Thoughts and Inspiration

As any of you who have been reading my blog know, I've been tormented with whether or not to go to med school. I'm back. I'm forth. I'm in. I'm out... tormented is not an understatement.

Well, I've spent much of the week perusing a blog written by a mother of 3, who after staying at home with her children for several years and never felt quite settled (i'm paraphrasing, but only because I feel so familiar with it), tried and got in to her first choice medical school. The blog chronicles her from her interviews and application process through medical school, where she is MS3 (that med student, third year for the rest of y'all). It tells of the ups and downs, and they are extreme in the process, and I consistently feel like "yes! That's me! I CAN do this! And i WANT to do this!!!"

We'll see how I feel tomorrow. Wait, tomorrow is Kids Clinic, I will certainly feel this way tomorrow :)

I've been drawing parallels between reaching black belt in kung fu and becoming a doctor. Black belt is a goal I've held for 9 years. It always felt like, well, when I get a black belt, that will be huge. I'll know all I need to know - I mean, I never thought I would know all I need to know, but you know... that I will be THERE. Once I realized that I would NEVER know all I needed to know, I was much more open to learning all I could. I think in medicine it will be the same way.

It's easy to think that doctors should be at that place, should know everything. I think that attitude destroys a lot of doctors, makes them feel inadequate. Or many doctors feel that they are there and that makes them arrogant and lousy doctors because of their unwillingness to accept what they don't know.

There is a balance to be found. To know that you can never know enough. To allow that knowledge to keep you open to learning everything you want to know. Constant openness to learning, that's part of what makes a good doctor. One that knows she is not THERE, but relishes that instead of punishing herself.

I walk on either side of that line in kung fu a lot, and I'm sure I will with medicine as well.

/pontification

Got my grade back from the first physics exam. Did much better than expected. Stop laughing.

Overheard from my basement:
Papa drops something
Papa: Shit!
Lucy: Don't say shit. That's not nice. I don't say shit. I DON'T! I don't say shit. I don't say crock of shit either.

Where did she ever even HEAR that one?! Grampa?

Today Lucy is 3 and a half.
Today marks 2 months left until my black belt test. TWO!

p.s. Katy and Tiffany, two great ladies, tested for their orange belts last Thursday night. They were awesome. It was amazing to see how they've progressed, both with each their own strengths and weaknesses, from when they began a little over a year ago. Congratulations orangeys! Where have you been? We have yet to see the new belts ;)