The Wheel Keeps Turning, Can't Slow Down

So after a week or so of freaking out about my decisions, I've finally calmed down and am excited about the whole med school prospect again. As I said before, I'm just going one step at a time, can't wait to start volunteering so that I can get some hands on experience and see for myself
A. what's out there aside from being a doctor
and
B. Whether or not working in medicine is really for me.

I daydream about it all day. Down to thoughts of wearing the dorky short white coat that students wear and having my very own stethoscope. *sigh*.

Clayton's going to help me with yet another résumé so i can get another volunteer application in to the abortion clinic.

Meanwhile, I have to figure out something workable for Lucy's care. She's in daycare right now, but after 6 months, she still dreads going, and has long crying jags throughout the day, in addition to the usual crying fits she has when i leave her. It's horrible, as much for me as for her i think. Even though daycare has been closed for 2 weeks, she still wakes up every morning and the first thing she asks is, "is it a daycare day?" and when I say no, she goes on with her day in a jolly way, but tomorrow I dread the question and have to cheerfully say YES and I know she will cry about it and and and....

I just think that she does better in a smaller group or one-on-one, so even though I know she will miss her daycare friends, I think she will be happier overall if we find a nanny instead, at least for some of the time. I will just have to make sure that she gets enough socializing in other ways because she really is social and she really does love her friends. I hate to split her up from Kita, but that is the way of things...

Jennifer, who used to train with us at kung fu might be a workable nanny, but we haven't been able to work out a time for her to come over and meet with us and see how lucy is with her to see if it would work, which in itself is a sketchy thing, just because, well, if she has no time to even meet with us, how will she have time to work for us... but she had doggie problems, so hopefully that will be resolved and all will be well. I've never had to shop for a nanny before, it's kind of a scary prospect. I've been trolling craigslist to no avail so far, but...

Ach.

Tomorrow though, on happier notes, is a daycare day, which for me means going to the gym, taking care of myself and having my first day to myself in what seems like a million years. I had all last weekend to myself, so i don't know what i'm bitching about, but this week was hard with daycare closed and Todd went away for a couple days and lucy was a particular monster this week (well, she had EXTREME ups and downs this week, i should say, she was a wonderful fun angel on Friday, for example...)

I have decided that while I will still be going to the gym, my big fitness focus isn't about strength or even cardio training for the test, i feel i get that from just doing the kung fu, but i think I will do some pilates - i really want to make sure my core is strong, work on my posture and balance and make my back NOT HURT. I really think pilates will help. So maybe i'll try to do that tomorrow...

I tested for my brown belt 6 months ago, so I'm just waiting waiting waiting for the axe to drop and that date for my test to be set....

Also, we have a sitter coming over tomorrow evening (Jenny from daycare - giving her a try, also to get lucy used to her...) so that Todd and I can both go to Kung Fu, which is a RARE occurrence. Should be fun. Then I rush off to the other kung fu school to go to their brown/black class... by the end of tomorrow i'll miss lucy so much i won't want to bring her to kung fu on tuesday :(

Enough for today.