The Art of Not Being There

Instead of panicking about what I'm going to be when I grow up, I've decided to Not Make Any Decisions. In doing so, I've made a few stress-relieving decisions.

1. If I go to school at all, I really want to go to med school. It is where my interests and passions lie, so I'm going to have to go for it. I just decided (in not making any decisions) that I will take it easier on myself, which means:

2. I won't take the MCAT until at least August this year. I can still apply for the same year, I just won't be early. That gives me time to actually take Physics before I start cramming for a test that includes Physics. Duh.

3. I will only apply to UW. While it was fun to daydream that I would go to Dartmouth or move to Burlington, I think it was incredibly stressful for me and for Todd to think, well, we might not even be here in (x) years if i get into school and blah blah blah. I want to go to UW. I will do my best to get in here - the program is fantastic and I don't want to leave my home and support system. It is so important to have the support of my community and the Kung Fu community when I do this - as well as the support of my family. Phew. I fell better already.

In deciding to go for UW, the classload I need is significantly reduced. I only need to do the prereq's for one school, which means, well, Physics in the Winter. Physics in the Spring. and then DONE! Totally doable.

4. I will take a real MCAT class. I need the help of an actual teacher. But in the meantime, I'll do as much of my online class as I can (skipping Physics) and thus, I will totally kick the MCAT's ass come August.

Meanwhile, back in Kung Fu.... I taught a couple classes on the Art of Not Being There. I didn't call them that, but after they were over, I realized that was what I was doing. I taught a sparring class on footwork, ways to move out of the way, deception and dancing. Defense without having to be caught in hard-blocks all the time.

It was afterwards that I realized that The Art of Not Being There is also the Art of Not Making Decisions. A whole lot less effort and a whole lot more effective.

Today is my girl's third birthday. For her nap, she laid down for her diaper change, picked out three books which we read in bed, and she nursed to sleep with no fuss at all. The terrible twos over today? Ha ha...

P.S. We got Lucy in to that wonderful daycare. She starts at the beginning of November - a week from Wednesday. Hurray!!!!

Med what?

So, i'm reconsidering the whole Med school thing.

I'm freaking out! I am just realizing how stressed out I am now and I'm not even in any classes yet. I'm spread too thin. I also realized that Kung Fu is not just "important to me", but it's part of who I am. I've been doing it for nearly 8 years and if I go to medical school, something will have to give and it will be kung fu. I can't be a balanced person without it! No, that's not it, I am not a HAPPY person without it. I go nuts when I don't get to class for a week, i can't imagine missing out on it for 7 years.

So, I'm revisiting the Nurse Practitioner idea. I still get direct patient care. I still get to be a primary provider and depending on the program (i really like UW's program here) I can even be a specialist (they call it a focal area). There is a focal area in Cardiology, which i can do with a Medical Genetics minor - it seems like a really great option. It combines my need for the academic-research side of me with my real desire to help people in their lifestyle. Plus, the more I do it, the more i realize I will probably want to work in a hospital/clinic environment. I can also pursue and include my interests in nutrition and exercise...

The first 5 quarters are intensely full-time, but after that, I can complete the masters portion of the program part-time. It's much more flexible than going to med school.

I still have some prerequisites, but they are different, so I have to decide soon so that I can figure out which class to take.

All I do know is that I want to do something, I want to work in health care, and I don't want to have to work for a doctor - NP's can practice autonomously, PA's cannot.

I'm going crazy trying to figure it all out, but for now, the NP idea, while a compromise from being a DOCTOR, will allow me to have more balance in my life ultimately and during the training (apart from the first 5 quarters).

Hark the herald daycare sings

We went to visit a new daycare possibility today - oh man, it was GREAT. Todd and Sarv and Lucy and I all went - Lucy played happily in all the rooms and the playground while the grownups talked. It was a bigger place - different rooms for all the age groups - but a similar ratio. 12 kids to 2 teachers in her group's room. We first met the director, a lovely woman who had nothing but great things to say about their philosophy. It's all about emotional development, allowing the kids to do what they do best and not interfering, facilitating communication, and most of all, playing.

(in other words, no pressure or academic "achievement" bullshit)

They don't do time-outs or other punitive actions to get them to do what grownups want them to do and they help the kids make their own decisions

Then Anne, the other director-type, gave us the tour.

It's clean! And spacious. And the caregivers are loving and wonderful.

It's across the street from UW.

It's fantastic.

I swear, while Anne was talking to me, after a while it wasn't words that I was hearing, but a soft hum that turned into glorious music as the angels sung.

There is more and more at her current daycare that bugs me and all those issues are addressed here, and more... it's what I want for Lucy.

I know the transition will be very difficult, they always are, but in the long run it's really going to be worth it. I know it's a good place, I can feel it.

Now we just have to hope that we get in. There is no space right now, but they are doing a little shuffling around so she said there might be space soon. I just need to call her next week to find out. Fingers are very very crossed.

Harborview is great. Yesterday I still did charts, but I'm increasingly grateful that charts is my intro to the burn floor. I see burn victims in the hall, and hear children crying, I'm definitely not quite ready to go on rounds. I'm slowly being introduced to what it's all about by being on the floor and reading charts. Soon I'll be ready for rounds, but not yet.

Tomorrow: more charts, i'm sure.

I work with an extremely irritating territorial premed student who is there ALL THE TIME. I think she must not have a life outside of academia. I think she is increasingly annoyed that I know what I'm doing (it's really not that hard) and that i've only been there for 3 days - she didn't have to hold my hand after the first day.

Anyway, other than that, it's fantastic.

I went to the gym a couple days ago - a session with my trainer, Matt... I'm so fucking sore right now. Yesterday, I could seriously barely walk. But it's good for me, right?

Oy.

There is a big weekend of training coming up - 7 star's 25th anniversary - Koré is coming, as well as several hand-to-hand people and there will be a big gala on Saturday night complete with demos from all around. Should be really fun and I'm almost certain that Sifu and Sifu Michelle will be promoted to 5th degree since Sigung (excuse me, PROFESSOR) just got promoted. to 8th degree. Yay!

First day!

So I started up at Harborview today. You know how first days usually involve a lot of introductions, tours, and clockwatching? Well, my day was nothing at all like that. I arrived at the Burn Research office and presented myself whereupon I was immediately installed in front of a computer checking patient charts and filling in missing info. It took a little while to figure out what the hell I was doing, but it was pretty interesting, reading through all that material, seeing all the stories, accidents, suicide attempts, arson mishaps, etc., that brought people in to Harborview from all over the four-state area (Alaska, Washington, Idaho, Montana).

The first chart I started reading was a 2-year-old girl. Fortunately, just as my heart nearly leapt out of my chest thinking about a little Lucy getting admitted to the burn unit, that chart got taken away from me and I moved on to some grownups. Much easier to handle at first anyway.

I started to think about the compassion issue. It would be easy to detach oneself from the stories that make the patient a person, to just see them as the injury or illness, but that isn't who I am. Maintaining compassion and a sense of each person is just as important as treating the illness - just as important to that person's overall wellness. Anyway, I had some time while reading charts to pontificate to myself.

A couple hours of that and we went down to a talk - the chief resident at Charity hospital in New Orleans was giving a talk on disaster preparedness. He had amazing stories and accompanying slides from the Katrina disaster. Incredible.

Then back to charts - only this time with archived charts - old school thick paper charts - from 1989.

Then all of a sudden the day was over! I've never had a first day go so quickly. It was exhilarating! It's very cool to work in such a fast-paced environment and with such interesting people. I think I will actually like working in a hospital.

In other news: Lucy peed in the potty last night!

I have given up all hope of trying to do pilates - I'm not sure what I was thinking. I have absolutely no free time whatsoever between volunteering, studying for the MCAT and training in kung fu. I'm falling behind on MCAT studies and I think I will be hard pressed to get the scores I need, but I do have a lot of time so we'll see.

I'm looking at another daycare for Lucy. I'm crazy to change her situation, I know I am, now that she's finally enjoying her daycare, but there are enough things about her daycare that bug me to warrant it. It's dirty and unhygienic, in my opinion, for one thing. Also, there are no older kids there - she will outgrow it by next year anyway. I'm looking at a place in the U district that's bigger, but same ratio. It's supposed to be fantastic. We'll see. They currently have no room anyway, so we'll have to see what all happens with all that.

That's all for now. someone just yelled, "MAMA COME UP!!!"