I am not an Impostor

Well, I'm here. I'm finally starting (sort of). I've spent the past week in Orientation with my fellow Yale PA program beginners and am now sufficiently terrified and ready to begin.

If I hear the words "rigorous", "demanding", or "intense" one more time, I think I'll have a heart attack.

But I'm ready to start. Orientation week was filled with information such as how to get around, how to navigate the computers and libraries, and how to use insurance. The final day, yesterday, was a good ending. The first half of the day was our orientation to the gross anatomy lab. Combined with the first year med students, we sat through an incredibly illuminating lecture on the gravity of the gift we were each about to receive (a body) and the depth and breadth of emotion that we might feel. It was incredibly heartfelt and by the end I sincerely felt immense gratitude for the gift. It is called a gift here and we use the word 'donor' instead of 'cadaver' which brings home the idea of the gift and reminds us that it is a gift.

I was nervous and scared, but also excited to meet my donor.

I won't go into details of my donor's features, for privacy's sake, but I did take a good long look at her face before I began to poke and prod. And before I privately named her 'Maude'. I think that's a fitting name.

I have 6 lab partners, but 1 didn't show, so I think I might be down to 5.

The afternoon was spent elsewhere on a challenge course at a local high school. The challenge course is a series of exercises, physical and otherwise, designed to pull a team together and allow that team to get to know the rest of the team members. I had a wonderful time, I did get to know more of the people in my my small class of 36 and am truly excited to begin working with this diverse group. There are many leaders (we did all get into this rigorous, intense, and demanding program), but with strikingly differing backgrounds. There are deeply religious people, political left-wingers, military people, the gamut. I enjoy being with (almost) all of them!

The challenge course was also the first time all week we were allowed out of our "business casual" clothing. Hooray for t-shirts! This also meant the unveiling of my tattoo. I got some comments, but no sneering. You never know.

I'm ready to begin. This week I begin Anatomy (with dissection) lab, Pathology, Microbiology, and Research Methods. I believe next week I'll begin Pharmacology. I'm only slightly panicked, but mostly I'm excited to see if I can do it. In the back of my mind, I am constantly worried that I'll be discovered. I'm an impostor. I shouldn't be here. I'll never be able to complete this.

I have to just keep telling myself, I AM NOT AN IMPOSTOR. I'll get through this. I'm ready.