So it turns out i have a fucking labral tear. Just like todd (i think it must be contagious. fucker.)
I seem to have caught it early that it could heal, provided i take real good care of it. Which is going to be really easy now that i have a fucking BLACK BELT TEST coming.
Oh yeah. And a disc problem. Seems that my back issue and hip issue are pretty unrelated and they both FUCKING SUCK ASSES as far as my kung fu training goes.
I'm going to quit harborview, basically so that I have time to do the Physical Therapy, deep tissue massage, acupuncture, and whatever the fuck it takes to care for my hip - so that I don't have to slow down on training and can take my test in 5 months.
Fuck.
Tomorrow: Physics. I'm going to flee when test scores are given.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Discouraged, disheartened, and dismayed
Well, I took that first test. I studied my ass off. Had a study group on Sunday, studied late into last night, took the morning off from the hospital to study - which i did the whole time, and I finally felt sort of ready.
I went in, not feeling too bad, and we get the test. I look at the first problem. WHAT? OK. Don't panic. Move on to the next problem. WHAT? OK, maybe a little panic sets in. Do as much as I can. Move on. Third problem. WHAAAAAAAA?... OK... I can do this one. Vaguely. Not sure if the numbers pan out, but half an hour is up and only 20 minutes to go. Last problem... WHAT THE FUCK?! I didn't even know where to begin. Turns out I could have easily answered that last problem, but I misread the diagram and thought I didn't have the information which REALLY PISSES ME OFF.
I have never in my life had this experience. I've never tried anything, I mean really tried, and still been unable to do well. This is new and I have to say, extremely discouraging. I mean, what if this one class (well, 2 - 3 quarters of this one class) is the one thing between me and medical school. My grades are good other than this, mostly good anyway, but also I went to an undergraduate institution that didn't offer grades, but instead offered extensive written evaluations. They have nothing to quantify me by but all the postbac work that I am doing and have done and while most of it is (ahem) stellar, this is the SUCK. I definitely flunked this one. I give myself (generously) 30%. It is on a curve, but still...
I guess I need a tutor. This is so pathetic. I am taking ONE class, and I have barely enough time to keep up in it. And now. Shit.
But, good news. I've been given a black belt test date (estimate) of June 16. I can finally start panicking about that! Hurray! I'm really excited about it actually. I did skip class tonight, however, because i am also not feeling well.
WAAAAAAH!
I went in, not feeling too bad, and we get the test. I look at the first problem. WHAT? OK. Don't panic. Move on to the next problem. WHAT? OK, maybe a little panic sets in. Do as much as I can. Move on. Third problem. WHAAAAAAAA?... OK... I can do this one. Vaguely. Not sure if the numbers pan out, but half an hour is up and only 20 minutes to go. Last problem... WHAT THE FUCK?! I didn't even know where to begin. Turns out I could have easily answered that last problem, but I misread the diagram and thought I didn't have the information which REALLY PISSES ME OFF.
I have never in my life had this experience. I've never tried anything, I mean really tried, and still been unable to do well. This is new and I have to say, extremely discouraging. I mean, what if this one class (well, 2 - 3 quarters of this one class) is the one thing between me and medical school. My grades are good other than this, mostly good anyway, but also I went to an undergraduate institution that didn't offer grades, but instead offered extensive written evaluations. They have nothing to quantify me by but all the postbac work that I am doing and have done and while most of it is (ahem) stellar, this is the SUCK. I definitely flunked this one. I give myself (generously) 30%. It is on a curve, but still...
I guess I need a tutor. This is so pathetic. I am taking ONE class, and I have barely enough time to keep up in it. And now. Shit.
But, good news. I've been given a black belt test date (estimate) of June 16. I can finally start panicking about that! Hurray! I'm really excited about it actually. I did skip class tonight, however, because i am also not feeling well.
WAAAAAAH!
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Water water everywhere
Guess who peed in the potty? Twice!
Yeah, my recent strategy must have paid off. That, or she's goddamned ready to pee in the potty already. She's been wearing underpants around the house for a few weeks - she'll tell me she has to go pee or poop and then make me put a diaper on. Fine. But lately, I've been telling her to take off her pants and undies and sit on the potty and wait until i'm done doing X, Y. or Z and then i'll get the diaper out. I've been dallying.
Tonight, she was watching her Lilo and Stitch and she had to pee, so I pulled my usual delay tactic - sit on the potty until i'm done knitting this row and then i'll get a diaper - she says, "no, i want to pee in the potty" all matter-of-fact-like. She sits down and BAM out comes the pee like she's been doing it all her life.
Then again at bedtime, BAM more pee.
Hurray!
Perhaps tomorrow will be a diaper free day? Dare I dream?
Physics still sucks. I can barely keep up. It's demoralizing.
My first exam is next Tuesday. Stay tuned.
Yeah, my recent strategy must have paid off. That, or she's goddamned ready to pee in the potty already. She's been wearing underpants around the house for a few weeks - she'll tell me she has to go pee or poop and then make me put a diaper on. Fine. But lately, I've been telling her to take off her pants and undies and sit on the potty and wait until i'm done doing X, Y. or Z and then i'll get the diaper out. I've been dallying.
Tonight, she was watching her Lilo and Stitch and she had to pee, so I pulled my usual delay tactic - sit on the potty until i'm done knitting this row and then i'll get a diaper - she says, "no, i want to pee in the potty" all matter-of-fact-like. She sits down and BAM out comes the pee like she's been doing it all her life.
Then again at bedtime, BAM more pee.
Hurray!
Perhaps tomorrow will be a diaper free day? Dare I dream?
Physics still sucks. I can barely keep up. It's demoralizing.
My first exam is next Tuesday. Stay tuned.
Friday, January 12, 2007
Feeling Better
Lucy's quote of the evening:
Mommy, you're not a penguin. You have a short nose and hair.
Mommy, you're not a penguin. You have a short nose and hair.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
IH8 FZKS (warning, this is a little graphic... i'm sorry)
Yes, that is going to be my new license plate....
This has been a rough day. Well, a rough week culminating in today being kind of a rough day. It started out with Lucy's huge rage against the daycare. She wailed her little heart out, which incidentally rips my little heart out all the way to school, clinging to me when I tried to leave. L-a, the daycare teacher that was solo first thing this morning, seemed a little preoccupied trying to entertain the seven other children that were already there so it was really hard to disengage lucy from my body. Finally, I had to hail the teacher and plead for her to comfort my child (I must say, I could have used a hug at this point, myself).
Then I hustled off to Harborview where I toil away in a back office on the burn floor. This was a bad weekend for the burn ICU - a 14 year old girl was babysitting her 4 young nieces and nephews, all toddlers/preschoolers, 2 pairs of siblings, when the house went up in flames. I think the aunt got out OK but it went up so fast, one child was lost at the scene and 3 are in the ICU. One most definitely won't make it - renal failure, guts in a bag outside the body cavity, limbs mostly gone, really really sad. The other two children will probably make it, but they are all severely burned.
I didn't go to the ICU, but the nurse I work with had just come back from rounds up there and shared with me the details. I got the feeling she needed to unload - no matter how long you are there, situations like that affect everyone deeply. She also tells me all the medical details, you know, why that baby's guts are outside the body cavity with such a severe burn.
Anyway, back on my floor, the regular burn floor, there were more babies which cried periodically throughout the day. I'm kinda used to that, but still in my state of mind this morning, it didn't help. There was a man on my floor who was moaning in pain ALL DAY LONG. And I mean moaning. "ow ow OOOOW ow ow. OW. ow ow OOOOOOW."
I got done there, grabbed a nasty sandwich on my way out and raced to Physics class where I nearly got knocked down and into traffic by some huge gusts of wind. I ran off to Physics, getting pelted by rain (oh yes, did I mention my tights shrunk in the wash, so i was at half-mast all day long?) and got there in the nick of time. I sat down and for 50 minutes i saw and heard
blah blah blah@#%Q$%@#$%FGKLNVNLKRWJ#$%iopjv writjtrwpoij5 bkmvpowj45 pwijg[pfjb sgjkj43ljt5 43w5 divided by and you can see why the velocity ADKALjt qjeqlknr vlk jponqortjqlk jrklj!@#$#$@%^$^% blah and so forth.
I just don't get it. I get the ideas... I understand what velocity is and acceleration and even free fall (oh man, my teacher's examples are all hilarious too) but the equations, i can't ever figure out which one to use when and WHY. It's dry and frankly I DON'T CARE ABOUT IT AT ALL.
So there.
I'm seriously questioning my plan here. I'm overwhelmed by an intro Physics class and it's all it's my ONLY CLASS! What am I thinking?! This is going to be my life, and it's going to get much much worse and it's going to last for NINE YEARS. WHY AM I DOING THIS??? It's already affecting my relationship with Lucy and that makes me sad. Maybe it's just today, but
When I picked her up from daycare, she was glad to see me, but shortly thereafter, things went south. In the car on the way home, she asked if she could watch a movie later. Yes, I said, after supper. NO. SHE WANTED ONE NOW. SHE WANTED ONE WHEN PAPA GOT HOME NOT AFTER SUPPER and so forth. I later asked her if she wanted to go for hot chocolate, a special treat we do about once a week. Well, that was met with enthusiasm, but she began a new rant about I WANT TO EAT SUPPER AT THE PURPLE TABLE NOT AT THE DINNER TABLE, I told her we were not eating supper in front of the TV, well, this turned into quite a screaming rage, I finally decided I didn't want to spend time with her at a place doing a special treat, I was feeling pretty thin on patience by now, well, that really freaked her out. I circled the block (by the way, i think i deserve some kind of award for NOT yelling at her at all) and said if she could calm down and be friendly with me, we could still do it, but I wasn't about to take her into a public place yelling like that and that I really didn't like to be treated that way. So we went.
We had a little good time, but I was wiped.
We came home whereupon we had another fight (to be fair, I was doing computer stuff - I have no time on my own to catch up on e-mail, do my finances, renew library books, shit like that - and not paying any attention to her for a while). She drew on my desk with a crayon, I flipped out and grabbed it from her after she refused to stop and clean it up.... then i got my very first
I DON'T LIKE YOU!
I almost cried. Not because I really felt she didn't like me, but because I feel like this is my new life now, I have no time, the time I do have I feel exhausted and wiped and pretty soon she will move on to
I hate you
I hope this is just the transition for me.
I am starting to understand some of my homework, maybe i'll get to actually enjoy it at some point.
Maybe lucy will settle in to daycare and our time together will be more joyous.
Maybe this isn't such a good idea after all.
This has been a rough day. Well, a rough week culminating in today being kind of a rough day. It started out with Lucy's huge rage against the daycare. She wailed her little heart out, which incidentally rips my little heart out all the way to school, clinging to me when I tried to leave. L-a, the daycare teacher that was solo first thing this morning, seemed a little preoccupied trying to entertain the seven other children that were already there so it was really hard to disengage lucy from my body. Finally, I had to hail the teacher and plead for her to comfort my child (I must say, I could have used a hug at this point, myself).
Then I hustled off to Harborview where I toil away in a back office on the burn floor. This was a bad weekend for the burn ICU - a 14 year old girl was babysitting her 4 young nieces and nephews, all toddlers/preschoolers, 2 pairs of siblings, when the house went up in flames. I think the aunt got out OK but it went up so fast, one child was lost at the scene and 3 are in the ICU. One most definitely won't make it - renal failure, guts in a bag outside the body cavity, limbs mostly gone, really really sad. The other two children will probably make it, but they are all severely burned.
I didn't go to the ICU, but the nurse I work with had just come back from rounds up there and shared with me the details. I got the feeling she needed to unload - no matter how long you are there, situations like that affect everyone deeply. She also tells me all the medical details, you know, why that baby's guts are outside the body cavity with such a severe burn.
Anyway, back on my floor, the regular burn floor, there were more babies which cried periodically throughout the day. I'm kinda used to that, but still in my state of mind this morning, it didn't help. There was a man on my floor who was moaning in pain ALL DAY LONG. And I mean moaning. "ow ow OOOOW ow ow. OW. ow ow OOOOOOW."
I got done there, grabbed a nasty sandwich on my way out and raced to Physics class where I nearly got knocked down and into traffic by some huge gusts of wind. I ran off to Physics, getting pelted by rain (oh yes, did I mention my tights shrunk in the wash, so i was at half-mast all day long?) and got there in the nick of time. I sat down and for 50 minutes i saw and heard
blah blah blah@#%Q$%@#$%FGKLNVNLKRWJ#$%iopjv writjtrwpoij5 bkmvpowj45 pwijg[pfjb sgjkj43ljt5 43w5 divided by and you can see why the velocity ADKALjt qjeqlknr vlk jponqortjqlk jrklj!@#$#$@%^$^% blah and so forth.
I just don't get it. I get the ideas... I understand what velocity is and acceleration and even free fall (oh man, my teacher's examples are all hilarious too) but the equations, i can't ever figure out which one to use when and WHY. It's dry and frankly I DON'T CARE ABOUT IT AT ALL.
So there.
I'm seriously questioning my plan here. I'm overwhelmed by an intro Physics class and it's all it's my ONLY CLASS! What am I thinking?! This is going to be my life, and it's going to get much much worse and it's going to last for NINE YEARS. WHY AM I DOING THIS??? It's already affecting my relationship with Lucy and that makes me sad. Maybe it's just today, but
When I picked her up from daycare, she was glad to see me, but shortly thereafter, things went south. In the car on the way home, she asked if she could watch a movie later. Yes, I said, after supper. NO. SHE WANTED ONE NOW. SHE WANTED ONE WHEN PAPA GOT HOME NOT AFTER SUPPER and so forth. I later asked her if she wanted to go for hot chocolate, a special treat we do about once a week. Well, that was met with enthusiasm, but she began a new rant about I WANT TO EAT SUPPER AT THE PURPLE TABLE NOT AT THE DINNER TABLE, I told her we were not eating supper in front of the TV, well, this turned into quite a screaming rage, I finally decided I didn't want to spend time with her at a place doing a special treat, I was feeling pretty thin on patience by now, well, that really freaked her out. I circled the block (by the way, i think i deserve some kind of award for NOT yelling at her at all) and said if she could calm down and be friendly with me, we could still do it, but I wasn't about to take her into a public place yelling like that and that I really didn't like to be treated that way. So we went.
We had a little good time, but I was wiped.
We came home whereupon we had another fight (to be fair, I was doing computer stuff - I have no time on my own to catch up on e-mail, do my finances, renew library books, shit like that - and not paying any attention to her for a while). She drew on my desk with a crayon, I flipped out and grabbed it from her after she refused to stop and clean it up.... then i got my very first
I DON'T LIKE YOU!
I almost cried. Not because I really felt she didn't like me, but because I feel like this is my new life now, I have no time, the time I do have I feel exhausted and wiped and pretty soon she will move on to
I hate you
I hope this is just the transition for me.
I am starting to understand some of my homework, maybe i'll get to actually enjoy it at some point.
Maybe lucy will settle in to daycare and our time together will be more joyous.
Maybe this isn't such a good idea after all.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
School... here we go...
So tomorrow is my official first day of classes. It's crazy, I only have one class (Physics with lab, assuming i get in - i'm non-matriculated, so currently on "standby" status...") and I'm going to be insanely busy.
Class every afternoon, harborview Tuesday mornings and the kids clinic on Friday mornings. Lucy's only in daycare 3 days a week right now, so I'm having to patch child care together for now - I have someone on Mondays and then Katy is going to watch her while i'm in class on Thursdays (meaning no naps on Thursdays probably...) I feel a bit stressed.
At the end of the quarter, I'm starting my MCAT class, which will be Wednesday evenings and will go on for 5 months.
I've applied to UW as a postbac (matriculated status) which would be great because then I wouldn't have to stress about standby status, but the chances are pretty slim so fingers crossed...
Lucy is back to hating daycare. We've been on the go pretty constantly for the past month, so I think it's hard for her to get back into the swing. But it certainly adds to my stress level - she screams and cries about it all morning and is clingy and sobbing when we drop her off. Of course, she's fine all day long, which is certainly a step up from the old daycare, but it's still a horrible way to start the mornings.
This morning over breakfast, I asked her, "So, who's your favorite daycare friend?"
Her reply: "I don't like daycare. Are you crazy?!"
*sigh*
I went back to kung fu last night after a much too long break. It was great! I'm so glad to be back, it felt sooooo gooooooood. I have a problem though, and I'm a bit scared about it. I've had this hip problem going on for a couple months. I've been working on it in physical therapy and it is getting better - mostly probably because I haven't been working it for a month or so - but she did a full assessment this morning and suggested that I still have a really big problem, and that I may have a labral tear (SHIT!!!) - that is what Todd had that ultimately forced him to two surgeries and to quit kung fu.
I CAN'T quit kung fu.
She said that she didn't think it was torn, but that it was a possibility - I'm going to see an orthopedist in a few weeks to give it his assessment. She thinks that for now, I just need to work really hard to get the muscles to function properly, if i want to continue with kung fu.
Man. This is NOT a good time to have an injury like that. I was really hoping it would just get better over time. SUCK!
So I'm a bit worried. But I'm doing what i can, physical therapy, orthopod, massage. I'm going to try to get in for acupuncture next week and see if that helps too. Whatever I can do...
It's good to be back. I'm glad to finally get started on school. Here we go!
Class every afternoon, harborview Tuesday mornings and the kids clinic on Friday mornings. Lucy's only in daycare 3 days a week right now, so I'm having to patch child care together for now - I have someone on Mondays and then Katy is going to watch her while i'm in class on Thursdays (meaning no naps on Thursdays probably...) I feel a bit stressed.
At the end of the quarter, I'm starting my MCAT class, which will be Wednesday evenings and will go on for 5 months.
I've applied to UW as a postbac (matriculated status) which would be great because then I wouldn't have to stress about standby status, but the chances are pretty slim so fingers crossed...
Lucy is back to hating daycare. We've been on the go pretty constantly for the past month, so I think it's hard for her to get back into the swing. But it certainly adds to my stress level - she screams and cries about it all morning and is clingy and sobbing when we drop her off. Of course, she's fine all day long, which is certainly a step up from the old daycare, but it's still a horrible way to start the mornings.
This morning over breakfast, I asked her, "So, who's your favorite daycare friend?"
Her reply: "I don't like daycare. Are you crazy?!"
*sigh*
I went back to kung fu last night after a much too long break. It was great! I'm so glad to be back, it felt sooooo gooooooood. I have a problem though, and I'm a bit scared about it. I've had this hip problem going on for a couple months. I've been working on it in physical therapy and it is getting better - mostly probably because I haven't been working it for a month or so - but she did a full assessment this morning and suggested that I still have a really big problem, and that I may have a labral tear (SHIT!!!) - that is what Todd had that ultimately forced him to two surgeries and to quit kung fu.
I CAN'T quit kung fu.
She said that she didn't think it was torn, but that it was a possibility - I'm going to see an orthopedist in a few weeks to give it his assessment. She thinks that for now, I just need to work really hard to get the muscles to function properly, if i want to continue with kung fu.
Man. This is NOT a good time to have an injury like that. I was really hoping it would just get better over time. SUCK!
So I'm a bit worried. But I'm doing what i can, physical therapy, orthopod, massage. I'm going to try to get in for acupuncture next week and see if that helps too. Whatever I can do...
It's good to be back. I'm glad to finally get started on school. Here we go!
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