I've been going through quite a rigamarole just to get to volunteer at Harborview. First, I had to fill out a huge application which included a criminal background check and 2 letters of reference. About a month later, I got called in for an interview, no problem. Then 3 weeks after that, I had to attend a 2 and a half hour Harborview volunteer orientation at which point we went over my vaccination record and I got a TB scratch test.

The nurse that looked at my records noted that all the dates given for my vaccinations were estimates. Due to the fact that I grew up on a commune in oregon (see http://bluest-one.blogspot.com) and then moved around a lot, I don't have the foggiest idea of my vaccination records' whereabouts. Anyway, she was a tight-ass and grilled me about it. It's at the nurse's discretion whether or not they will accept the estimate or force you to get a titer blood test, and I could see this lady was not letting me off the hook.

"So, even though it was a commune, they didn't feel it was important to track your medical vaccination records?!"

Seriously. Can you believe this woman actually asked me this? I mean, not only was it a fucking COMMUNE in the middle of nowhere, but it's been extinct for 20 years. Seriously.

I told her no, but that i had obtained records before I attended my first college, and that i was certain i'd been vaccinated.

No dice.

So then, she does the scratch test, and because of my "checkered" past (again, seriously, 20 years ago), she wants me to undergo a second TB scratch test just to make sure, because "most encounters with TB occur in group living situations". Did she not understand that 20 years ago was, uh, 20 years ago!!!

So then I had to go in a couple days later to get that checked out and get blood drawn. Then I have to go in again on Wednesday to get the second scratch test and then go in two days after that to get the second test checked. And I haven't even been assigned my position yet!!!

I'm thinking I'll be in the burn research unit (yay, i get to wear salmon scrubs), but I won't know until all this rigamarole is done.

So, I've been busy with that. And realizing that studying for the MCAT before I've even taken any Physics yet (I start in January) is pretty much INSANE. I'm thinking I'll just skip the Physics portions, or blow through them as quickly as I can, and then come back to them after I've done some of the class. Probably not a bad idea.

And still trying to keep the house clean, do the laundry, do the shopping, take care of Lucy. Oh yeah, and get ready for my imminent black belt test. I did decide that it's insane to try to take pilates classes. I'm going to the gym when I can and going to class when I can, but seriously. There is not enough time in the day.

I've "night-weaned" lucy this week - no nursing after bedtime until after the alarm goes off. It's been hard some nights, great some nights, but definitely getting better. But her transitions are always difficult and true to form, she has been a complete and total NIGHTMARE this week (except today - she was delightful for most of today, just 2 or 3 short-lived fits).

I'm usually insanely patient with her, but i LOST it on her last Thursday. She'd been yelling at me about this and that all afternoon and I told her if she kept it up I was going to lose it. She kept it up.

I SCREAMED so loud, i don't even remember what i said. I kind of walked away from her, but there was no mistaking how pissed off I was. There was also a lot of swearing.

When I came back to her, I asked her whether that scared her a little when I yelled. She said yes and I said that I was sorry that she got scared, but the way she felt when I yelled like that was how she has been making me feel by yelling at me all afternoon (I was still pissed)

Then I went to kung fu.

It wasn't my shining moment of motherhood.

But it was reality.

I'm tired, I'm working hard, I feel exhausted, and I haven't even started school yet.

What am I thinking?!