Tick Tock Tick Tock...

So, my classes this quarter are B-O-R-I-N-G.. I have a feeling I won't do all that well - I'm so bored in both my lectures that on Friday I actually tried to write down the names of the 50 states (I came up with 49 - I STILL can't figure out what the last one is... I think we only really have 49 and I just never before bothered to count).

I flew out to Philly on Tuesday for my Arcadia interview, back here on Wednesday. It was exhausting. My interview went very well, the first professor with whom I interviewed practically told me i would get in - without actually telling me. ("you'll be hearing from us soon... I mean, I'm not supposed to say anything, but... you'll be hearing from us soon...). I liked the Professors, it's a highly ranked school, academically very good. There were some things about it though that made me think I would not be happy there.

First, I was very surprised at how young my interview group was. There were several people just finishing undergrad. This is not typical for PA school. Second, I sat in on a class. In a class of around 60 students, I saw one person of color. ONE. Of any color. It was a sea of white - not only just white, but blonde. The town seemed very remote and not at all, well, wonderful for me. The school was not particularly family-friendly (probably a side effect of the young factor). I asked about families and got the "Yes, there are people with kids and families - I don't know how they do it." (from students). And the final thing - a seemingly small thing - there was no recycling on campus. I don't know if they don't have recycling in that town, or what, but any answer I could come up with for it was, well, a tiny red flag. (Yes, I am a goddamned tree-hugging hippie.)

So, I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do if they accept me. Perhaps I will accept them and just wait and see what happens. I am not leaning towards them, but it was nice to go through the interview experience and feel successful.

I'm also considering alternate methods of entry - more gentle progress. I have applied to many schools - they all have a minimum of required clinical experience (I have almost none) - but that leaves out UW and many other schools that interest me. So, I'm thinking of taking some time here to become a medical assistant, actually GET the experience I need to get into a school of my choice. That means I'll have some experience, KNOW it's what I want to do, and be able to get in here or many other interesting places. It just puts it off for a few years... i have mixed feelings on this.

I mean, I want to START already. I'm done with prerequisites, so SICK of them. On the other hand, Lucy will be much more ready for me to be gone a LOT in a few years. The program is incredibly intense - class times are generally 8-5 each day - not to mention study time or any of that. I will be overwhelmed with work. If Lucy is 8 or 9, she will be in school herself, much more involved with her friends and school activities, much less in need for mama.

One thing that has sent my thoughts down this route is how she has been since school started. I don't have my mama day with her any more and I'm in school almost full-time. She has been a total nightmare. Screaming tantrum fits that are completely out of control and for seemingly no reason. I have been exhausted and unhappy and so has she. When I returned from my 2 days away, she had the biggest, longest fit ever. The next day after that, I made a huge effort to be there for her and snuggle and pay attention to her and she became a giant love bug. She is intense, sensitive, anxious and very tied to her mama.

I feel so torn about heading directly into such an intense program.

So here's the current plan: I wait.

If Yale contacts me for an interview, I will go and hope they love me. I think their program would be a wonderful fit for me and I would be insane to turn them down.

If they don't want me, I start M.A. training in January. I get a job the following January and work for a couple years in the field and then apply to programs that i really WANT. Then I go.

Less insane?

More inane?

WTF?

*sigh*

My friends B & K tied the knot last night. They had a gorgeous fun wedding. Katy glowed like crazy. It was great. Lucy wore this red and black plaid polyester number with a ribbon and frills. Even I have to admit she looked adorable (i initially wanted to barf when it was the one she picked out at the store). She wore her polka dot Vans and mardi gras shamrock beads. What a fashionista. When she saw Katy in her wedding dress, she dreamily sighed, "I need to get a dress like THAT, mama."

She's been on-and-off pooping in the toilet. Hurray! She made the switch completely for weeks but then had a difficult one that sent her back to diapers. Yesterday, she pooped in the toilet and she ran down to tell grampa, "It just came out so fast! It was like brown lightening shot out of my butt!"

I will leave you with that.