Well, I took that first test. I studied my ass off. Had a study group on Sunday, studied late into last night, took the morning off from the hospital to study - which i did the whole time, and I finally felt sort of ready.
I went in, not feeling too bad, and we get the test. I look at the first problem. WHAT? OK. Don't panic. Move on to the next problem. WHAT? OK, maybe a little panic sets in. Do as much as I can. Move on. Third problem. WHAAAAAAAA?... OK... I can do this one. Vaguely. Not sure if the numbers pan out, but half an hour is up and only 20 minutes to go. Last problem... WHAT THE FUCK?! I didn't even know where to begin. Turns out I could have easily answered that last problem, but I misread the diagram and thought I didn't have the information which REALLY PISSES ME OFF.
I have never in my life had this experience. I've never tried anything, I mean really tried, and still been unable to do well. This is new and I have to say, extremely discouraging. I mean, what if this one class (well, 2 - 3 quarters of this one class) is the one thing between me and medical school. My grades are good other than this, mostly good anyway, but also I went to an undergraduate institution that didn't offer grades, but instead offered extensive written evaluations. They have nothing to quantify me by but all the postbac work that I am doing and have done and while most of it is (ahem) stellar, this is the SUCK. I definitely flunked this one. I give myself (generously) 30%. It is on a curve, but still...
I guess I need a tutor. This is so pathetic. I am taking ONE class, and I have barely enough time to keep up in it. And now. Shit.
But, good news. I've been given a black belt test date (estimate) of June 16. I can finally start panicking about that! Hurray! I'm really excited about it actually. I did skip class tonight, however, because i am also not feeling well.
WAAAAAAH!
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