Part I. Check.

Well, I did it. It was fawkin' hard. And in totally different ways than I expected.

First of all, I was tremendously nervous, and I've never been very nervous for one of my tests before, but this was the big one. I had been training like crazy for several months, working like a dog to get in awesome shape, and diligently training my injuries away. I had absolutely no time to myself between family, school, and training. It was all about this, and I truly didn't even realize it until after it was over.

She started me with forms, which was good, that was definitely one of the better parts of the test. Then punch counters (set responses to one or two punches to the face) - which is where it started to fall apart for me. I just wasn't feeling right, I wasn't hitting the targets just right and often not blocking. I just didn't feel like i was in my body, so it was almost like it had a split-second delay before I could respond.

Then there was street (more practical free-form street fighting against any one technique). Again, I was still not in my body and there was a delay. Professor (my Sifu's teacher - an honor to have her on my board)'s response to this was to have me spin around in circles around the perimeter of the room and then respond to an attack. Better. But I was losing faith in my ability to do this test.

Then sticky hands (close in technique where you focus on unbalancing and striking a partner while staying stuck together, touching). I spent about 5 minutes doing sticky hands with one of the black belts and that was when professor Bones got up and decided to do sticky hands with me. For about 10 minutes - whack to my face, slap! slap! punch to the gut. ow. I almost lost it - ran to get water and breathe, came back to everyone gearing up with sparring gear.

I had to spar everyone in the school one by one - the last person was a black belt and i was to demonstrate jamming. I made some crack about jamming using my face, which i then promptly did and got a forearm smash to the nose. Got up to continue fighting, realized I was dizzy and saw stars and then laid down with ice on my face. I was overwhelmed. It was not good.

But after about 10 minutes of sobbing in the bathroom and feeling like a fraud and knowing everyone was waiting for me, I went back out and went on with the test. Two-on-one sparring and then that part was over. After that, there was some teaching stuff where I had to demonstrate my teaching skills and then at the end, more forms while I answered questions about the art and my feelings about it. Then 10-15 minutes of horse stance answering more questions and that was that. It was over.

That was how it looked from the inside. All that build up and each minor thing that went wrong was like a huge disappointment to me. It was all out of proportion and my emotions got the best of me at times. But each time I came back. Each time I was able to fight and was able to do everything that was asked of me. Each time I showed my spirit.

And I got my black belt. People swarmed me with hugs and congratulations and words of admiration and adulation and said I inspired them and all I could hear was the hum of my brain and feel like I wanted to cry and laugh and throw up.

I did it. I am a first degree black belt in kajukenbo. I am still filled with emotion as I write it.

In other news, I have decided to postpone my application to med school by a year. I am insanely trying to "review" for classes I still need to take while also taking those classes. I've finally realized that it's ridiculous and that if I wait one year, I will have actually completed the necessary material, and actually stand a chance of doing well.

With that decision, I feel slight disappointment that I can't get it all done and get the ball rolling, but I feel a huge relief that I have time to learn what I need to learn and that I can now take some time for myself, since I also won't be training every free moment.

My life is about to change.