a good snuggle. I am proud of her. I know I can take some credit for who she is becoming. I know that my actions and words have an impact on her and I hope the loving caring mama ones surround her more than the biting tired cranky ones and that she knows how much I love her and how much what I am doing is because of her. Because I want her to know how wonderfully rewarding it is to do something so hard. I want her to know that she can be whatever she wants to be, not because I tell it to her but because she sees her mama working for it and loving it. And I want her to be proud of me.

I want her to be exactly who she is: An independent, enthusiastic, sensitive, caring, thoughtful, silly, creative person. I love you, my little Pumpkin Butt!

In other news: I am the micro master. I totally kicked ass on the microbiology exam. Not only that - everyone else seemed to really struggle with it. I am not an imposter.

I fear my day in the sun is soon to come to a close. The dreaded Physio (well, biochem, cell bio) exam is coming up on Thursday. Oy. I'll be glad to pass that one.

Halloween coming up Friday!

Todd is going to Seattle on Wednesday to celebrate Professor's 60th birthday celebration. All the Bones family Kung Fu schools will be represented - the smallest contingent coming from Ohana Kajukenbo in New Haven, CT. I used a sharpie to make an Ohana t-shirt so he can represent! I'm pretty excited about that. Also, Sifu promised me a new belt that says, "Sifu Hira". Hooray!

I had to cut down to one class per week, I'm just a little overwhelmed with school right now. But I am really happy with the turnout I'm getting and I'm so glad I'm able to continue in some capacity. Yay sifu hira!

10 days to election day: vote.